We've been together for some months now, everything went pretty fast to be honest, we even had wedding plans but 3 weeks a go he asked me for some time "to think things through" after a couple days he showed up with the christmas present i got for him saying he couldnt accept it, cus he cant be with me anymore cus he doesnt love me, he thought he did for the first couple months but realized that is not true. he alwasy said to everyone specially members of his family (grandparents, parents, brothers and friend) that i was just an amazing person, that he finally was happy with someone and that for the first time in 3 years he wasnt missing his ex-g at all. and then this... im thinking that maybe it was all my fault, the story is that im a girl from the city and he is just a farmer boy, with no other dream than get his own far, get married, have a family and just be happy, which is something i never ever consider, im a traveler photographer who always thought that love was something not for her, till i met him, i went into panic when he started to introduce me to all the "important" people in his life so soon, so fast, when he started talking about marriage, and settle down in a lil farm in the middle of nowhere, it was so confusing at the moment for me, cus all my life i've been on my own, very indepent, never pictured myself with a husband and kids, i just loved what i do so much, more than any man i've ever met before... now that all this happened im sure i wanna stay here with him, i found what a lot of people look for and never get and i think i ruined it.
the thing is that now he says he misses his ex-g too much, he was with her for 3 years, went thru a lot with her, the girl did too much damage to him, cheat on him more than 6 times and always come back when the other guy dumped her, he went to the hospital cus of the deep depression. in few words, the girl ruined his life.

after the break up he wont even answer my calls, he called me last night and it was when he said that he misses her. im just desperate for some advise cus i cant figure out, i dont know if he never felt anything for me, or i just draged him away by telling him that eventually i will have to go to someplace in the world to work and be there for some months, cus i didnt wanna quit my career, i dont know if maybe he is affraid that in one of my trips i will cheat on him as the other girl did and he doesnt wanna go thru that pain again....
i've read what doctor Homer Mcdonald says, just agree with him and pretend everything is ok, but i want outsiders opinions, real people opinions... what do you think i should do?
please i need help

I'm sorry you are going through this confusing time. How old are you? How old is he? Honestly, I think that he is right to call off your engagement and take some time. Marriage is a huge commitment and a lot of work, and its best ended before it starts if it isn't right. It seems that your fiance is having some big doubts that he needs to work through. Good on him for being honest with you now, rather than later. You always did have doubts that he was moving too fast with you and that you were going to have a life contrary to what you had planned and hoped for with him. Take this time to be as "you" as you can be. If your relationship with him was meant to be, you will end up together. In the meantime, don't give up your career or anything else you love. Be you. ((( Hugs )))

Mrs. W8ing

Hi Ty,

I am sure that the situation is extremely upsetting for you....and it should be. W8ing4signs has some good input for you to think about.

Here's a little from a man's perspective.

Most men are morons. LOL....sad but true. Many men will jump from one relationship....right into another one...thinking about nothing but themselves....and drag innocent women along for the ride. The old relationship hasn't been given a chance to dissipate. They haven't taken time to consider the effects it had on them. They just go out hunting for a new woman.....convinced that the ex was the problem all along......rather than taking a hard look in the mirror and considering that they contributed to the situation and the ultimate end.

Its a good thing to keep this in mind when you meet a man. Take some time.....really communicate....before you fall in love. If a guy is telling you how horrible his ex was over your first dinner together....RUN! If he's not over her....how can he focus completely on you? He can't.

There is a song, within which the man sings about how he can no longer lie to his new lover....that she wasn't what he was looking for....but just "the softest place to fall". In other words......convenient...and available. In alot of men's minds...that translates into.."What the heck...I'm not doing anything anyway...why not involve myself with this woman". He may even feel badly about having done something like this to you. But....aren't you worth more than that? Just pity or remorse.

Everyone over the age of 12 has an "ex" something....wife....lover....partner...significant other. Now you do as well. Learn from it. Every person whom you loves leaves their mark on you. Some good...some bad.

A man who truly loves you....does not miss his old "ex". He is not unsure....because he thinks of you as a unique individual....not someone to be compared. His past relationships are resolved...and just that....his past. If this isn't the case....you are setting yourself up for disaster.

Good luck Ty......take this fish off the line....and throw him back in the water....he's not a keeper.

"Its just my opinion....I could be wrong" (Dennis Miller) [color:"blue"] [/color]

Ask yourself...

Would you really be happy long term living on a farm in the middle of no where?

Or would you miss your career and the excitement of the city to much?

I'm sure you do love this man, and there is nothing wrong with loving someone but realizing things just wouldn't work...and knowing it really is okay..it's not the end of the world, sometimes when we really love someone, we can let them go knowing it's whats best for all involved, not because we didn't love...but because we do love them, we love them enough to know ultimately it wouldn't work because our dreams are so different.

And there is nothing wrong with that..and we don't have to think about the what if's because we made the decision before knowing it was for the best of all involved.

So, what have you learned about yourself from this relationship and others from this relationship that you can take with you in life?

That you do want love in your life one day...

That you might want kids one day...

So remain open to those ideas for yourself, and you can learn to look back in fondness for what he brought to your life...