I know it's just me but please please please tell me it's the norm to children for their STBX father's personality traits.

She just pushes and pushes the boundaries.
I walk the fine line of coddling her thru the hard time and being what i know to be what a good mother should do.

Tonight's issue - bedtime. She's been up 4X's since being put to bed.

I am angry w/her to an extent but more so w/myself. I see myself as weak as I was w/her father. I don't want her to be sad so I say just one more time....

If I hadn't given so much of myself to try to 'make him happy' would he still be here? If I put my foot down the first time up and let her throw her tantrum would it be an issue - now? tomorrow? In everything I do???

For G's sake she's 3! She's not him.
I know how to be a good mom but I feel as if I've lost so much confidence that I'm losing that too.

Hi mcm,

I'm sorry you are having a tough time.Dealing with young kids is always trying and bedtime can be one of the worst to get through especially if your child is upset about something or pushes your buttons,testing you.

I can appreciate that you don't want your DD to be sad.No one wants their kids sad but what they need most along with our love is the boundary.Don't let that crumble and be *consistent.That is key.Each time you allow her to get back up is one more time she knows she can get her way.You have to be loving but firm.

Try not to compare whatever went on with your ex to what you are dealing with now with your DD.It's apples and oranges.I can't say enough about consistency.If kids know you mean business and can't be swayed and you are strong like a rock,then the future usually is easier since they know they can't snow you.

Setting up that routine is very important when they are young,at least that worked for me.It's works now when dealing with my teen D.I'm very calm about it all even though the tornado is swirling about me but invariably it dies down and back to normal we go.

Our kids need and want to know we are in control.They need limits and boundaries and order in their world and we need to provide it as best we can.Sometimes it the confusion of the signals we send them that they can't handle.It can be as simple as the fact that you do let your DD get up when she is being told she has to stay in bed.She gets conflicting messages and in turn gets upset.Or it could be much more.I don't know your whole story but I just thought I would share some of what I have learned in my own family.

Hang in there~

{{Hugs}} Mom to Mom <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Edited to add: please remember,your DD is only 3.She is so young,saw her parentst D'd which on some level she is affected by greatly,and she isn't manipulating you in the ways you might think.She needs your help.Love her and be patient and calm.Take some deep breaths.

Ugh. The terrible twos really do last from 2 1/2 to 3 1/2. I'm in the middle of it here as well.

I just wanted to let you know that you have it backwards. Your DD isn't acting like her father. WS's just act like three year olds.

Hang in there. In about six months you'll suddenly realize one day "Wow, we haven't had these behaviors at all lately." With love and consistency, they really do outgrow it.

Thanks.

And although it's knowledge I have it hasn't been accessed as of late. I guess that keeping my head above water stuff has gottent he better of me.


Who the WH or the 3y.o.?

Hi there. Saw your post and just wanted to suggest that you put her to bed but make sure she has a clock in her room. Tell her before the hand turns (10 minutes), you will be in to check on her, but she has to stay in bed. If she knows you're coming back, she may stay. This worked for me. If she really is tired, she'll probably be asleep when you go in. The next morning, you can tell her that you went in to check on her, but she was asleep. This way she knows you kept your word.

And I believe super nanny says to put them back in bed each time. I've heard the less talk the better too. She may be addicted to the comfort of your voice, and if you reward her with it, she will keep coming back. I know for me, talk is stimulating, and if someone talks to me in the middle of the night, the rest of the night is shot.

Sooly