Ok, I ask my boyfriend last night to help me with a problem. I just got a new scooter and there are a couple of guys at work who want me to give them rides on it and I don't know how to kindly let them know I don't want to. Because I don't feel comfortable doing that, as the only legs wrapped around me are my boyfriend's, even if it's just a motorcycle/scooter ride.

However my boyfriend doesn't understand why it would be a problem for me as he thinks it's OK, the guy doesn't have an erection or anything. And then I told him that I wouldn't be comfortable when he gets a motorcycle to have a female friend of his with her legs around him or her hands on his hips.

Then all this denigrated into an argument about how he's not the jealous type and it doesn't matter to him, and how he doesn't like how conservative I'm being on the issue.

Thoughts?

You are right; he is not right.

The guys don't want to ride the scooter by themselves. They want to ride it with you.

On the other hand, though, and this will sound sexist, not that many women I have run across are very comfortable riding a motorcycle on their own. So, they will ask a male to ride the bike with them. But they could have their own devices.

If the guys at work wanted you to go have a drink with them, would that be ok with him, too? Probably not.

Doesn't sound like you are being conservative to me. Sounds like you have your boundaries in order. He, on the other hand, may need some help in determining or setting appropriate boundaries.

Thanks for your reply.

I do agree I have a better time at upholding my boundaries than my boyfriend. (He's a people pleaser and has a hard time saying 'no') And no, he wouldn't have a problem with me going out for drinks after work with the guys. Though the times when that happened in the past he's always come along, as I'd invite my BF along too because he's friends with my coworkers as well.

(And about the scooter thing, I wouldn't let another guy ride it without their motorcycle licence. I made that mistake years ago back in High school and have learned that lesson well.)

Decentman,

I know a number of women (including myself) who ride their own bikes. I have also taken mine to work and have only given rides to other women. I don't need a man to ride and the number of women like me is increasing!

MissM,

Just tell them "no", you can just say no and it doesn't have to be less than nice. If you need a cover, say you are not comfortable driving it with their extra weight possibly throwing off your balance. I will say, I have a friend who is easily pushing 200 lbs and when I got her on the back of my bike, I was terrified, her weight totally threw me off balance. I then put a friend who weighs probably about 130 lbs, and it was fine, I had no balance problems. Don't fight with your boyfriend about it, what difference does it make what he thinks about it (especially since he doesn't have any issues with you riding other guys around)? If it makes YOU uncomfortable, that's what is important! Who are these men that WANT to ride on the back, I don't think I've actually ever seen such a thing! Hang in there!

Good on you for having some personal boundaries and sticking to them! It doesn't sound like you need to agree with your boyfriend from this angle - though if the shoe was on the other foot you might need to work something out. My husband thinks you're dead right - these guys don't want to ride the bike...they want to wrap their legs around you!!

No men will ever ride on the back of my bike.

And my husband has agreed no rides for women on his.

POJA.