My wife admitted to having an affair in September. She told me it was over 2 different times. I have been noticing she hasn't been having any symptoms of withdrawel and with good reason. It hasn't stopped, it's just more covert. I am a minister in a local church and within the last 2-weeks 2 different people have confronted the senior pastor about my wife's affair. Apparently word has gotten out. There was also an anonymous letter sent to the church with the OM's name (already knew it). Since the affair has not ended and am now finding out it has been going on for 2 years. The OM's wife will be contacted, as well as that families pastor, they attende another church. We have 2 sons 18 and 20. My wife had admitted she wanted to seperate in the summer if not before. I see I cannot trust her and am mostly worried about the fallout in the church and with our kids they will be devastated, but they will have to know. Do you have any advice. The OM is married with 2 smaller children. I also have 4 months of printed out phone records between OM and WW. He has been using multiple cell phones.
I would appreciate feedback.Thank you very much. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Hi Floydray,

Welcome to MB. I'm sorry that you are going through all of this.

It sounds like exposure is happening now... so it's just a matter of time before the A dies off. If you have decided to continue with your M, then read up on Plan-A and see what actions you can start that will help show your W that you are the one that she wants to be with.

If you have any more specific questions, you might want to post them on the GQII page as it gets more traffic...

Semper Fi,
RIF

I am really sorry about your sit. you must be very hurt. I would act completely indifferent towards her. Be happy, ignore her. Let her separate - it will die very quickly. What I found out in my sit. was that when I just got on with my life, ignored her, and let her be with OM it started to die within 30 days - I am not through mine yet - but you have to decide if you want your marriage back - if you can believe that all of this will stop - if not you have some hardcore decisions that have to be made - and it is so hard - lots of pain. I wish you the best -

I am a formerly wayward husband, so I can't speak from the perspective the BSs here can, but I saw that one of your concerns is the fallout with the church. If you don't mind me asking, to what denomination do you belong? How does your wife's adultery affect your position at the church? What happens if you do divorce? Will that "taint" you in the eyes of the church. I ask because I know pastors whose lives have been destroyed because of divorce and their church essentially declared them unfit to serve. I pray that is not the case with you.

If the people of your church try to lay any of this at your feet, just remind them that Jesus was willing to forgive adultery, so you can do no less. Of course, repentence is kind of required, but I admire you for staying with your wife to this point. You obviously are a good man.

Thanks Jim, the church leadership has told me that I'm the victim here, and it will not affect my position. They have told me they will extend grace to WW, there needs to be major repentance and monitored behavior.

Sounds like a truly Christ Led Church. That's wonderful!

Hi Floydray,

Based on what I've observed in our church, A's happen regardless of religeous beliefs... Mrs. RIF was playing the piano for our church when she had several of her A's.

Thankfully, we belong to a church that believes in forgiveness and restitution as long as the offender turns from their sin and repents. I've seen some churches where that is not the case.

I've been following your thread on the GQII and it looks like the exposure light is growing brighter... so it will only be a matter of time before the A dies.

I don't have a lot of experience in 'ending' an A as in our case, we moved back to the US from an overseas tour which pretty much ended all of Mrs. RIF's A's.

When you get further along with your rebuilding process, if you have any questions, I'll be happy to share what worked and didn't work for us... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

All the best to you as you continue fighting for your M.

Semper Fi,
RIF