I need a plan B letter.

My husband has been lying to me for months. Just found out his A has been going on for at least 4 yrs (he had said 2 years). First (maybe) motel stay was Jan 21 2003. says he's only slept with her 2 times since (yeah, right). I found out about A on 7/1/2006. He's a big fat liar! Told him not to come home tonight, locks are changed, he can't get in and I will leave his personal things on the front porch tomorrow for him to pick up when I take the kids to school.
my story can be read on just found out, She klves across the street.....

I have been seeing a therapist, he says I need to stick to my guns and I can't be wishy washy. That I need at least a two week seperation for WH to take me seriously.

This A was with my best friend who lived across the street.
I can't take it anymore. I'm completely crazy. I don't know what to do and I am so humiliated and embarrassed I can't stand it!

Please does anyone have a plan b letter?

There are sample Plan B letters on this thread:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...&PHPSESSID=

Make sure you go into it with a clear head and having thought it all through.

Hi,
I'm no expert on plan B as I never had to implement it, but from what I understand from my hours of reading here, Plan B is to distance yourself from a WS when the A is ongoing and the WS will not give up the OP...I've read your threads and it doesn't seem like that is the case with your WS.
I know the leaving out of details is a HUGE roadblock to recovery and it seems like that's what you're dealing with here.
(I need to stick to my guns and I can't be wishy washy. That I need at least a two week seperation for WH to take me seriously.)
Does this mean you need him to take you seriously about full disclosure of the A? That is so understandable, and I'm thinking locking him out of the house will let him know just how serious you are about wanting complete honesty, lying to 'spare you more hurt' and to 'make himself not look like such a schmuck' just prolongs the healing process (if that's what you want)...it took 5 months for my FWH to come clean with the real facts about the A and looking back I see that I didn't start moving on to healing until he disclosed them to me, he see's that now too.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't think a Plan B letter will be what you need at this point...waking your H up to the fact that he HAS to face what he did and disclose ALL to you seems to be what you need. How did you find out the new information? Do you have any reason to believe he is still in contact with the OW? I personally think recovery is better when the WS and the BH are in the same house...I can understand your anger though, as the other poster said, don't make any rash decisions when you are angry...let your head clear and decide what it is YOU want for your M..

Have you given him a copy of Josephs letter?

Just bumping this up for you hoping you'll get some advice from someone besides me...I think your marriage has an excellent chance at surviving, and am disappointed you didn't get more responses to your post...I don't feel qualified to give you advice, but I do hope you keep your wits about you and don't give into any impulses in the heat of the hurt...God Bless

You know, it really makes me sad to see that a poster who has an OC to her OM (=OM WILL NEVER BE OUT OF THE PICTURE)..gets 11 pages of responses compared to the 3 that you received to your post...Not enough drama I suppose...I do hope you get the guidance you need in this journey from ****** that a lot of us have been through...hang tough and keep praying...He IS listening, even if it doesn't seem like it....

I'm reading, but don't have any advice.

I just went into a Plan B, but my H won't leave the house and in the two days since it's started, I've broken contact responded to him more times than I want to admit. So I'm definitely not a model for how to do a Plan B.

I would definitely say to make sure that you're ready for Plan B before you jump into it too fast.

I think it's counter to MB advice to have one partner move out when you're working on the marraige. Maybe what you need are some killer boundaries and enforcements instead of Plan B right now?

How about exposure -- have you done that already?

Sorry I can't be more helpful ... I'm sure the experts will weigh in soon -- maybe change the title of your thread to call out for advice instead of just asking for Plan B letters....?

-AmI.

Hey there,
I have posted to you before on the other forum.

here's the deal: Plan B is to help break up the affair and to protect your love for him. I thought the affair was over?

Are you just wanting to seperate in an effort to get him to tell you all the details?

I am not sure that will work. In fact, kicking him out will give him the opportunity to renew his relationship with her.

Have you printed off Joseph's letter and given it to him? It explains the need to know in a way that most of us are not coherent enough to think when recovery is new.

I'll post the link in just a sec.

Give us a little more to go on here- are you doing Plan B to break up the affair or to get details?

hang in there

I am sorry you arent getting more responces. I am new here so I cant give any (good) advice, but I wanted you to know you are not alone.
DC

Randomm,

I was wondering what was up with you, but I didn't see this post until I searched under your user name.

I don't think that what you are talking about is really a plan B letter since Plan B's goal is to break up an ongoing affair. But I do understand why you feel that right now you simply want him gone.

He doesn't and simply can't understand what you are going thru right now. Over the past two-plus years, especially at times when my FWH doesn't seem to get the level of damage the affair caused, I have wished I had thrown him out.

For me, though, that would have probably meant the end of my marriage because I am so stubborn that I probably would never have allowed him to come back.

I don't have a solution to offer you, but perhaps you should take some time and write him a letter telling him how you are feeling and why. Let him know just what you expect him to do that will allow you to move toward recovery.

It was very hard for me to grasp that there wasn't anything that my FWH could do that would ease the pain in those early days. The folks here are right though, it does lessen with time. I do think that it will always hurt though.

We are approaching our anniversary later this month and it is truly a day I hate. For me, all it brings is the memory that 3 years ago, FWH spent our anniversary at a Bed and Breakfast with the OW. That still makes me want to smash his face!

Whatever happens, you can bet that not being able to get in the house will be a real wake up call to him that this ain't going to be a piece of cake to fix.

Remember, you are not alone here.

Who