Pieta,

Part of the reason people have A's and I am certainly not condoning A's is their EN's are not being met.

Now a partner needs to take ownership in their part in that. Regret is identifying an EN that is not being met she is telling her H about the need and he is not acting on it.

There are certain things that regret can do to try to help but it she cannot and should not take ownership of it if she is willing to try.

Her H needs to take ownership of the fact he is not pleasing her.

That is the problem that she is expressing, now he needs to put on his big boy boxers/briefs/thong and face it hisself.

hurtingless,

That is a load of bullcrap! If my husband didn't let me have what I wanted in the bedroom, I wouldn't let him have what he wanted either. And if all he wanted was slam-bang missionary, he wouldn't be getting any of that either!

She is blaming her husband rather than taking responsibility for her own sexuality. Let face it! Women get bored with sex if it becomes predictable. And if we're bored, it's hard for us to orgasm because we need a lot more mental and physical stimulation than he does to topple us over the edge.

Her husband couldn’t second-guess her every desire and know what she’s in the mood for, what with no super-duper radar or crystal ball. So this woman takes the easy way out and gets her stimulation on-line. She finally gets up the courage to actually say something to her husband and being a normal, red, blooded American man thinks, “What? I thought I was super-stud. She never complained before! OMG I’m not good enough!” Now he’s really hurt, DUH! And he calls her crazy (another normal male response).

She should have said, “Ya, baby! I’m crazy about you and I'm crazy about having some really hot sex with you. Let me give you a little sample of what I had in mind. Now just close your eyes and don’t move until I tell you to.”

You can go round and round about the LB's and filling the love bank yada, yada--but this is the REAL reason this woman is whipping her own cream in from of a dumb camera.

Now I can't see how he would need a crystal ball. Um I got this game and I would like to play it.

She also suggested OS and her H turned her down. How do you make someone have OS with you?

So now your answer is to withhold SF from him until he becomes a better lover? I have suggested ways to spice it up but I will not give her ownership of her husbands inhibitions.

Not only that but I have to imagine his ego is somewhat fragile right now considering the EA. Geez lets just kick the guy when he is down and tell him he could be better in bed.

This quite frankly is very disrespectful and doesn't even deserve a response.

Great post.


LMAO!!!

I think you both gave good advice.

I hope she's still reading this thread.

OK, FINE! Then I'll have to! (respond that is)


She did it--she disrespected herself, her husband and her marriage. Geeze! Why kill the messenger!

Maybe Im wrong, Im not the expert here...

MArsh


ask what do you want...

Its funny how the true can be misundertood for so many people... worst if you are the WS

Regreted, I don't know if you're looking for attention or sympathy. You've certainly got everyone's attention.

To say that Pio is mad at you because he didn't like what you'd written is just ridiculous. You practically blamed him for gemela's A after gemela had filled your head with all sorts of garbage when you were talking to her in Spanish. Pio has tried to help you in Spanish AND in English. He gave you the benefit of the doubt, he kept helping you when you were blaming him for gemela's A.

If Pio thinks that the worst person is a woman who has had an OM, why does he keep talking to me? The manipulation of this by you is making me so mad!!!!!!!!!

You know very well that you had internet SF and you can't deny it just because you've deleted the posts.

I really don't know what you want here. I don't know how you have the nerve to try to fool people.

I wanna say thanks..

Before the storm there is a shine sun

Focus again in this question,, I need to say thanks for suggestions...
...

"..In that moment I felt bad for my selfsteem but good because my H hug me.
"

Good for you.

If you are too "self-esteemed" to apologize, or be humble, then you are not being a good marriage partner. That is true for both husband and wife.

There is a difference between having "self respect" and "self importance".

You can have self respect, and still apologize. But you must lose "self importance" to apologize, and be a good marriage partner.

regreted,

once again I refuse to read your posts any more but I did read KiwiJ's. I'm certainly not mad at you. You mean leass than nothing to me. I just hate to see people wasting good advice on you because you simply refuse to accept your responsibility. You continue to deny (I read your first few posts) that you had a real affair. The guy had his penis in your mouth in that car. Excuse me but you DID have sex with him.

You delete your posts because you don't want your H to know any of what you did. You came on MB as tear - a woman who only exchanged a few emails with OM, oh, and had a cup of coffee once. Then you became someone else (forgot the name) and then you became regreted the internet porn queen.

You have been many different people on MB - not just screen name changes.

If you want good advice, at least be honest with these people even if you wish to continue to lie to your husband. As long as you stop lying to MB, I won't post on your thread because honestly I don't think you have any chance of saving your marriage as long as you continue to lie. Only the truth will save you. Until you can accept that and deal with it, posting to you is a waste of time.

Im in a rollcoster

I wish I could "speak" with LA...

Marshmallow
I did it,,, thanks for your advice...
I just did it,, I was step by step. slow.. and it works..

you are listening to what your father and mother say about not telling your husband the truth. Why? Do they have lots of experience helping people recover their marriages after affairs?

Listen to what people with experience are telling you, such as some of the people here, and the Dr.'s Harley. At some point, you need to tell your husband the truth. For both him, and yourself.
if you dont tell him, it will damage YOU, because you know you are still keeping secrets from him.
ifyou dont tell him, it will damage HIM (and you) becuase he will never realize how deep a need you have for more 'heavy' sex.

If you dont show him the depth of the problem, he will not be able to understand that there IS a problem, and how important it is to SOLVE the problem.