I'll try to explain this as short as possible but enough detail to get an answer:

My Fiance' was still friendly with his EX and I was aware that they IMed eachother as I was always in the room when they IMed...nothing sexual at all. Just small talk. They lived together for over 10 years pretty much like husband and wife but they no longer had sex after about 2 years of living together...a very strange relationship!!!!! But he did not cheat on her and remained a faithful partner despite no sex and he was deeply in love with her. Let's just say she had sexual issues as she was raped or at least that's what her excuse for no sex was to him so he accepted it and didn't push it. Anyway here's my problem...I went out of town for 2 weeks and when I was gone he was going and doing things with his EX like shopping etc. and kept it hidden from me except I found out accidently. I was very hurt and have not been able to put his betrayal out of my head. This happened a year ago and it's still bothering me really bad. We are planning to be married in a month and I'd like to know if this should have been a deal breaker or am a making too much out of nothing. BTW, I am sure they didn't have sex since they didn't have sex when they were living together...it's just the fact that he was sneaking around behind my back and I'm having trouble with trust now! He is no longer ever in contact with this woman BTW.

To me, this is a deal braker. Postpone the marriage. Engagement is a time to determine if the two of you are right for each other, and if you both are willing to put the other one first. Sounds like he isn't.

It seems to me that he is still allowing his X to meet some of his top Emotional Needs. That is what we call an Emotional Affair and, yes, its a dealbreaker in the engagement phase, especially because he lied to you about it. You need to give this relationship more time before you know that he is worthy of trust and marriage-material.


Mrs. W8ing

Should you delay the marriage, you have more time to learn his views about extra marital friendships. Can you two get some pre-marital couples counseling and delve into this? Just saying that if you aren't on the same page about this issue, it is bound to resurface. That means, that if he doesn't re-contact with HER, there could be someone else in the future. Try to get clear with each other.

It IS a dealbreaker unless you are both on the same page about it.

Thanks for everyone's opinions. I actually expected everyone to tell me to "get over it" but I see that I'm not crazy and it was a big deal what he did to me.

Biggy...Emotional affairs are just as damaging as a physical affair. You deserve to have a man whos attention is not divided a spent on another woman.