Hi everyone-

A couple weeks ago a group of friends and I went out for dinner and then went singing karoke and dancing. We ran into a bunch of guys and kind of hung out. Anyhow, one of them took an interest in me. The feelings were not mutual or reciprocated. He asked me to dinner that night and I politely declined.

He then got ahold of one of my friends and asked her to try to set something up. I told her my feelings and asked her to decline for me. She told me she thought it would be best if I talked to him and explained how I felt. We are adults you know.

He then called and e-mailed. At first I felt sorry for him because he seemed like a nice guy and was just recently divorced, but in spite of this, I still made my intentions clear. Of course didn't accept my decision and kept calling and e-mailing telling me that I needed to get out and should give him a chance, etc. I told him that I was not changing my mind and stopped returning his call/e-mails. Since then he has become quite desperate and won't go away. I screen his calls, don't answer his e-mails, you name it. Still he won't quit. Thank God he lives out of town or I am worried he will show up on my doorstep. I don't know, maybe I am overreacting since I am just coming out of an extremely controlling and emotionally abusive relationship, but this guy just won't respect my decision no to see him. He has offered to start out as friends only and see where it goes, but I don't even want to do that. He is beginning to creep me out.

So how do I get my point across so he just goes away? I am not used to being rude, but am getting to the point of being very rude to get him to leave me alone.

Any ideas are appreciated.

Take care and God bless!

K

You put the "K-Spell" on him!
I wish I could go out with you and get some tips! However, I would probably attract the same type guy.

Seriously.....
Trust your gut instincts.
It appears "nice" isn't getting it with this guy.
He apparently needs to hear very firmly, you are not interested in friendship, dating, phone calls, emails, etc.
I'm sure a relationship is the last thing you're looking for with just getting out of the one you were in.

Good Luck! and be tough!

K!

Tell him you have an STD. That could scare him off.

Seriously.

Tell him you're a lesbian. That always works well for me.

Actually, I think the best response is no response. Unless he's "special" or really slow, he'll eventually get the message.

I don't know Fraulein.....
A good friend of mine did that and it only encouraged the guy even more.

Well, that's true Karona - I hadn't thought about all the threesome "can I watch?" weirdos...I'll never understand that particular male fantasy.

If it were me, I'd probably just do the no response approach. This guy is seeking attention and even though what she's giving him is NEGATIVE attention, it's still attention. And for some masochistic souls, negative attention is still better than no attention.

It will most likely be a battle of wills for a while and the emails and call frequency could even get worse before it gets better but I think if she is determined to hold out longer, he'll eventually go away.

Like they say - don't go away mad, but please just go away.

I would just say very openly that I want him to stop any contact, then simply block his address, i.e. never answer again.

And the next time, don't give your email unless you either like someone or you know it's safe (can you ever know this with men <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />)

Thanks for the replies. I live in a small town and on the chance he would tell someone, I don't know that I want him thinking that I am a lesbian or have an STD! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> I sent him another not interested e-mail yesterday and am not responding to whatever he sends my way.

As for him getting my e-mail in the first place, I teach and he went to our district website and got it there. He is nothing if not persistent!

Take care and God bless!

K

I'd tell him if he doesn't quit, you'll report him as stalking you. Then if he does it again, call the phone company and have his calls tracked, etc. Harassing phone calls are illegal, I think.

Seriously, you want to come up with some sort of sentence with the words "restraining order" in it. Is he really interested in forcing you to incur the expense associated with filing one? Does he really think that would make an auspicious start to a relationship?

Thanks everyone. He e-mailed on Monday just checking in to see how my weekend went. I didn't reply (again) and never heard back from him. Hopefully he has gotten the hint!

Take care and God bless!

K