I have been married for almost 9 years. we have a 7 yr old daughter. My husband was addicted to sex. He would get upset with me if we went for any period of time without it. It was ok for me to go a month (which i know is not normal). It wouldn't bother me a bit. Yes, its a part of our relationship, but its not the whole thing.

well, my husband would occasionally get upset with me about it and blow up. I'd cry, tell him I'd do better, and that was it. Well, the day before Thanksgiving he started. But this time he said it wasn't about sex. He said that I talked to him like he was a child and that he's tired of it. he's tired of trying and that its all my fault. He said that he felt like we were just roommates and that the love he once had for me wasn't there anymore. he said he wanted to protect me and our daughter, but he doesnt love me that way anymore. so... he decided he needed time apart. He went to stay with our friends (who is also a minister) and kept telling me that he just needed more time. Wednesday he told me that he was happier than he ever had been. He told me that he didnt see himself coming home.

Keep in mind he expects to let our daughter think that he goes to work before she wakes up and comes home after she's asleep. he has only seen her 3 times since New years....each about 10-15 minutes or so.

This job he has now (he's been working there for about 4 mos) is a nightmare. He doesnt make hardly any money and he just LOOOVES his job. This husband of mine who is a minister works with people who dont believe in God, ladies who dont have custody of their kids, no one is married...its just a bad place! FULL of sin! They talk about the girls getting together and having orgies and stuff. its just not something he should be in. They found out that we had not had sex in about 40 days (because he was soooo cold towards me) so they all went in together and bought him a porno mag!!!!!!!!! what kind of stuff is that for a preacher?!?!

anyway...this one girl who works there would have to get her sister to bring her to work because she doesnt have her license for some reason.. guess DUI or something. Anyway... her sister had a wreck and totaled her car so this girl has been having problems gettings to work. So low and behold guess who picks her up and takes her to work most of the time? yep. my husband. you got it!

his behavior is so weird too. I've asked if he was cheating and he promised me he wasn't. He shows all the signs. But tonight took the cake. He wasn't feeling good so he went to the ER as soon as he got off work. Guess who went WITH him. That girl. He said he had to take her home, so she just rode up there with him. Which his job is the halfway point between her house and the hospital.... both take about 10 minutes to get to from his work. I asked him if they were "involved". he said no. i dont know... i just don't understand him.

he left new years eve to stay with some friends. he hasn't been back since. he's only saw our daughter 3 times since then. for about 15 min each time. he doesnt call her. he wont talk to me on the phone. he will only text message.

but he says all this is my fault. i talked to him like a child.... talked down to him, he doesnt feel that love for me like he use to because i've hurt him so much. everyone i know has told me that they've never seen me talk down to him. but he has this pushed in my head that its all my fault and that none of this would be happening if i would have just acted like his wife instead of his roommate/best friend.

I so hate life right now. I need some advice.

OH, I meant to add that his ministry has gone down the drain. He doesnt go to church anymore, he said he isn't ready for that and that he just has no interest right now. He just walked away from it all. He was just ordained in September. I don't get it!

You might have better luck posting on Just Found Out or GQ II...but for sure it sounds like he is at least having an Emotional Affair.

What denomination are you afflilated with?

What church did you go to BEFORE your husband quit going to church?

Have you spoken to YOUR/HIS pastor about this as per Matthew 18:15-17?

If not, why not? If you go to them they are supposed to try and help you work to resolve this issue...if they can't then they are to treat him as if he is LOST (which is what it certainly sounds like).

I know some churches are better at actually DOING this than others, but do try and talk to his/your pastor.

Does he or the minister he's staying with have a church they are under or are accountable to for providing their income?
If so, then you may want to talk to his friends pastor as well.

If the church they belong to refuse to do anything, is there a denomation they are 'supposed' to be serving under that you could contact?

The most definitive research on divorce for christians and especially ministers. God help us all.

http://www.marriagedivorce.com/mdebook.pdf

We are baptist. we always have been. yes, the minister whom he is staying with is also a member of our church. he is a deacon of our church. he has been talking to my husband...but nothing.

then go to the Senior Pastor and let him know whats going on...ASK HIM to talk to your husband!!

If you have to...refer him to Matthew 18, and let him know you have already talked to your husband, and the deacon has (supposedly) talked to him, and it's only gotten worse, so you desire to take it to the last step..of it going before the congregation.

It is much like they call plan B around here where you take an affair public..but have you done that last step??

everyone knows. and its not like he's hiding it either! He still tells me they are just friends..but i know better. they went to walmart together last night! i have checked cellphone records and he has talked to her 365 minutes in 7 days. also, he has sent 2,998 text messages in 2 weeks. soooo........ just friends?? HA!