I'm a lurker.....HAPPY BDAY LILSIS!!!!

Do something nice for yourself today

Happy Birthday!!

lay low this morning.....give WH a chance to make the first move.......see how you feel this afternoon.

what should you say if he asks yoou how your birthday was?

i think you can be honest and tell hi you felt lonely w/o it being an LB.
just smile when you say it....look him in the eye if you can.

if it's over the phone, just say it in an upbeat voice.

and again, happy birthday!

Hey LilSis,
I just came online to let you know I was thinking of you today. Happy Birthday!

I'm no expert in all this and I'm hoping the Big Guns chime in with their advice, but...

I would like to give a little warning though. I'm betting yesterday was a BIG day for them...a very big high. I'm sure she pulled out all the stops to reassure him that he has made the right decision.

So, today could go a lot of different directions. He could be feeling extreme GUILT or extreme DETERMINATION to get on with the D.

My gut would say to avoid him today.

IAG:
Thanks for putting that out there for me. WH worked yesterday (which means he doesn't get home until 6:45 and likes to go to bed fairly early), but I believe that RT unloads her kids on Tuesdays now. How perfect for them to have a nice romantic Valentine's Day.

Anyway, it's good to keep in mind that he's likely high as a kite. One more option I suppose (with a postive spin) is that if she did pull out all the stops, it freaked him out a bit (too much pressure). Not likely.

WH and I never did a lot for v-day...card and chocolates. But then again...we never did a lot for ANY holiday. His family barely celebrated birthdays (out to eat or something; no presents).

So far my kids haven't remembered....

Happy Birthday Lilsis.

I would say lay low and see what happens. I would be shocked if he didn't at least take the kids out to get your cards and a gift. That would be a sad commentary on his state of mind.

Find a way to enjoy your day.

MEDC

This birthday sucks.

As I'm backing out of the driveway to drive the kids to school, I get stuck. I was trying to avoid all the ice chunks (they are BRICKS of ice) at the end of the driveway, and apparently one got stuck beneath the car and I can't get out. DS11 is trying to help...I just give up. My wonderful neighbor sticks her head out the door and jiggles her keys...she's already got her car started for me.

I get out of my car and start bawling. I walk over to my neighbor and lay my head on her shoulder and cry. "It's okay," she says. "you are fine. Just take mine. We'll worry about this later."

A white car pull in behind mine. It's one of WH's "good buddies," another "former" WS who cheated on his wife for 10 years. Not really in the mood to see him. "I'll push you out!" he annouces with a big smile.

"No thanks, Jim. Just tell your [censored] friend." I'm bawling, so I don't think he hears me. But I see his face fall, he says okay, and gets back in his car.

So I drop the kids off at school and come home. WH has called the cell but I don't answer.

I'm here typing part one of this post and WH comes to the back door. He knocks...I don't answer. So he comes in. I can hear his radio, a call come in for him. He walks up the steps into the kitchen (where the computer is), I don't even look at him. "Come here." he says.

"Go take your call."

"I don't have a call. Come here. Just come here, will you please?"

I get up from the computer...still crying..and just stand there looking at him.

"Come here." So I step towards him and he pulls my head to his shoulder and I'm bawling and he's holding me. This goes on for a couple of minutes. Then I step back.
LS: Go ahead. Tell me it's all my fault. (still sobbing)
WH: I won't tell you it's all your fault. Would you get new tires on that thing? Come on, let's go get you unstuck.
I'm still crying.
WH: Is it something else? or is it just the icing on the cake?
LS: It's everything. (I just plunk down on the floor, put my head on my knees and keep crying.)
LS: Please tell me, what did I do to deserve this?
WH: Don't ask yourself that.
LS: I'm not asking myself, I'm asking YOU. What did I do to deserve this?
WH closes his eyes and leans his head on the wall and pauses a moment. "Nothing." Long pause, while my crying subsides. "Let's go get you unstuck. Come on."

So we go out and of course he gets me unstuck in like 30 seconds flat.

I get out of the car, say thank you, he looks at me and says, "come on" and motions with his head towards the house.

I'll post and continue on...

Lilsis... I know you have a plan and the people here have been good to you and given you great advice.... This makes me think all the more that your H will respond to a much stronger approach from you RIGHT NOW. The iron is hot in my opinion. Not so much a plan A and not so much a Plan FU... but something that says... I need you here NOW. It's time for YOU (wh) to make a choice. And if he goes with her... then Plan B.
Just my 2 cents. I will supppot you no matter how you handle this.

We go into the house and I take off my coat and immediately start bawling again.

"Awww." WH grabs my head and pulls it towards his chest. I'm just sobbing all over his uniform.
"Did you even remember it was my birthday?"
"Of COURSE I did. I thought of it first...." (that peters out)
"The kids didn't remember."
"I remembered. Of course I remembered. So this was just the icing on the cake. Could you please get new tires on that thing? It needs new tires. When you go in, ask them to just re-attach that mud flap."
I just look at him. I feel in absolutely no position to give any thought to tires on the car.
WH: Did you cash that check?
LS: No.
WH: Well then give it to me so I can deposit it. Why don't you want to get new tires?
LS: I just don't feel like dealing with it.
WH: There's nothing to deal with. You just go in and wait for it. Bring a book.
LS: Could you just do it, please?
WH: I can meet you there. We can do that tomorrow when I'm off.
LS: Okay. That would be good.
WH: Okay. Are you okay now?
LS: Yeah. Thanks for getting me unstuck. (I put my arms up to get a hug and he comes toward me, gives me the one armed one.)
LS: Why don't you hug me?
WH: I do. .... To what end? Besides, I can't with all this stuff on (he indicates his bulletproof vest and his belt full of gear and assorted weaponry)
WH is straightening his tie in the mirror by the back door.
LS: You look handsome. Thanks again for rescuing me.
WH: It's not a matter of rescuing. .... Okay (he puts his hand on the door and starts to open it..) Talk to you later.
LS: Okay, careful, love you, bye. (small smile)
WH looks me in the eye. "See ya." he says with a smile.
LS: c-ly-b and an tiny air kiss.
WH smiles and walks out.

I come here to finish my post....

sounds like a good plan to me.
not today but maybe after tommorow.

tomorrow... yes.

BTW...thanks for the birthday greeting.

See...he HAS made his choice. And he's chosen RT. He might have a TOE on the fence, but he's still 90% over on the other side. If he were forced to make a choice now...he'd just pull the toe off.

I'll wait for advice from others, too.... Not quite feeling emotionally with it right now. Queasy from the roller coaster, which has been going down, down, down.

That said...I didn't see the WH on a "high" today. If he were on the high, he would have lit into me.

Oh...that was part of our conversation...when we came back in the house. Forgot this part...

WH: why didn't you call me right away?
LS: Beause the last few times I called you for help you've yelled at me. (I'm crying during this, still)
WH: Ohh... (and he closes his eyes again and leans his head against the wall)

you know him best LIlsis. From my perspective it just looks different. Keep doing what you feel is best. I'm sorry you are having a bad day... but it is early... it will get better.

Sis,

You know I'm no expert here, but I think this mornings interaction was great!

You needed him - He was there!! You told him you need him for the tires, and he said YES! YOU are getting his time on his day off,,,,, not RT!!

He looked you in the EYES!!!! He wanted to see YOU and for you to see HIM!

I'll defer to the experts to really respond in detail- I'm all about trying to look on the Sunnyside of life!

Happy Birthday! I spent my birthday "alone" in January, so I understand how crappy it can be, especially on the heels of VD (in our sitch, that's how I think of it, a nasty thing that you don't want to ever have!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />.

You should go out for dinner tonight with your boys. Go somewhere you are all comfortable and can just relax. You deserve a night without cooking & dishes!

Keep smilin!

Happy Bday Sis, and I think that was all just great!

You knew today was going to be hard, and it is, but you were given another major victory.

I would have been delighted if AJ had shown a fraction of this kind of caring during his A, but almost always I had nothing. (He just "let" me have sex with him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />) And yet he is now a stellar husband, who gives and gives and gives of himself.

You are blessed to be able to see the impact you're making. Trust me, this is working.

from my perspective, your WH certainly seems more engaged lately....he's been calling, reaching out to you...offering help.....on his day off! your conversations have been much more intense....i see more than a toe on the fence.
that is not to say that i think it is time to bo to plan B....but there is something in MEDC's idea that i think you can work with.....lay some groundwork.

maybe it is time to mention to him again that you do not want a divorce....that you miss him....want HIM and want to go to MC and give your marriage another shot.

{{{{{{{{Lil Sis}}}}}}}}}} Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you and to remind you that God is still on your side.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Hello LS, I have to agree with the others I think him coming to your rescue and asking why didn't you call sooner is huge. If you ask me that is one of the best b-day presents you could have gotten. You are definitely winning him over. I know you were and are upset because it's was v-day yesterday and your b-day today. BTW Happy Birthday and Valentines's day to you. I think the only thing that maybe you should have done differently was not say that he fussed at you the last time you called and needed help. You should have said you knew he was busy and you didnt want to bother him and that way you could have won him over without making him feel anymore bad than what I am sure he does already. I know what you said was true and you had every right to be true to him but at the same time you can do that while gaining ground instead of losing it.

If you had said the above instead of what you did say I am sure he would have said something like he is always willing to help and thanks for understanding that he has a stressful job.

I know you can't change it now it's just good to remember it in the futrue. The reason I know you would have gotten your point across and still gotten what you wanted from him is because my top need is admiration. I hate when my husband makes me feel worse when I already know I screwed up. It's just a thought. I hope this help.

It will be ok. Now you have something to look forward to because you will spend time with him tomorrow and when you get sad today just remember that. I am praying for you. BFN (Bye For Now)

MB

{{{{{HAPPY BIRTHDAY}}}}}

From where I stand, I see more than a big toe on the fence. I see AT LEAST a leg...

He DID only have a toe when you started plan A.

Now, you are interacting. He is IN your house, not waiting in the car. He calls you from Sam's, for crying out loud! He's going on his day off to help with the tires. He came and got you unstuck. He did NOT "have" to do that-and of it- and he wouldnt' have if you had not made inroads into his foggy mind.

Soooooo- is it too early for a bubble bath??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I'm sitting here with my eyes popped out thinking...OMG!! OMG!! Don't let me hear you say that he only has his toe over the fence!!! Like Neak's WH, my H wouldn't have even come over to help me during the height of his A. In fact, I had a flat tire and had never dealt with suc stuff in over 20 years..called him..and he told me to call a tow truck...

THIS IS HUGE...

This is the WH who has AVOIDED YOUR HUGS...

I wish I was there to whisper in your ear to HOLD ON UNTIL HE LETS YOU GO.....



DID YOU HEAR THIS, SIS? He said "NOTHING". He did not have to say this. He did not have to come over. These were CHOICES that he definitely made.

icing on the cake??

for some reason that's been bugging me.
that wasn't icing on a cake....it was the straw that broke the camels back!

sorry...just had to get that off my chest.
wish i could send you a little birthday cake w/ your favorite icing!

you asked what you could do in place of the roses....how about a thank you card??

oh, did you a valentines day card?