Sorry I disappearred! I've been very busy with things around here. FWH has really come around in all areas of our relationship. While we have a LONG way to go, we are definitely in recovery.....

Let's see...

**FWH was removed from his sq.
**Given an LOR as punishment and also now a bad performance report (which isn't good for promotions...). But the report isn't too bad. Honestly, it could have been a LOT worse.
**Told we are to move to a new base very soon... rather, strongly encouraged.
**in the midst of all this, FWH is now deploying for 4 months!!!! Not because of the A, but just time to go... and it's probably a good thing. It will give him time alone and will help him see how important WE (his family) are to him.

Concerning OW:
**She was forced out of the military and lost her own promotion.
**unknown on her last performance report if she will be given a poor rating like my FWH. This would be FAIR in my honest opinion.
**She has not been given her final orders, but they were expected to come down and her to be OUT this month. So far, nothing on that, but it is expected to happen relatively soon.
**I am in contact with OW's H to be able to verify things, if necesseary and vice versa. I believe we'll always just be letting each other know where the other one is. Like, he knows that FWH is deployed now and that we will be moving soon. That sort of thing...

There has been NO CONTACT!!! NONE. Zero. Finally. Official date was August 15. Since then, nothing. Believe me, I'd KNOW. I've got so many things in place that the man can't blow his nose without me knowing.

As for US: We are great!! We go golfing at least once a week. And then a dinner date on top of that. Just spending TIME together. He's trying. And that's important! We had planned on a weeklong vacation, but the deployment came up so fast that unfortunately it couldn't happen. It will, for certain, once he gets back home... regardless of the report date to the new base.

So... there is HOPE!!!!!

The BEST moves I made in this entire process:

Telling the commander.
Telling OW's H.

Once I told her husband, EVERYTHING ceased. She was NOT willing to leave her H, no mattter what. That became obvious once SHE was confronted by her own husband!! I believe that BOTH exposures were necessary to end the A. And by golly... it is over. I know we still have to face everyday things that will come up, but slowly.... FWH is facing the harsh reality of his actions. That she didn't love him. That she wasn't worth losing EVERYTHING for. This will take time for it all to sink in... but I have hope that it will.

Hello everyone. I know I've been MIA for months, but it's really been good for us here. FWH is deployed, but things are better than they've been in years. We are planning a nice LONG vacation with no kids and rediscovering each other.

I know, we're on the fast track, but we've done some HARD work. We've spent some quality time together before he left. And we are in contact with each other DAILY (thank you technology!). Even the guys over there are helping him with everything. And FINALLY....

Instead of doing what he USED to do (jump to OW's defense when people would say things about her rep), he's realizing and LISTENING to things. He now knows that she had a reputation for a REASON. And he has no feelings of love for her. NONE. He hasn't told me, but I can hear it... see it... sense it. I know that it is OVER for GOOD.

I know that I've got him back. I won this war. I believe that he knows who and what he is married to now and fully appreciates me.

I hope that I do not find myself played the fool of, but I do believe in the depths of my heart that the A is a closed chapter and will remain so.

I'd go into detail about the series of events (nothing huge or major, but pivotal for me) that help me believe this, but I know that I have the man I married back. Not the alien that took over his body for so many months.

I will never trust him like I used to. But the trust is coming back. Hope is there. Love is there. I know that my husband is willing to work hard and make it work because he loves me.

So much. He's worked really hard. And that says a LOT because he is so far away. But he makes an effort to talk or email daily. And listens. And we can spend HOURS online chatting with each other... I have my boyfriend back. :-)

FWH is everything: my boyfriend, fiance', husband, father to my children... and a former wandering husband. But now, it IS FORMER WH.

I could not have made it (and still peek back occasionally) without this board. I know that the advice and guidance I was given here helped me cope and move forward with the strength I needed to make my marriage survive. Even though I will neve meet any of you, I owe so much to you.

For those I've not met, read about, or etc... I will pray that your circumstances turn out like mine. The light at the end of my tunnel was not a false hope and turned out wonderfully (and yes, I know, I'm still in the early stages of recovery, but we ARE in recovery!!!!!)... I hope that everyone has a positive result.

Willsurvive, Congrats to you!!! Your story is an inspiration to me!!!! I am very happy for you..my WH is over in Iraq-he comes home for R and R on dec.11th-I am not sure what is going to happen but after hearing your story, there may be some hope!!!

thanks for the update -- glad to hear how good you sound!

I love to hear that!!!