That is weird, what are chances in that happening? thanks for your stories about dating. I am still not there yet but want to began soon. It helps to learn what other posters go thru when dating and their experiences when dating that person.



Just curious what were those red flags?

I do have one questions about these two past relationships. Did these people that you were dating tell you that the relationship was over between you or just stop calling? The reason for my question is that I don't believe that we (if not interested for a possible long term relationship) should not take the easy way out (I know, man are very notorieties for this) and just stop calling. This should be a red flag in it's self.

So Ladies, any luck on Match?
I get nothing from match, but still keep my profile up. Perhaps I should update it?
I did make an effort this week to "socialize" and stayed around after my business in NYC to have lunch with other people attending the conferences. A small step, but something. And I met some of the high powered women in my field.

I also caught up with an old colleague. He met his current wife at our job, they each divorced and then married. They lost a child, and adopted another. I can't imagine how it would feel to lose a child, and I thought it was quite an emotional hit, but they've persevered.

So I need to remember to count my blessings, particularly during this Christmas season.

I'm still hopeful for a date before New Year's but can't see where it might come from.

In the small town I live in? Very good! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


Oh, if you're interested......read on when I respond to Newly. Read, learn, and spare yourself some of the crazy things the dating world can bring.



Concerning the flags...
1)I went to a sporting event with him. [Keep in mind, he has somewhat of a dry sense of humor and the mere fact that I only knew him for 5 weeks]
A guy that I see in church occasionally and I don't know him was also at this meet. As he walked by me, I'm quite sure, he recognized me from church also, he looked at me, I took it as nothing more than recognition. Mr 5 said, that guy just checked you out. I wonder if he needs help down those stairs. While it was funny, cause I don't think that was the case, it also made me wonder if he were possessive.
2)Would have been his daughter. Should I enter a relantionship with a man that has children, I want to have a good relationship with his children, and he mine. I had reservations concerning his daughter. She was very much the center of her father's life [their mother died a couple years ago]. I think there could have been issues there, and perhaps, it would have spilled over into the mixing of the kids from both homes. I had fears of it not going well.
Those were the two main issues that I saw upfront, that would have caused me concern. As I said though, it was such a short amount of time, I don't feel I can say one way or the other.
This guy did come to my house unannounced, and tell me he could no longer date me. He had forgotten he was still in love with his xgf. I respected him for that. It still hurt, but I do have respect for his honesty.

As for my LTR? There were many good times during that period. I place a lot of blame on myself because I was not in a good place to be dating during that time. Talk about totally wrecking something, that would have been our relationship. We broke up several times, [usually at my request. Needing time to fix me] Each time getting back together only to break it off again. Sad but true, it was like an addiction. Something so hard to break free from.
The last time we broke it off, but were semi keeping contact, he married someone within 5 mos I think it was. He called me after the 3 week marriage ended to tell me what he had done. That pretty much sealed the coffin!

Good luck to you! It's tough. Dating at this age is much different. Not at all carefree in my opinion.

K.

What's the saying? If it weren't for bad, I wouldn't have any??
Oh Newly, I met one last night.
He so far was the best looking one on there.
Well, we had/have gotten as far as the contact stage. He called me Friday night, at 8:45pm, which I thought was lame, but let it go. He asked if I wanted to meet for a beverage the next eve. Sure, that would be fine. He was supposed to work until 5, and he would call me after he was done. He called at 3. I was surprised, and mentioned that I thought he was working. He had his reasons why he wasn't, and went on to say.........
I'm trying to come up with a way to meet you this evening, but the truth is...I have no $$. Yep, that's what he said.
He said, I filled my car up and got groceries, and I have nothing left. He had tried to borrow $$ from a couple buddies, but they're broke too.
That was my out, but did I take it, no. I said, well, we can meet for coffee. I'm fine with that, and I have no problem paying for myself. He said, yeah, we could do that. I can just have water.

Can you even imagine???
I was advised to call and cancel, or just not show, but I couldn't do that. I'm sure my action wasn't much better, as I told him after we got there that I would be leaving in an hour to meet a friend. Which was true. Only, I did set it up just before walking out the door. He accused me of speed dating. Whatever! He is the last person that I care to impress.

It's great that you stuck around for lunch after your conf.
Put yourself and your name out there! Small step, but very significant!
Sad story about your friend. I don't know how people make it thru tragedies like that. We had our own close call. I can say, life changes forever when something tragic happens.
I'm sure they will have pain in their hearts forever. But, how wonderful to give another child a hope and future.

As for the date by NYE? After last night? I'm wishing for a couple girl friends to do something with. The thought of a date right now scares me.

K.

Yes, that what a person should do. I know I will.



Thanks for your reply on this!



I see your point that would have "sealed the coffine for me. To marry someone only after 5 months! and then divorce in 3 weeks. What was he thinking????

I am sorry, how much is a cup of coffee? Am I reading this right it sound like he wanted you to buy him a cup of coffee.



"speed dating" what's that? God I must be out of the loop! And he is not doing a good job impressing you and can understand why you feel that way.

oh, "speed dating" that mean you get the date over quickly?

I don't know much about either Sag, but, I'll share what little I do know.

It's a place set up where men and women can sit and talk for a set period of time, I have no clue the time limit. At the end of the set time, they go to another table and meet someone new.
There has been someone on her that has tried it. Maybe they will chime in. But, that's my basic understanding.

And back to the coffee.....I don't know what he was thinking. There are times when I offer to buy, but not last night!
I mean were talking $1.20 maybe? Pitiful! No tip even involved.

K.

Wow! never heard of that, wonder what the point is quality vs. quantity?? yes, hope the other poster chimes in.



I know, this is a red flag in itself. Sound like a very cheap person. I mean we are just talking about a cup of coffee. I would kill just to have a cup of cofffee with a woman with no expectation, just talking and I would treat! (And I not in a very good financier situation right now after all my ex’s BS). Man, can't understand this person at all!!! He is an idiot.

Too funny. I guess I'm not missing out on much.
I seem to be dealing with alot of child angst lately.
The oldest used the fact that she's a child of divorce to get her friends to feel sorry for her. Really, she was just jealous that an older girl got more attention than her.
I told her she'd need to write down what she did and share it with her counselor, and apologize to each of her friends for manipulating them. And I knew she did it when the one asked me what manipulation is?
Too rough dealing with the kids to date.

newly:



Yes, sounds like you got your hands full.*revised*

But it great to hear that you are dealing with this issue, concerning your children's emotional state! GOOD FOR U!!!

You always seem to deal with your kids situations positively. You're a good mom Newly!

As far as the dating, or whatever it was that I just did, you are not missing anything. If I were still in my 3 day trial, I would not pay for the subscription.

I wrote this guy and told him my plan was to continue meeting other people and good luck in his search.
He wrote me back and said he understood, but did that mean I didn't want to see him anymore?
Guess I didn't clarify well enough.
So, I wrote back to say, I don't multiple date or continue getting to know someone while meeting others. It's not me, so I would decline another date.
That, he got.
Not fun. Not fun at all.

K.

You mean some dating services (web sites) let you try it for free? Interesting....

K, you made my day by reminding me it was almost 9 months ago, April Fools Day, when 5 broke it off with you because I don't feel so weird to still have ups and downs over 11 after less than 3 months. Basically, I'm sleeping at night, functioning normally, just have the fleeting thoughts, unless I get triggered as I did this week. The feelings dissipate much more quickly now than a couple of months ago.

K, I also appreciate you saying I was innocent, but I've also got to take responsibility for ignoring red flags. I told 11 his words didn't match his actions when he continued to insist he'd NEVER get back together with XGF/W because he didn't respect her lifestyle of her values, but continued to spend hours talking to her on the phone. He seemed to be in total denial, but I didn't have to believe his denial. Yet, I truly believe he was doing the best he could, as we all do. Unfortunately, it looks like he still has to walk through some of the stuff I've already BTDT... I could be wrong and he may live the rest of his life in wedded bliss, but I doubt it.

Most of the time I feel grateful for having had the experience of falling in love again, trusting another person again, and feeling such compatibility and connection, even if it was short-lived. I think the holidays just bring up feelings of loneliness and loss.


LOL! I'm going to a 4-day mental and physical cleanse over New Years so I get to skip the whole NY's date thing. I've got my work holiday party coming up next weekend. There's a live band so I hope I get a chance to dance, even though I don't have a date!

WHOA Ladies......look who looked at my profile!

"ABC's "The Bachelor" Finalist"

He didn't mention it in his profile, but so he claims in his title.
He's pretty good looking too! I wonder if I could handle his ego though? I don't think so. Leave the strong ego at the door please. That would be a BTDT kind of thing. X had plenty for him and I.

K.

Well, if you're weird, than I am too. I remember quite well thinking to myself, K, it's been 5 mos, you only dated him 5 weeks, get over him. It took time LT, lots of it. That's what scares me about allowing myself to be vulnerable again. As long as I feel no connections, I'm fine. But let me feel something for them, and it takes some serious time for them to get out of my heart. And until they do, there is no room for another.
I hope your healing will come sooner than later. There's nothing worse than feeling this way, and the men have long moved on with someone else, in our cases that is.

For us, and I would imagine, most others, it is pretty great that we have found we can feel this way again. So, the experience wasn't all bad.

Are you going alone to the P&M cleanse? Interesting! Enjoy.

K.

Interesting about "The Bachelor" finalist viewing your profile! Most of the guys who've viewed mine aren't what I'd call physically attractive from their pictures, if they even have pictures. It sometimes makes me wonder if my expectations are too high...

Well, I certainly hope it doesn't take me 11 months to get over Mr. 11 weeks! And, yes, it's really scary to think about allowing myself to be vulnerable again and risking going through this same kind of pain again! I wish it wasn't so hard, as you pointed out, to let go once I let someone into my heart. I know I'll never again date anyone with any X's lurking in the background, even ones they insist they'll never get back together with, LOL!

A friend of mine is going to the cleanse with me. I'm hoping for a fresh start in 2007!

OK, where is this NY's clense, and can it be opened to all of the wonderful women on MB?

I've had my share of perv's too, and toss backs. I have only corresponded with one so far. And that was Poorboy.
One guy wanted to be my blanket and my bed, or some such crap. Then there was the 26 yr old. I can't even take that as a compliment because it's plain ridiculous.
At this point, I'm disgusted with it.
K.

newly, the New Year's Cleanse is in Los Angeles with a woman named Byron Katie who wrote a book called Loving What Is and another book called I Need Your Love, Is That True? You can check it out at her website: www.thework.com.

K, I was just talking to mutual friend of mine and 11's. He told me some really strange stuff, basically agreeing with my perceptions about 11. Just before he got back with XGF/W, mutual friend asked him if he was hedging his bets by continuing to talk to XGF and he told mutual friend that I hadn't told him I loved him yet - he hadn't told me either! The more 11 talked to XGF/W, the more I backed off while she was having, in his words, a "nervous breakdown" over him. He definitely seemed to find this appealing! Mutual friend got the same weird feeling I've had, but haven't voiced since it was just intuition, that 11 wanted whichever one of us was willing to fight the hardest for him! This is the same mutual friend who told me he never knew where he stood with 11, which is basically how I felt most of the time. Mutual friend also said he insisted that 11 leave me alone after he moved XGF/W back in, which is the only reason 11 didn't keep trying to contact me. I realize I was/am lucky he chose her instead of me, but my heart hasn't completely accepted that yet. It makes me wonder about myself and why I'm still falling for guys who are "challenges" with significant emotional issues. I hope it's possible for me to fall in love with someone at least a little healthier next time...

As for on-line dating, did I mention I've been signed up with e-Harmony for almost 3 months and despite removing any geographic restrictions, I haven't even gotten one match yet?