OK, I think I MAY have had a break through, or maybe a break down. I'm not sure yet.<P>I am sure none of you know this ( please note; joke in progress here) but well I've been a bit depressed lately, oh yes I know it's hard to believe. But there it is.<P>Anyway everything came to a head this weekend, and I just gave up, I let it out . I cried a ocean of tears for the love I used to have for Mike, and accepted that it will never be what it was before, nor what it could have been. My poor teddybear was soaked and misshapened from being squeezed. Let me tell you guys there's nothing as pathetic as a 41 year old woman rocking back and forth crying and squeezing a stuffed bear.<P>Anyway Mike and I had a long talk, I was surprisingly calm by then. No tears, no anger, not much of anything. Then he took my bear away and let me hug him.<P>I has been pretty bad here guys, my depression, Mike refusing to acknowledge it, not holding, kissing or making love with me, sleeping on the couch.<P>But I think by letting go of the "old love" I can start to work on the new love. I fineally had to accept that it was lost, all gone. what I thought we had , died.<BR>Do I make sense ? of course not, I usually don't.<P>I hope that new medicine kicks in soon !!!!<P><BR>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P><p>[This message has been edited by Bozos_ Deb (edited October 05, 1999).]

Why let the "old love" go? Why not just change it? I don't ever see love lost anymore, love changed but not lost. Mine has changed and so has yours. Make that "old love" the foundation for your new love. Like a house, it's only as strong as it's foundation. Maybe something went wrong, but it was right in the beginning and that's what I'd use. I'm by your side.

Deb<BR>Thank you for letting us know how it's going!<BR>Some of us do worry you know! <BR>First of all - I sleep with my teddy bear every night!<BR>Second - Acceptance is a major step. I think you will be able to grow a great new love now. This could be the path you needed to find.<BR>Smile girl! It's contagious you know. I know you are going to make it.

Paul,<BR> I had to let go of the old love, it was about to kill me. Mike's last affair was a real humdinger, and since he had been involved with others before that, (we have a disagreement as to how many he had, I say 4, 2 were emotional, 2 included sex, he says one sometimes he admits walking out and living with his former wildebeast was an affair, but not often because he didn't have sex with her until he moved out. I guess it depends on how you look at it.). The old dreams and feelings just were'nt there an more. I still love him, but not the same eyes wide shut way<P><BR>WS,<BR> Yes mam, I know ya'll are but I got tired of whining to ya'll all the time. I was making ya'll as nuts as me.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Deb<BR>You may not take credit for making me nuts. I achieved that all by my lonesome

Deb - so glad to hear from you! I think I understand....stopped mourning for what WAS to make room for what CAN BE...right?<P>If so, I think it's not bad at all. Besides, maybe it's not the love you gave up on at all - you've worked too hard. I think it was more just the perception. 'Course I could be way off base. My mind seems to be slipping more and more every day!!!!<P>Either way - it helped, right? And that's what matters.<P>So here's to Deb AND Deb's Bozo and the tomorrow you're ready to build!!!<P>Love and prayers,<P>Lori

Any day now I'm going to post the next Forgiveness Workbook step which is managing your grief. <P>Yes, Deb, this makes perfect sense...and although my H's affair was not the humdinger your Bozo's was...I think for me working through my grief was the most important part of my recovery...still think I'm doing it to a certain extent.<P>I'm more than happy to think of my old marriage as deader than a doornail...whatever that means. I don't want to make the old better. I wanted to grieve the old and start out fresh. I'm sure everybody thinks differently, but I understand.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

That's the thing I hate the most.... my eyes opening. I watched the movie Matrix the other day, there was an old line that I took special note.... "ignorance is bliss....." Take care Deb.... Look to the the future and the love you will and can create....<BR>mkn

Deb,<BR> Glad to hear you are making progress.<P><p>[This message has been edited by Afraidtosay (edited October 06, 1999).]

<BR> Guys I will get back to ya'll later, I'm going to have my dinner and try to unwind and rest for a while<P><p>[This message has been edited by Bozos_ Deb (edited October 06, 1999).]

HEY DEB!<P>I'm glad you had your breakthrough, I know how much it can help..... unfortunately, mine is comining a little at a time instead of all at once. But I'm getting better too.<P>If you and wasstubborn have nothing on me.... if you walked into my bedroom, you'd swear you were in the stuffies section of ToysRUs or something! (my whole house for that matter... I didn't get my 1st teddy until I was 18, and now I'm trying to make up for it )<P>And (Wasstubborn & I think WAY too much alike here ) YOU can't take any credit for making any of us NUTS.... I know I've been like that for a very very long time! (Ok, well, maybe a little of the credit but not ALL of it)<P>I'm glad you are back... I've missed you.<P>Love & Prayers,<BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly (edited October 05, 1999).]

Hi Deb,<P>I really don't know what to say, but I do like what some others have replied here. I think "acceptance" and letting go of the old and building a "new beginning" is the answer. You're going to make it....I know you will!

Thanks for the update deb.<P>It doesn't look like a breakdown, so it has to be a breaktrough <BR>Whatever it is it sounds good too me <P>And Deb ( plus wassy and butterfly ) count me in, I have more stuffed toys than my kids <P>ANyway Deb, it's a good way of seeing, although I tend to think more like Paul that it has changed not died. But it amounts to the same thing in this case. Starting fresh. You guys are almost there. Keep working on it <P>Take care<BR>Big Hug<P>Kat<P><P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.

That’s not pathetic Deb. You should see a 38 year old guy rocking back and forth bawling like a baby and squeezing a stuffed bear. Now that’s pathetic!<P>Everyone needs a good cry now & then. Yeah, it takes a lot out of you & you really feel better afterwards. It’s all the pent up frustration, anger, confusion, scarediness (?) Getting out of our systems a bit.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Hi Deb -<P>I'm so glad you finally came back out to play with us....I've missed you!!!<P>I am very happy for your new understanding of your feelings and the love between you and Mike.<P>Now, it's on to the future!!!!<P>HUGS to you both,<P>Sheba<P>PS - How's the knees?

Hi guys, I just woke up.I was uo all night last night execpt for an hour, went to the dr today was up all da. Finally passed out sometime between 8 and 10 pm. Mike just made his after lunch call so.... anyway I am going back to bed for a while. I will answer everyone later. Too pooped to pop right now.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Hi Deb,<P>I dropped by just to say 'hi', 'how are you' and give you a hug {{{{{{Deb}}}}}}<P>I've been away very much lately. Very busy with my work and spent most of my times outside the office so I have very limited time with the internet.<P>Anyhow, I think what you feel is what most of us would feel after we are being letting down so hard by our loved one. It gives you something new, either new perspective or new love, and it's great that you keep your love and hope remains.<P>I must go now. I am doing fine. I've been feeling very good with my self lately. We've bought a land and is planning how our house would be. So we're very excited!!<P>Anyhow, this is something for you and for others in this small cozy group I loved so much...<P>Do It Anyway<BR> <BR> Written By Mother Teresa<BR> ~~~<BR> People are often unreasonable, illogical,<BR> and self-centered;<BR> Forgive them anyway.<BR> <BR> If you are kind, People may accuse you<BR> of selfish, ulterior motives;<BR> Be kind anyway.<BR> <BR> If you are successful, you will win some<BR> false friends and some true enemies;<BR> Succeed anyway.<BR> <BR> If you are honest and frank, <BR> people may cheat you;<BR> Be honest and frank anyway.<BR> <BR> What you spend years building, someone<BR> could destroy overnight;<BR> Build anyway.<BR> <BR> If you find serenity and happiness, <BR> they may be jealous;<BR> Be happy anyway.<BR> <BR> The good you do today,<BR> people will often forget tomorrow;<BR> Do good anyway.<BR> <BR> Give the world the best you have,<BR> and it may never be enough;<BR> Give the world the best you've got anyway.<BR> <BR> You see, in the final analysis, <BR> it is between you and God; <BR> It was never between you and them anyway. <P>Love,<P>Saskia

Deb,<P>Hi there! You know by now about my situation and what I've been through...I also had to let go of the old love, and totally revamp my life so to speak. I was almost a child in some respects...now for the first time ever I feel as if I'm in control. Also, I 've gone back to college to get my degree which is giving me a sense of purpose. Good luck and feel free to ask for any advice that I might be able to give.