He has talked for a long time about having his own business,, but would never settle on one thing.

I always told him - put together a business plan and let's see if it makes sense. He never did

Looking back, I could have asked better questions and found out HOW he was wanting/needing me to support him. While o though I was,,
in the NEW rewritten history of Drac & Bugs, I never supported him.

I think he says this stuff to rattle my cage. To test me to see what I will say.

Just WHAT am I supposed to say? 'Oh Drac, please let's run down to the court house, let me sign away everything I have worked for, give you all of my money, your daughter's future security, so you can have your business and live happily ever after with the Ho?'

NOT!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

LMao...you really have to wonder sometimes...but YOU KNOW you are holding your OWN right now and he sees it...

I'm looking forweard to sharing our stuff on Wed.!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ya know..you rock.

How long has this been going on for you?

Bugs:

He is TRUSTING You.

He's not asking for you to settle.

He's Asking you, letting you know whats going on.

You have fed him back positive info, so that he can think about it.

Should he buy a business? I do not know. But, I recommend it. Why? Because it is the only way to really get ahead in this world.

Is this the "right" Business for Drac/Bugs? Don't know.

Is this the right time for him to invest? I suspect that it really isn't.

Can it be something that Drac/Bugs look into together? Definatly.

Can Bugs support him? Yes.

Do you think he will be successful? Probably.

So be supportive. Ask HIM where he thinks the problems are in this deal. Can you review the financials with him?

LG>>>> Hanging out his Sign Now: CPA For Sale!

There is never a best time to do a transaction like this. However, NOW is certainly not one of them.



LG

BUGS!!!

Your WH is probably TESTING you. I'm not sure if it's purposeful or unconscious..but I think this is MAJOR. It was for MY H..still is...

My H literally almost LAPS UP..PURRS LIKE A CAT..when I tell him how I have FAITH in his ABILITY to make GOOD BUSINESS DECISIONS...that I RESPECT, RESPECT, RESPECT his JUDGMENT to make MOVES to take care of HIS FAMILY...I can see him almost beating his chest when I say this STUFF..I can tell how he feels soooo LOVED by ME and LOVES, LOVES, LOVES me for doing it....

THIS IS THE ADMIRATION NEED and it was a BIG, BIG DEAL for my H..more important to him than the SF. That was the MAJOR NEED that the OW met and the MAJOR NEED he had to learn that I could meet..this was one of the primary things that I learned from STEVE...

THIS BEING SAID..let him know that you will SUPPORT HIM AS HIS WIFE in whatever BUSINESS MOVE THAT HE DECIDES TO MAKE..and I believe that you should AS HIS WIFE..make it CLEAR TO HIM THAT YOU HAVE FAITH AND RESPECT FOR YOUR HUSBAND and want to have the opportunity for the two of you to work as a TEAM TOGETHER!!!

Bugs Mom:

Here is a little inspiration for you...I hope it means to you what it meant for me to receive it today.

Fight the Good Fight

Today's Scripture

“That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our inner strength in the Lord is growing every day.” (2 Corinthians 4:16)

Today's Word from Joel and Victoria

Paul explained to the church at Corinth that giving up is not an option for a true Christian. As a follower of God, you are to fight the good fight in God’s strength and never surrender or give up. Being faithful means holding tight through tough and seemingly impossible times. Keep pushing whether you feel like it or not; keep going even when you run out of strength. Do the right thing, even when the wrong thing happens to you. In order to win the battle, you have to step out and take part in the struggle. Only after fighting the good fight can you experience the good victory that God has in store for you!

A Prayer for Today

God, thank You for giving me the strength to fight the good fight. Help me to keep my eyes on You for the endurance to keep moving forward. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Mimi,

I hear you. The points of my believing in, admiring, and trusting my HUSBAND is so key

Right now he is the WH. He is DRAC. That makes it very difficult to communicate these things, because as Drac I do not believe, admire, or trust him.

Does that make sense?

But, I am doing what I can. I could have encouraged the business idea, but the best I could do at that moment was just Not be negative.

Drac did go to the ballgame last night. He was w/the friend that wants him to go into the business with him.

He had called while we were busy, so it was an hour later when we got the message and called back

It is a minor thing, but his message was 'it's me. I am just getting to the ballgame. Call me back". VS his previous messages always saying 'it's DADDY' so that it was clear he was calling only for the kids.

He always talks to DD first. He asks why we did not answer his call. Funny, because so many times I have had to leave messages and wait for a call when he has the kids!

So, anyway, he is working today. I am going to take the kids to an amusement park today! I should be cleaning house and doing laundry, but the Heck with that.

We need some fun. If Drac can't/won't take us to the lake, we will find our own fun!

Have a great day all!

CORRECT!!

That's why during PLAN A, the ADMIRATION NEED has to made by making reference to what he did in the PAST and COMMUNICATING your FAITH in what he can do in the FUTURE..IN THE PRESENT, yes, he is DRAC..BUT demonstrating your WILLINGNESS and ABILITY to meet this NEED is important for him to GET in the coming days/weeks...

You are doing GREAT...

I just picked up on what he may have been SEARCHING FOR....

It's almost CUTE how he seems to be FALLING IN LOVE with you again...calling YOU from the ballgame, for example...

Half way through the Surving the Affair book.

I have a question .....

For Starting PLAN A:

I am to avoid disrespectful judgements ... which is something that occurs whenever someone tries to impose a system of values and beliefs on somoeone else.

So this would include bringing up to Bill that I would like to reconcile the marriage right ? I want to save it, and right now he says he wants a divorce, so by me bringing it up does it disrespects him then ???

I Need:

This is a complicated question. The answer should be based on the specifics of your situation.

It will be best for you to get help on your own thread.

Do you have one?

Mimi,

Thanks for the clarification(again).

I just got home from the amusement park w/the kids all day! Am soaking in the tub, as I love the rides but my bones do not!

This am I bought concert tickets for me & DD to see her fav singer in Aug

I had her call Drac to tell him- she was so excited. Well Drac was less than happy!

He'd already bought tickets for "her to go with ME!".

I responded "well that would have been nice to know"

Drac 'yea, same here'

Bugs 'sorry. The tkts just went on sale today and as I did not know if I would be able to get them I did't say anything. Why are you mad at me?"

Drac'I am not mad'

Bugs 'well then what did I do wrong?'

Drac'I just don't want to deal with this now. We will discuss it later'

Now, I know a Perfect PlanA goddess would have figured out a way to say 'let's go as a family now that we have tickets for everyone!"


However, even New Bugs was hurt that in Aug, Drac still plans things like concerts without me. My first thought that I got stuck on"he is going thru w/the D, this is just further proof'.

So, I let it go for now. The truth is the concert is MY weekend so wether it is Plan B or Plan D, it will be too bad for Drac. Plan Recovery will be his only hope of being there with DD!

He called while we were at the park but we did not know. We called when we left. He was working with his friend still.

He said he'd be over on the am. He is still planning on mowing the grass

I did recover some PlanA - talking about what a long day he'd put in,,how hard he works,,what a great friend he is.

I plan to ask him to put in a window air unit for me tomorrow in the bedroom. I will have the great lingere out on the bed! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

INH--i think you need to start a thread here, as isn't yours on a different board? Give us a summary of where you are and lots of folks can jump in to help.

Mimi is right about your question being complicated. Especially in the little I have been able to read on your thread.

Give us details on GQII.

Sorry about that.

I am new to this and don't exactly know what I'm doing.

Mine is trying to win my husband back....
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...&PHPSESSID=

Did you mean a new post. I don't even know how I managed the first one...it was by accident.

I started a thread for you on this forum.

Post your questions there.

Drac called on his way home from his friend's where he spent the night

He said he'd be here in an hour to mow the grass. We talked about his evening & it was pleasant

It started raining. He did show up and brought our mower back. His dad came along as he used his truck & trailer. They came in.

Drac got his mail, helped himself to a soda, sat down on the couch and changed the channel on the tv. He then played some games w/the kids. I watched, laughed, exchanged glances and had a good time.

Dad unloaded the mower and left. I had gone in the bedroom and put sheets on the bed. He came in & said he was leaving. I asked him to help put in the airconditioner later this week.

He hung around, petting the dog, just kind of hovering. I scooted closer but he walked away. I asked if he wanted to take DD for a while, he said yes

He told kids to get ready to go. I went downstairs for more laundry. He followed & hung around, then offered to help carry up laundry. I told him that when he brings DD home, maybe he could help me 'dirty up' those clean sheets, and laughed as I walked up stairs.

He followed and gave his to the kids to put away and followed me into the bedroom & locked the door saying 'let's give it a test now'

He was a bit distant after, but I just rolled with it. Light & breezy Goddess.

So,,,we will see how he is when he brings her home later.

He did something a bit different,,,which reminded me that he's recently had another partner (I refuse to give her the title of lover) But, I chose to put that out of my mind for now. Not easy!

So,,,is he using me? Is he cracking? Is the fog lifting?

I just don't know.

I don't know if this is helpful to you or not..

But it was KEY to my H to be "NORMAL" again...

When he came home, I wanted to be romanced and stuff..like I thought she was..and he mainly wanted to BE AROUND THE HOUSE..being like a NORMAL FAMILY MAN...

This came to my mind when I was reading your post...meeting all those DOMESTIC NEEDS..wanting to be with his DD..sit on the couch...he's MISSING that...

The SF is the ICING ON THE CAKE..

I experienced the DIFFERENT STUFF with SF, too...know what you mean...focus on CLAIMING YOUR TERRITORY even moreso...you know all the right touches and moves..for her it's guess work...

No, he's not using YOU..he's using HER, IMO...I know lots of other folks view this differently...

I'm eager to hear what STEVE has to say about the next steps in your plan....

Your WH is definitely ON THE FENCE...

Maybe you should ask him that question when he comes back...

"Remind me why you're leaving HOME?"

Bugs,

This is a letter I wrote to FM when I was Plan Aing my a$$ off and thought FM was possibly starting to look back. Steve coached me on it and while it didn't work, I think you're at the right stage to try this before you go into Plan B. Ask steve about it when you talk to him. It's all about finding the ideal scenario that would make Drac the happiest man he could possibly be and then trying to convince him that you are part of that scenario. It might be all he needs to hear at this point, if not it will plant a seed that will blossom when you go to Plan B.

Just trying to help. Here's the letter

I wanted to talk to you this week, but can’t do it in person because of the convention. I decided to talk to you via email so that I would have a better chance of getting the words out right. Once you read the email, maybe we can discuss this in the near future. I want to talk to you about the happiness that you are searching for. If you had your choice of scenarios would you pick a scenario that just made you happy or would you pick a scenario that would make you the happiest that you could possibly be? I would like to present to you the scenario that I know would make you the happiest that you could possibly be. I think that if you were in love with the father of your son and felt cared for and safe and was physically attracted to him and felt admired and received affection physically and emotionally and you felt like you could talk to him about anything that was on your mind and have conversations that left you feeling loved and understood and you felt like he was a good provider and a good father then you would be the happiest that you could possibly be. Would you agree with that?



If you agree with that scenario then the next question would be what will it take to make that happen? I know you want to be the happiest that you can possibly be and I believe that we can be that happy together. You may respond that you don’t know if that is possible. That’s OK. That just means that we have to gather more info so that we can come to that conclusion together. I know your feelings for me have changed. I know there was a time in our marriage when you wouldn’t have thought that was possible, but it happened, so I know that your feelings for me can change again, hopefully for the last time. I have spent a lot of time gathering info that can help us and have been studying the concepts and putting them into practice. I am not an expert yet so I know I probably still make my share of mistakes. I would like to share this info with you in the near future. We can take it slow. Baby steps are in order right now. I have found somebody that can help us. He wants to talk to you when you are ready. Take your time to process this email. Maybe we can talk after I am back. If there are issues that are keeping you from considering this then maybe we can talk about that too. I want you to feel safe when we do this. I want you to be happier than you ever thought possible. You deserve that. Take care and I’ll see you soon.

Mimi - that is Extemely helpfuI-especiall w/the latest development!

called and asked what they had going on ay Drac's for dinner,,knowing it was too early for him to have thought of it yet

Told him I was thinking of making a baked ziti out of the cookcbook he bought me for Christmas, and asked 'Are you guys interested?'

I almost fell on the floor when he said, Yeah, sure. Told hin it would be about an hour and a half, he said to call him.

So, I just put the ziti in the oven!

Am taking this time to re-group and calm down. I am going to change clothes w/the excuse it got chilly in here, which it did.

I will look appropriately casual but Goddess style!

We have not had a family meal since Christmas!

I promise to update later! Wish me luck!

Wow, look way over there. See the fence. DRAC used to be sitting on top of it with his back to Bugs (admiring the fake green grass, with the brown roots). Then he turned and started straddling it, looking her way. Now he's got one leg firmly planted on Bug's side (he SEES the beautiful green grass) and is about to throw his other leg over with the other one.

Cool.

Thx PM!

Am trying not to read TOO much into this,but am Very hopeful!

He's still on the fence, that is sure. As LG advised, I am trying real hard not to over play my hand right now. That is VERY hard to do.

Light and breeay goddess mode!

I heard a line in a movie earlier that I plan to use at the appropriate time (if I get the opportinity).

I CAN LIVE WITHOUT YOU, I JUST DON'T WANT TO

Drac will need to understand that very well if there is to be a recovery here.

Will there be recovery? That is for God to decide.

But let's hope this recipe turns out good!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It was on the tip of my tongue before to ask you: "What's for dinner?" and I come back here and THERE YOU GO...

I'M PRAYING FOR YA RIGHT NOW, BUGSY..cause you are ever so, so close...

BUGSY, YOU ARE AWESOME!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />