Fiance and I moved and with the move came many things.

Some things that came were wedding gifts from Fiance's previous marriage. Fine crystal - that sort of thing.

As usual, it is (perhaps) useful stuff, but I feel weird displaying the stuff. I would especially feel weird if she came over and said something like "oh I see you have the wedding crystal out".

Would you sell it off and buy new stuff? Have a stomp-fest on it in the garbage can? Ship it to her with a thanks but no thanks note?

V.

Hi sunny,

That's a tough one for me.Of the things I have left over after the D,I truly and honestly don't identify them with my ex.About 99% of the stuff I bought anyway as I was the "designated" shopper and decorator in the family.My ex didn't put much thought into any of that.So,if/when it comes time to move in with someone,I wonder if I will have to toss/give everything away and start over.That would take a long time and lots of money as many things I have are valuable.I wouldn't want to do that unless my bf/fiance had a real problem with it.

I guess since you are going to be married one day,I would say that the crystal and really personal items should be redone with you both deciding what to get.Maybe the other stuff won't bother you.Plus,I hope your fiances ex wife wouldn't be coming over.That would seem wierd to me but then you might be ok with it.

Hmmm,wonder what other's will say.

I think wedding gifts from a previous marriage should go especially china, silver (unless it was handed down from his Mom, etc)crystal etc. New marriage, fresh start, I say. If he doesn't plan on passing it down to his children (and he doesn't have any right?), I say sell it on ebay, and pick out new stuff, that represents you BOTH and your new life together. I would absolutely NOT display stuff from a previus relationship. I think it's kinda creepy.

If I were to ever remarry, and BF and I have discussed this (he has no stuff from previous marriage, so no prob there), I would box all that stuff up for my DD to decide if she wants it. It represents my marriage and life w/ her Dad, a period in my life that was important to us both and a union that created her. I want to give her that option. Same goes for my wedding dress and all my jewelry that exWH gave me.

Just my 0.2! (more than you prolly asked for <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)

I think it would be impractical to throw away good things, if you and your spouse don't associate them with the ex.

The key is, and this gets right back to POJA, I guess -- is that if it bothers one person to have them in the house, then the other spouse should consider their feelings.

Before we married, my husband and I had a "spring cleaning" together. We jointly threw out the horrid plastic statue of nudes that his ex had purchased and left behind, along with other things like the purple plastic elephant and the fake plants. We gave left-behind china that he didn't like to charity. He has a throw blanket that he bought on a trip they took together -- it wasn't on their bed or anything -- and neither of us associates it with the ex, so we kept it. We also got rid of our old beds and bought a new one together. That felt right for us.

I never asked him to get rid of any pictures of ex, but he chose on his own to go into the storage and get rid of them all -- throwing out the "couple" pictures, and giving the family pictures that included her to his children. Pictures of just the children, or him and the children, are displayed in our home, along with the pictures of all of us.

I think the key is being considerate of your spouse's feelings.

Ever hear of www.freecycle.org?

Instead of a garage sale, someone else really wants your junk. You can post absolutely anything, and someone will take it. Or, if you know someone in dire need, they can post things they need. Someone took my old garage door.

I'm sure crystal would go quickly. Or ask at a nursing home, they may appreciate it for flowers.

I think it is creepy too. But I kinda think it is something that guys overlook. To them it is pretty glassware. To us it is a symbol of their former spouse?

V.

I'm of the "stuff is stuff" mindset, if I like it, why not display it. Unless it is really personal, like a photo, wedding gift, or if it was stated there was a personal attachment, then I don't know that I'd be too bothered. I'm a bit too functional at times (read - not emotional).

Would someone be expected to sell a car they purchased with a spouse?

I tend to be practical also. If I felt secure in the realtionship and didn't have on-going drama with new spouse's ex, would combine our things together and do it jointly. However, would draw the line at photos displayed of the ex. It boils down to discussing the move, what goes and what stays and problem solving together.

Best wishes to you both. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />