I am coming up on one year from D Day. I feel that I am very lucky that my H has done everything he has been asked to mend our M. I am not unhappy, not depressed, enjoying many aspects of our life, so I seem petty to not feel good again.

What I would love more than anything, is to go to the beach by myself for a couple of weeks. I can't imagine how to approach this to my H without hurting him terribly. I have never gone away by myself and he will be very unhappy about the idea. I don't want to damage our recovery, but I want this.

Have you read up on the Recovery Rules..the importance of spending most of your recreational time together?

Have you read up on Love Busters..one of them being INDEPENDENT BEHAVIOR..which leaves marriages vulnerable to affairs?

I would say that it would most definitely DAMAGE if not THREATEN your RECOVERY if you go to the beach for a COUPLE OF WEEKS.

Why would you want to spend this much time away from your husband?

Wouldn't you miss him?

Do you love him?

What's going on with you?

I do understand that this may be counter to lots of the MB ideas, We work together and so most of our time is spent in each others company. Maybe that is why I want to go. I feel smothered by his attention. He notices everything and every small change in me. I love him, but I would not miss him for a short time. Or maybe, that is exactly what I want to find out. Will I miss him? I gave myself till one year from D Day to decide if I want to stay married to him. My choice is not clear to me and I don't know if it will be any easier in a year. My H is a serial cheater much to my amazement and I have not felt safe to re-invest in him yet again.

I am like a see-saw on this issue with no way to resolve it except to take another chance on him. What would you say my odds are? Probably not good, but at his age maybe he could calm down. Who knows? I definitely don't!

There are so many people in my life that depend on me daily, family, employees and my H. I feel like to have 2 weeks with no one to please but myself would be heaven.

What about RECREATIONAL time TOGETHER after work?

Can he take off two weeks to go to the beach with you?

What about YOUR EMOTIONAL NEEDS? Is he not meeting your needs?

I guess we don't have much recreation other that TV or occasional movies and dinner out. We always do those things together. We both work too many hours, no choice about that. So after work, we mostly watch TV together.

He could probably take the time to go to the beach, but that is not what I am wishing for. If he went, it would be a never ending ordeal of "things to go do". He can't sit still for an hour much less 2 weeks. If I don't keep up, I am not meeting his EN's. Meeting very different En's for 2 people can be difficult. Someone has to change and it is me. So I would rather stay home, than go with him.

He tries, but meets my emotional needs in a small way. I like alone time and that is very lonely to him. He feels threatened by the idea that I would like to just be alone. He is probably afraid that I wouldn't come back from a vacation alone or that I would realize I didn't love him. But that would never happen.

From your questions, it seems like you think that my wish would be too hurtful and I shouldn't want to try to go on my own. You are probably right.

I hope you don't mind if I chime in, but I feel that you may be missing the point. It's not that it would be hurtful, it's that it's not in line with your goal for a loving, caring, happy marriage.

It sounds like your running away from the situation versus making the changes in your life necessary to be happy in your marriage together.

I'm just sayin'...

Do you like your husband? Do you love him?

I asked you about the Rules of Recovery,didn't I. Another important rule is the POLICY OF JOINT AGREEMENT. It sounds like you are not familiar with practicing this marital skill.

It would be helpful to you, I think, to read HIS NEEDS/HER NEEDS and SURVIVING AN AFFAIR to get a better understanding of what I am trying to say.

Like others here, I am mostly speaking from my own experience. The Harleys are the experts.

I will share that...I am an introvert..enjoy my alone time..can entertain MYSELF for hours..whereas my H is an extrovert and likes to spend practically ALL of his FREE time with me. In my counseling with Steve Harley, he told me to PRACTICE spending TIME with my HUSBAND. He said that I had to build up to learning to do it just like exercise. He told me that this was ESSENTIAL in order for us to be HAPPILY MARRIED. He was absolutely correct.

I snatch FREE TIME for myself when my H is busy or not at home. I tell him when I need alone time. He tells me when I'm not giving him enough attention, etc. We negotiate about this. That is the POLICY OF JOINT AGREEMENT that I was referring to...

I would recommend for you to do more reading about this...in order to better understand the MB Principals...