Hi, I had read some of Neak's story on another thread. Can you really access someone's text messages from a cell by computer?? or did I read that wrong? WS found out about phone recording, and I agreed to can it, but I feel like I am blindfolded now. we have family plan and cell phones are in my name. so I should have authority to get it done if it is possible. Most of the communication is by text. thanks

I think you can fb...not sure...I have heard of it before though.....Anyone else know?????

Why did you agree to stop the phone recording?

If it's because she said she'd leave, or any other "threat"... that's what WS's DO. You can't be afraid when you're fighting this WAR... and make no mistake, it IS a war! It's a war on your marriage and family.

I'm sure someone will be along soon to tell you how they did it... but I wouldn't wait. I would go online and see for yourself. If you cannot access the texts, I would call the cell company and ask.

I would do ANYTHING I could think of to prove the affair is going on, expose it to the light of day, and end it.

Best wishes to you... and remember that weekends (Sunday's especially) are very slow around here... it will pick up tomorrow... but in the meantime, read everything you can (including the articles)... and ARM YOURSELF.

re: taping, I actually outed myself, as in: I couldn't take the bull**** lies WS was feeding, and I stated some info about a special date they shared, oct 6th, to prove to her that she was lying and that I was smarter than that, not a fool you know. (stupid). WS went crazy, denying, then freaked out about how I knew that, then WS got crazy snooping and read my journal, which I had hidden. the taping was making me so sick though, I found it hard to keep my composure of plan A. I am still in very early stages of this thing PA 2mos, Dday about 1 mos ago. relating is strained. the thing is, I have lived my whole life in plan A, I am a people pleaser, and now all I have to do is keep it up, and for the 1st time in my life it doesn't feel natural. this plan A thing, yikes. How do you know all these details, the sound of their voices, intimate thoughts, and not let it affect you?

I don't know how to get text messages from a cell phone, but I would check with the cell phone company and see if you can.

And I second NB's question, why did you stop the phone recording?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> If you get caught, the answer is not to stop, but to just get more clever. Can you reinstall it in a better place where she won't find it?

What other methods of snooping could you do?

OK, WS never knew where it was hooked up, and I could reconnect it, I am unsure, I was comming undone daily, and now in my protected world of silence I am dealing better. I don't need confirmation, the A is exposed, WS is confused, knows that we have something special, but refuses NC, "not ready" "have to do it on my own" type stuff. felt WS comming back to me a little, even wanted to go on a date. but then huge LB's for the spying stuff, WS doesn't feel totally comfortable on the phone, so using cell like crazy, running up the minutes and bill, that's why I thought I would try there. also feel gross about lying, I know WS deserves it, but I feel like I am giving it back as good, maybe not so good, as I am getting it. .we have always been brutally honest. lying feels like crap.

FB, no you shouldn't lie. But you should not give up your sources of snooping while you are under attack. Your marriage is at war with an affair and your snooping tools are your weapons of defense. understand? Dont disarm while you are being fired on in the field of battle.

Have you exposed her affair? Who is the OM? How long have you been married? Any kids?

Are you living together?

I also still have KGB keylogger, I told her I removed in from our home computer(but I didn't), she's not very computer savy so she won't find it, neither am I for that matter, I think she was actually impressed at the whole spying thing, kind of like, I think she is worth the trouble, surprised that I would go to those lengths. but is it really neccessary to hear every gory detail, when I know she hasn't even commited to NC, maybe I can just start spying again when she is ready to recommit?? what dya think?

Have you read this thread? http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=0&fpart=1

Who is the OM? Is he married? Have you exposed this affair? Do they work together?

The purpose of snooping is to determine IF an affair is ongoing. If you know it is, then there is not really any reason to snoop, except to GATHER EVIDENCE. And hopefully you saved the recordings.

we are a gay couple 15years together kids 3,4,8. own home together. she is pursuing lifelong dream of 2nd career. Law school. not working, I am supporting financially. WS got bored, goes to school with OP, they became friends when OP had messy break up over summer '06. then started A 9/06. OK, i get the message loud and clear, I don't do angry very well, but I need to continue the spying. just need to grow a little stronger to hear it all.

Folks, this is actually what I do for a living. I actually got into the business by investigating my wife at the time. I found out many things. I was already in a similar type of work, so it wasn't a stretch.

ANYTHING you do on a computer or electronic device stays in some form of memory for a certain period of time. Most people have no idea about this. Even deleting documents and emptying the various recycle type bins on a computer has no effect on the actual data kept on the hard drive. If you want to find it, you can. If you suspect someone of using IM or email to communicate with a lover, they probably are. You're not paranoid.

Now, here's the advice part. I nearly drove myself insane with this type of activity. I kept tracking my wife, using GPS in the car, reading emails, etc., until I really did go crazy. This will drive you mad. If you feel it's continuing even after you discovered evidence and approached your spouse on the matter, you do need to stop. First of all, what you need to realize, is this type of thing is possibly illegal - even in a spousal situation in your own home. The more important part is it'll drive you insane. You will find things out that you can do without.

thanks dh, I already know from just a few short weeks, that this info I can absolutely live without, all the emotions and inuendo's that I hear in WS's voice while on the phone make me nauseous. I have stopped taping phone calls and stopped reading emails, i will pick up the cell phone if there is a text, but why do I do this? its mental, I already know that WS still talks to and sees OP, so I don't need any more confirmation of that. I do feel a litte obsessed with the whole thing, sort of desperation. I did feel a little more control over the sitch when I was spying. but at what expense, maybe thats what I am feeling now. just less control, but guess what , thats true, I don't have control over WS or OP, only myself. maybe thats the lesson. worry about what I can control , me

Just to let you in on what I have done. I do have keylogging software on the computers in the house. I justified it by saying that I need to know. I did need to know, but all I found out is that she tells the MC and myself one thing and then types something else. It was driving me crazy, taking all my time reading what she was doing, and trying to figure it out. Does it help? No, it only upsets me, I can't stop what she is doing. All I can do is make myself a better person and spend time with my kids.

So it has been three days now and I haven't looked. It is hard, I want to. I really do. But I have decided that since I contacted the OM, exposed her, and she continues on with it, and bashing me. I need to let her go off in her fantasy/fog and not care so much what she is doing.

Lettting go of my addiction to snooping. It is not healthy

OMG, I agree wholeheartedly! I would find myself dealing well with plan A, then feeling anxious knowing I had to listen to the tapes. and after I was an emotional mess. then WS would think I was crazy, couldn't understand why I was fine one minute and a psycho the next. don't get me wrong, I am glad that I did it. it was valuable. I feel like I have a real view of the dicotomy that is my WS. the thing is, WS has been telling me the truth, one day feels in love with OP and wants to be with OP. then one day loves me and wants to work it out. Problem is I didn't actually believe it until I read, heard all those lustful exchanges. talk about a frying pan over the head!!!!!!!1