I have just found out that when my husband was in Huntsville, AL last spring, he not only went to Hooters several times a week, two of the girls also went to his hotel room. I am done! I have tried this plan a, trying desperately to save my marriage, but I believe that He has cheated off an on on me for a long time, but won't admit it. This is a wonderful website, but sometimes it just doesn't work.

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Was this one of the things that he confessed to? How did you find out?

Well it doesn't change history if that is how you define "work".

On the other hand I wouldn't very likely be willing to "reconcile" with a serial cheat and don't usually advise others to do so without some intense internal searching and poking around.

Interstingly enough I mentioned earlier in the week that I consider Hooters to be prostitution and believe that this instance is just one more slab of evidence.

He went to *Hooters* for a REASON...he didn't go to Hardees or the Olive Garden or Outback or ...fill in the blank...

Not that I'm saying it's impossible to pick up a waitress elsewhere but the premise of the place..combined with his clear intent..combined with the results [two different women in a matter of days]..well I'd be curious about whether he paid them or not..possibly in drinks.

That may be true for some, but the issue is your relationship with your H. That sounds like it isn't working. Did H do anything with the ladies that visit his room (I know that's dumb question) and again how did you find out?

1. I found out by surprising him at work and checking his computer. He had her pictures on the computer. He had her phone number in his pocket. He hasn't been in huntsville for 5 months, but I have to suspect that there has been contact.
2. I don't really know what they did, he makes up something different everytime we talked.
3. We were making great progress, I was ready to forgive him for past situations, (one affair) and he seemed really repentant.Our relationship was becoming fun again. He said he was so sorry for hurting me.
4. I think that plan A didn't work for us because of his shortcomings, yes he went to Hooters, and yes I asked, no begged him not to go.
5. I never thought of him as a serial cheat, but I guess that is what he is. so sad. We could have had a great marriage.
thanks for letting me spout

Sad,
I'm sorry. I have always said i can't understand how women can go to Hooters, i have heard many say they do with their Hs. I have never and will never, the sign, the name and the reputation makes me sick. My H knows i'd be very angry if he went there. I make it clear.
I wouldn't doubt that the girls there get offers of all kinds, they are enticing it. You can't go anywhere in society as a man and not be stroked sexually. It's disgusting and almost impossible to stay happily married for a lifetime.
Don't give up, maybe Harley can help. Keep reading, you may find what you can do to help you H. I'm already having problems with my teens, they are so bombarded with sex they have to be watched 24/7 and they still get into trouble and have to get busted. When Hs have to go out of town, you almost need to accompany them to protect them. I feel sometimes i have to protect my H from predators. They are everywhere!!!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

sss, Marriage Builders is a program to resolve marital problems, not personalities. The problem is not that MB doesn't work, but that your H is a serial cheater. Sure, he can change if is seriously committed, but no one can make that committment except him.

I hear and agree with the prevelance of temptation. But we men are adults, too.

We are capable of deciding, BEFORE WE GO ON THE TRIP, to not do anything that would put us at the top of a slippery slope.

This may include:
1. Not going to Hooters
2. Asking the hotel to block porn channels on in-room service
3. Keeping an internet filter on our laptops
4. Stay out of places where hookers and prostitutes linger.

It all depends on where your priorities are. I have never been in a Hooters. I don't think my wife would want me in there. I see no reason to go except to gawk at the waitresses and I don't want to offend my wife in that manner.

Don't get me wrong, I'm as red-blooded and testosterone-driven as any man, but I know my weaknesses and where temptation is hard to fight. I know that the images of the Hooters waitresses would probably stay in my mind for some time. Going back to a lonely hotel room with porn on the TV and "escorts" just a phone call away would be a recipe for disaster.

Men can (and should) make these decisions for themselves long before they board the plane.

Just my (male) opinion.

I agree with all of you, I guess I mean that plan A doesn't always work because our situation is probably impossible. My H is now very repentant (again). So I am taking it a day at a time. I still threw him out. I don't really have any hope right now, and for now that's ok. I need to stand on my own two feet. I never thought about the fact that even though there have been few physical adultry events (that I know of) he is still a serial cheater. This helps put things in better percpective.
Artor, by the way, he always made it a point to tell me that he put boundries in place, (well except for last spring). I think he is a serial liar as well.

This post saddens me. It has brought me to one of two conclusions...

1) I must be butt ugly. This random pick up crap never happens to me.

or

2) The married people that are having this happen to them are SEEKING it. They encourage the behavior just based on their appearance and eye contact.

oh, I just thought of :

3) I'm a moron and can't tell when it is happening!

Sorry... it just sprung in my head.

This may include:
3. Keeping an internet filter on our laptops


This is an excellent idea. We do this on all our computers, and my wife has the password!

It's #2, really, 90% of the time. I'm out and about, but NOTHING about my persona gives OM's a hint that I in anyway would appreciate their attention. I give off THAT vib. I totally believe it starts with the eye-contact. You've heard of Gaydar, it's like Affairdar. Serial cheats FIND each other.

The other 10% is targeted seduction, an OP specifically targets a potential WS. Those are the 'just friends because he's never approached me that way' - but he's managed to worm his way into your brain. Frog in the boiling water effect. This is where the boundaries come into play.

- Dru

Too funny!

I'm with Dru, it's the vibes. Nobody has ever approached me unless I was looking.

My BF is out and about a lot too, and he tells me he has never been hit on. Why? Because of the vibes. He isn't looking, isn't interested and can't be bought! LOL

Butt ugly? Hardly. For a woman, looks have very little to do with it. Very little.

Besides we learn on this board, OP's are normally way down on the ole looks scale from the spouses.

Even with their clothes off! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Women who work in places like Hooters may be a tad easier to pick up, I don't know...but the saying is

"you can bring a horse to water, but you can't make him drink"

You can't pick someone up unless there is a certain amount of flirting going on to begin with, and it must be both ways I would think.

I'm more worried about the influence those types of girls have on my DD than I am of the influence they have on my BF. She thinks they all look like they are having so much fun and so happy...right! The half-clad ones that is, she's never been to Hooters.

I no longer go to bars with the girls though. I know my boundaries get very slanted when I drink and when I am in the right situation. And if I don't drink while I'm at the bar it makes me ill to be there. They seem gross to me. I'm like the other poster on here, I don't do it because why invite trouble. We know ourselves good enough to know what types of sitch's to avoid. And if not, then we are not praticing the rule of protection, for ourself or for our R.

Sorry for the ramble.

SSS:

It isn't Hooters Girls. It's SSS's H. I was Wayward, I didn't need to go to Hooters to find someone. I walked across the office hallway. When you are looking, or could be looking, other potential OP know.

But do you know the business plan behind Hooters?

Yes, the young women servers are half clad and attractive.

But, they are trained to look the male clientele in the eye, to ask them some personal questions, and to respond with enthusiasm and interest.

And if they do that, they will collect serious, and I mean serious, dollars in tips. (Who's exploited who?)

Some men, married or not, are so starved for this type of rapt female attention that they will pay whatever amount for it. And this has nothing to do with a date afterward, it's just something that men (and women in other venues), need.

This does not mean that men are off the hook, they should do the same for thier spouses and significant others as well.

If a man is going to Hooters, it's just not for the eye candy, it's for this service training. Cause I can go to a strip club, and see even more skin. And the local sports bar does similar things, just not to the same level of expertise.

Just my .02 on Hooters.

SSS? Your H has a problem. That he needs to fix.

Send this a-hole packing. He doesn't deserve you.

Thanks to all of you. I left, am staying with my married son. He is an attorney and says we will deal with me getting the house after Christmas. WH at first said he would not see psycharist, now he has agreed. I think something is wrong with him. I have been his wife for a very long time and don't know any other life. My kids (7) are wonderful and poised and ready to help me start a new life of my own. I really appreciate the info. Actually, My daughter in law called the girl and talked to her. She said she thought he was a cute older man, and yes she knew his personal life. Said there was no sex. I don't care anymore. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />