I am a newly betrayed spouse. This is my first time here. I am enjoying the reading on the website but I can't seem to find something on my husbands affair. We have a wonderful relationship he still says that now that he can not even think why he did it. We work together so our lives are completely intertwined. I would know if there was a long term affair I arrange all his out of town trips and he is home with us all other times. What happened was about 6 months ago he said his penis was raw after sex and asked me if I had a yeast infection. I told him I had no symptoms. He went to the doctor and came home and told me he just gave him some cream. Then he suddendly stoped being interested in sex much and was always tierd so he could go to bed before me. Than the other night he came to me with a envolope and asked me to read it. In the envolpe was two pills with a letter saying that there was a bacteria going between us that he had been tested for STDs and was negative and he had no idea where it came from. I took the pills because I didn't want anything. But the next day I looked up what I had taken and it is only givien in that large of dose is for STDs so I confronted him and he finally told me that on a golf trip to mexico he paid someone to give him oral sex. This is so out of line for him I can't even begin. He is so respected by everyone no one would ever image this. I am having trouble because I work here with him so I am having to put on a show every day that everything is alright he is the district manager of this office I can't tell anyone what happened or they could lose respect for him. I have an appoitment on monday to find out if it killed whatever is inside me. But how does forgivness come when they held information for months that could hurt you. If his story is true that was almost a year ago I am very afaid to go to the doctor. I can understand about the forgivness and I think I could have worked threw that but how do you get over that someone knew they had or possibly had a STD for over 6 months and not tell you he was treated twice and when he was feeling better would have sex with me and it would come back. Could it truley be that someone as smart as this man could know that he passed me something? And then to try and slip me some pills without me seeing a doctor to find out if it was right for me just to get away with it? He says he did all out of fear of losing me that he loves and adors me and that losing me is what drove him to lie. I am so confused because like the basic rules I worked really hard at that stuff. I told him that is says here that there had to be a reason he did it but he says he can not find a reason. Does anyone have any insite?

Welcome. That kind of thing happens all the time here. I would suggest no more golf trips to Mexico for your husband. It probably involved some of the other men he was with. Men get real stupid when they are celebrating.

I would be quite surprised if he got the bacteria from oral sex. Sounds more like chlamydia to me. Be sure to go to your doctor and get checked out. You will feel much better.

I would also talk to hubby and find out if there is more to the story.

Tell him you want to see the test results. And you both need to be tested. If he doesn't have all of the results, then either the doctor or the clinic needs to give him a copy or he needs to go through the entire STD testing process again--all of them.

It's hard to believe that our loving Hs can do something so awful and pretend like nothing happened. But, unfortunately it happens more than anyone would care to imagine, thus the need for a website like this one. Your H needs to come to some understanding as to why he allowed this to happen and why he would risk EVERYTHING for something so ridiculous. (My H had two A's in a very short period of time while I had moved out of state and was waiting for him to finish fixing up the house so he could move here too. He tried to play it off as if I had the overactive imagination.)

You and your H have much to discuss. Dr. Harley says that we need to protect our M by not allowing conditions to permit opportunity--such as being away from spouse overnight. I would encourage you to read some of Dr. Harley's information on this website and his books, complete the ENs questionnaires available on the website, and know that you are not alone. Healing and rebuilding of trust takes a LONG, LONG time. It is not for the weak of heart. My M is healing because my H is finally learning to talk about his feelings and learning to understand WHY this happened. And we RARELY are apart overnight. (I'll be honest that when we are, I am sick to my stomach with worry.)

While the conditions that brought you here are not what ANY of us would have wished for, know that you have found a good source of comfort and support.

Good luck and God bless.

SS