ok, i haven't posted in a while.

the holidays went ok. we had one big fight on christmas eve, but my wife woke up the next morning and apologized. this is unusual.

i haven't brought up divorce or anything marriage related (outside of christmas eve). my wife seems content to keep things as they are. she isn't horrible, but she definitely doesn't treat me with respect, nor is she working to improve our marriage or our situation.

my plan was to see an attorney after the holidays and begin the horrible process of ending my marriage. i have followed through with that (scheduled appointment to see attorney on friday). i have not directly told my wife of my plans. i mentioned during our fight christmas eve that i planned on filing for divorce sometime after the new year if things did not improve. she said that she understood and that i deserved better.

i have kept snooping and really haven't found anything concrete. EXCEPT, my wife has to work over every thursday for a special project (it is legit, i've checked). funny thing is, i've spotted the OM's car outside her place of work after the time he normally leaves. i'm only talking 10 or 15 minutes past the time he normally leaves, but it is still later than he normally stays. he normally leaves work between 4:03 to 4:08pm every day. on the days my wife has to work late, he has been leaving at 4:15 to 4:20pm. i haven't confronted her and if i am going to go thru with the divorce i don't see any reason to.

suggestions and opinions are welcomed as i am horrified at the prospect of filing for divorce. not only do i still love my wife, but i have a five year old daughter that i can't imagine not seeing every day.

so WHY are you filing for divorce? Read your own words please.

It's been recommended by 3 MC's that I divorce my wife (including Dr Harley on his radio show). My wife wants a "marriage/non-marriage". She wants to live like she is single, but have the benefits of marriage when it is convenient for her. She is behaving in a very disrespectful manner towards me and she refuses NC with the OM (will not look for other employment).

Also, I just don't think things are going to get better. I have concerns that I am jumping the gun, but on the other hand, living in like this is starting to take it's toll on me.

On another thread, Apelion got me to thinking about attachment versus love. You are attached to the marriage for various reasons that include your daughter AND your self respect; in other words, you must be in love in order to put up with your wife's lack of respect and betrayal.

This line of reasoning would not appear to be in your best long term interest or that of your daughter's. The example set by your wife is not one that will aid your daughter to grow up to be a person who has honor because your WW has NONE. In my opinion, your WW is an immature cretin and an unfit mother. Oh yea, and an unfit wife.

It would appear to be a time you need to start listening to the professionals and not to your own cognitive dissonance that attempts to justify what you have so far failed to do; grow a pair and do the right thing by you and your daughter.

In other words, your WW has made her choices based on her flawed and entitled vision of life. She isn't doing the right thing based on honor and grown up values. Neither are you. You stay in a loveless and flawed marriage with someone who is going to damage you and your daughter long term and YOU thereby enable the emotional result.

That your WW chooses to do the wrong thing in life doesn't stop you from choosing to do the right thing if you are to be the emotionally strong and mature parent your daughter deserves.

Ok, so those are my opinions.

Larry