I am curious as to how you felt during your affair. Reason why I am asking is because my WW told me that she has cried herself to sleep over getting a D with me. I want to reconcile, I just need things to calm down in the courts.

We have two kids together. I tried to get to see them on Saturday, but instead I ended up in jail for calling her to see them, which was "o.k." in the restraining order.

I have wanted to do plan A, but with the courts involved, there is no real way I can. Is there a way to revert from plan B to plan A if she comes around? I would very much like to show her that I have made alot of changes in my life. I belive she needs to make some too, but right now she just blames all the marital problems we have had on me.

Is there any hope?

There may be hope as long as you keep it alive. But, do not let her use her false promises and such to hurt you in court (custody, less visitation, financially, et al). Reality is that she has tried to have you jailed. For what??

Is she still in an active affair?

She had me jailed for a restraining order violation. What I am guessing is that she gave her phone to the police, and I had called her 16 times, all in reference to seeing our children on Saturday. I feel now that I need to quit playing her game, and have a parenting plan filed in district court, so that if she dosent follow, she ends up in jail. I dont want it to go that far because it will just strain us working on our marriage. I asked her if she was willing to try working on our marriage, and she said no.

She dosent show remorse, she feels that her and the kids will be better off, and that I am just a pain in her side.

I have done alot to change, but she dosent even want to see that. I think that just not seeing her for the next 3 months would be the best thing to do. Hopefully she will pull her head out.

What I really dont understand is that she says she has cried herself to sleep about divorcing me. It makes me feel like she is hurt to divorce, but has built up a wall so that she dosent have to deal with it anymore.

We have both built walls to hide ourselves from eachother, and I see everyone being a loser in this situation. I have started tearing my wall down, but I dont see how I can help her to tear down hers. She had told me that before the incident that caused this restraining order, she was willing to work on things with me. Now, she is scared of me, and I have come much closer to causing her physical harm in the past, than I have now. I see NO reason to ever harm her. Its not right on many levels. I just cant seem to lead her to belive that.

I dont know that she is in an active affair, even though I have apparently cooked one up in my own mind. Whenever I refer to the OM that she claims is "just a friend" as her boyfriend, she takes offence. The OM she is with alot is an old flame from 13 years ago. I told her that I sorta understand where she is coming from. I mentioned her being torn between a man she once loved, and the hopes of re-kindiling an old relationship. Im not sure what to think. Maybe im just paranoid....