I am hoping someone has experience with this, I know all cases are handled differently, but I am looking for some advice.

My husband left us back in March for another woman. He would come to the house to visit the kids every other weekend at our house (I would leave). It became too difficult and he would not get his own place, so I finally gave in and allowed the kids to spend every other weekend at his girlfriends house. I totally did not want to do this, but I was trying to do what is best for the kids. Well, we are finalizing the divorce and I wanted to get a court ordered child custody agreement in place becuase he keeps threatening he wants 50/50 so he doesn't have to pay child support. (which just started in Sept).

What are his chances of getting this, is there anything I can do to keep the current arrangement?

I suggested to the court, he visit them Wed and Fr (5-8) and every other weekend, and he doesn't agree. (He hasn't sent a counter offer to my lawyer yet, so I don't know what his problem is). THis is already MUCH more time than he EVER spent with them when we were married. I used to work part time, and now I only see them evening and everyother weekend too, this is killing me! He used to work unitl 8pm, (which I later found was so he could spend from 5-8 with his girlfirend) and he would never be home to give them baths or put them to bed, and all his free time was spent with his friends/ girlfirends. When he left, they honestly didn't even notice. It was just a treat when he would visit. NOW, becuase his girlfriend who broke up her family and ours (she has no kids but is currently getting divorced) she is pushing him to fight me for more time with the kids. Its not fair, all he is doing is trying to hurt me by taking them away from me more. I am sick with the thought of this, but if anyone can offer some advice. They are the world to me and all I have. They are 2 and 4. He asked for a continuance, and our next scheduled court date is Dec 5.

Any help or resources would be greatly appriciated.

Thanks-

Tonya

I have a job for you Tonya, I want you to go out and get a nice blank notebox and some pens (not pencils / not a computer document).

We're going to start keeping a journal. I want you to take the time to write in this daily.

The purpose of this journal is to record your inteactions with your WH and COM. Keep a log of meetings with WH, interactions with COM, needs / schedules / dr appts etc.. etc..

If you keep journaling long enough you WILL start to notice patterns in your WW's behaviour. You will also have a handy log of how YOU are taking care of your COM.

It sounds like your WH has abandoned you and COM for OW. NOT A GOOD POSITION FOR ANY CUSTODY BATTLES! Courts take a very dim view on abandonment.

This journal is your proof of your commitment to your COM! You want to write it in pen so it is not easily modified. You do not want to use a computer document for this because computer documents are easily modified. Good, old fasioned, handwritten logs carry much more weight in courts.

This will be a major advantage to you.

Write in this and back date as many details as you can remember. The start journeling daily.

It WILL help.

BTW: COM = Children Of Marriage.

here is what i recommend:

as said above, journal EVERYTHING. journal back for as far as you can remember. i have over 2 years logged. my wh left july of 05. he got a bug up his [censored] about 6 months ago and decided he was going to file for full custody of the kids. we were not yet divorced. he did this because he did not want to pay support, because he and other woman he is with now wanted to make me disappear so they could raise my kids as thiers (she just got her divorce but their were no children), and because he wanted to hurt me.

long story short, i got a very good lawyer (thank you mom for paying for that) and because i had logged and journaled every time he saw them and did not see them, his affairs and how he exposed the kids to them, etc., etc.... his own attorney told him he needed to settle out of court and be done with this that he would not win. so we did, i gave him an offer and he took it. i have placement and we share about 60/40 custody with me having 60.

do a petition for custody and give honest straight backed up with facts reasons as to why they should have more placement with you. then sit back and be patient because this process takes time. take care of yourself and try not to stress out too much. it will be a trying time. it was for me.

mlhb

Thank you for your advice. I haven't in the past since I never thought it would come to this, just like I never thought he would have an affair, never thought he would leave me for her....etc. I am finally starting to learn and will definately start writing. I think it will also help me to cope.

I am also concerned about things my 4yo says when she returns. THings like, Why does daddy want to be OWs daddy instead of mine? I have no idea why she would get this idea. All I said in response is daddy will always be your daddy. She also told grandmom that daddy is living with OW becuase she is lonely and doesn't have anyone and daddy needs to take care of her, which is why she may see him as being her daddy.

My lawyer is out of town until after thanksgiving, but is there any way I can insist upon WH and OW recieve counsoling to learn how to talk to the kids appropriately about their situation? I don't feel it is my place to try to explain why daddy left, and I have tried my best to only answer that daddy will always love her and be her daddy, without getting into how he feels about me and why he doesn't want to live with us anymore.

make them get counseling? it is a nice thought but that won't happen. if you file for full custody in some cases the courts may order you OR both you and him to get mental health evals. but other than that,no you cannot force counseling. BUT, you can put your children in it. find a good caring family counselor who is neutral to you and your ex and let them hear what your daughter says and they can explain and help your children understand without your emotions getting involved. mine have been in counseling now for a year and it has helped a lot.

mlhb

You need to have it in your separation/divorce decree that the neither of you can have opposite sex overnights while the children are in your care, until that parent is remarried. Courts tend to focus on best interest of children and they expect each parent to think that way, involving the affair into the kids life is not best interest. You you should have the right to ask for, no overnights with OW while children are present, you can ask for things along those lines, but remember its both ways for him and you.

You also need to go to the kids school, inform the principal and start getting either weekly or bi monthly evaluations of your children, like the cry in class or have difficulty focusing.... these "expert" witness type material. You do less with friends and neighbors but they help too. Have your friends and neighbors start journaling as well, so if you need to call them into court they can point to a journal for reference makes it all the more conviencing.

You need to remember to focus on the KIDS, both in life and in court... if he goes is and whines about money or you whine about money and the other says all I want to do is be a good parent, the courts see that and say hmmm one parent concerned about money other parent concerned about kids, they tend to go with the caring for kids parent.