Well, I am in need of some immediate help, if I may have your attention for a moment.
I am 21 years old, and when i was 16 and in high school, I met the man of my dreams. His name was Alexander, and he was the sweetest, most sensitive guy I have ever met. He joined the military and, before leaving for basic training, broke up with me because he did not want me to miss him while he was away. Only, he did not just break up with me, because we had done that already and found that we could not stay away from each other. We were completely in love.
So, as a solution to this problem, he decided to say some pretty meant things to get me to hate him so I would not talk to him when he wanted to get back together. It worked, all too well in fact, and I didn't speak to him for almost four years. Then, iin january of this year, we ran into each other (and by ran into I mean i found out his number and called him <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> ) and then, after discovering we were still both very much in love, we began to date again. Everything was going fine until this past weekend, when he dropped a bombshell on me. we have been arguing a bit lately (mostly about dumb things like who has to sit in what chair when we are on the computers and what side of the bed to sleep on), but my sister had stayed the night previosuly and he had told her and his friend that he didn't know why we were still together because we fought so much.
So, trying to get to the root of the problem so we could resolve it, I asked him the following morning if he wanted to remain a couple. He insisted that my son (from a previous failed relationship) and I were his reason for living; that we validated his existence. We bagan to talk more, and as we talked, his story changed. He first decided that what he had said before was wrong, that he didn't love me, but was in love with the idea of being in love. He switched again to say that this was real and he wanted to grow old with me. Switching again, he then said he didn't love me and never did. Still not satisfied, he decided that he loved so many things about me he could never live without me. Then, as before, he changed and said he didn't love me, but didn't want to be alone. Then, once more, he decided that he wanted to get married and grow old together. Then, just like before, decided instead that he only went out with me so that I would get back on my feet and get back in school (for my son). This continued for a while until I decided I didn't want to hear any more and left.
I went to my mother's and spent the night. I returned the following day because he was working and wouldn't be there. Well, I didn't get all of our (my son's and my) stuff out before he came home for lunch, at which point I asked him why he didn't tell me earlier if he did not care about me. He said it was because "I'm a wuss" and then said he would have waited an additional TWO or THREE ---YEARS--- if I had not brought it up then.
The thing is, he says he still wants to be friends, and when I told him I didn't know if I could be friends he asked to be just acquaintences, like he didn't want to lose contact. He acts like we are still dating, and insists that he wants to remain, strictly plutonic, although he does not want to talk or see each other outside of school.
He did mention that he never got to be his own person or make his own decisions, and Wednesday (we broke up this past Saturday) I told him that I thought the majority of this had to do with that, since he left for basic training right after we broke up in high school, then came home and got deployed, then came home and began dating me again. He did not reply but said he respected my opinion.
His mother and father have a colored past and I think that may play a part here as well. When we were dating in high school, his parents divorced, and his mother told his father she never loved him (The things he told me this time, by the way, were the same things he said in high school). They have since gotten back together and are dating, but both he and his mother think that his dad does not love her.
When we began dating again, he insisted that it was real and that he would never hurt me like he did in high school, and said that while he was overseas he got a lot of time to think about what he wanted and realized more and more everyday (he was there for 14 months) that what he wanted was me. He totally swept me off my feet and was the perfect gentleman, right up until he decided to have a nervous breakdown.
I do not know what to do...
I want to remain friends, but a part of me knows that this will never work out and part of me knows it will. I have never stopped loving him, and never will, but he has hurt me so badly I do not know how to handle this. I told him when we had only been together for a short time that I needed to know if this was real, because I didn't want my son getting attached to him, and then finding out he doesn't really care.
One of the other things that bothers me, is that he insists he never had any desire to try again, he was only doing it for alterior reasons. But, he has been a better boyfriend since we broke up than he was when we dated before. He calls me just to talk, and every once in a while he will say something about his family missing me, but he will use a real general statement like "Everyone misses you..." And I can see it in his face he is sad.
I will not be able to replace him, but I don't wanna wait forever, and I don't know how to reach him... Any ideas?
Twice A Fool
