I am going to try and type a brief history of this whole sordid mess and then go from there...
October of 1999 - I sensed things weren't right with hubby. He was talking quite a bit about an older woman from his workplace. Started coming home later from work. Didn't come home one night at all.
December of 1999- I got him to admit he was having an affair with this older woman. It took me about a month or so but I called her husband and let him know she was having an affair with my husband. I immediately let my husband's mom know as she and I are very close. He swore he would stop seeing her. Of course he kept right on seeing her.
End of January 2000- Since husband wouldn't stop seeing her I asked him to quit his job and move out of state to stay with his brother and his family. The boys and I stayed here with the plans of moving when they were finished with the current year of school.
February 14, 2000- My husband couldn't live without the ow so he up and left his brother's with all his things and moved in with the ow who at this time had left her husband. He went back to working with her as well. I had no contact with my husband for a few weeks after he moved in with her... only an e-mail that was just something related to finances he needed to know about.
Beginning of March 2000- After that e-mail WH started e-mailing me and wanted to know why I never told him anything that was going on at home with me and our two boys. I replied and said I didn't think he cared. He started calling me and then started coming to visit every free moment he had. I did plan a of course as I had been visiting this site at the time for support. By the end of March he made it very clear he wanted to come back home.
April 7, 2000- He quit his job where he worked with her and moved back home and we started working on "recovery". Things went ok at first.
June 2000- He did have no contact with her but then she sent him a letter. He let me read the letter and of course she was so upset he left her. That really got to him.
July 2000- We were planning on moving back to our home state but then he got a new job working for the cable company. Of course it included travelling. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Definitely not a good job for a guy just coming out of an affair but unfortunately we were desperate for income as he had taken a month off work. I know now that they were secretly in touch via e-mail at this time and I am sure they spent time together.
Fastforward to March of 2001- WH got a new job with a laundry service where he only had to do one overnight a week. This was a huge improvement over the last job. He had to be trained by someone for a month and then lo and behold on his first overnight alone the ow's current boyfriend actually called our home looking for my WH. I said he wasn't home and he said... "Funny, OW isn't home either and we can't find her anywhere!" I then called my husband at his hotel and he denied she was there. Her boyfriend and daughter were on their way to the hotel which was a 3 hour drive to see if they could catch them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> They did find her enroute back to their home from the direction of where my husband was staying.
I did discover then at this time that they had been in contact with each other and my WH gave over his password to his e-mail account. I made him go into his e-mail with me standing there and lo and behold there was an e-mail from her. She was replying to one he had sent her about their night at the hotel. So they were busted.
He promised me he wouldn't see her again and I was allowed to access his e-mail at any time. They kept in touch for quite a long time. This was very upsetting to me as it wasn't allowing me to heal and we weren't recovering. I was just suffering.
October-2001 While my husband was on his overnight he got an e-mail from the other woman that I read and she wondered if he still did overnights on Tuesdays. I freaked and replied to it as him and said no more overnights. Then I called him and told him about it and how upset I was. I told him that he had to completely end things with her or I was going to divorce him because I was tired of feeling tortured by their continued contact. That seemed to really light a fire under his [censored] because that week he wrote her a no contact letter and allowed me to read it and send it off to her. After that our relationship improved immensely.
We started our own aerial photography business and spent a lot of time together working on it. Things were fantastic and I loved him so much and felt loved by him in return.
July 2006- I noticed my husband starting to withdraw from us again and becoming depressed. His job requires a lot out of him during the summer months. He still wanted to spend lots of time with me and asked me to come along with him for work related things.. .like getting his truck ready to go. I just was having a hard time reaching him though. The crazy thing he did though was trade in his beloved sports car for the car I have always wanted. He was so happy to do this for me and I felt very loved by him still.
September 15, 2006- WH went shopping at Target in the next town over and ran into the ow. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
September 17, 2006- Our house is struck by lightning and starts on fire in the attic. Not much fire damage but lots of water damage to the room where he keeps all his photography equipment and our bedroom.
He ended up losing his office and we lost our bedroom and had to sleep in the living room. He couldn't handle it as he wasn't getting any sleep.
September 24, 2006- We celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary. We went out to eat and barely said anything to each other. Things were clearly not right.
September 25 to October 6, 2006- WH starts acting really bizzarre and when I started questioning him he did the typical WH things. Wondered if I had some sort of Jedi Force thing going on because I could sense a disturbance in the force.
On the 4th of October he admitted to me that while he worked for the cable company he had two more affairs. They didn't mean anything but he thought about "THE OW" everyday and missed her... of course I didn't know he had run into her again. He also purchased a cell phone which was something he said he would never own.
On the 5th of October he told me he needed to talk to me about something but he knew I had to go to work at 5pm that night so he figured he should wait until the next day. I knew that was a really bad sign.
The next day came and he avoided me all day. I finally had to go find him in the garage and make him talk to me. He finally admitted that he ran into her and that all his old feelings for her came back and that he just couldn't live without her. He said he didn't know what to do. I told him I couldn't make those decisions for him. He was mad at me for throwing it back at him to decide. I told him he had to do what he had to do. He asked me if he could just see her one day a week. I said that wasn't fair to me and that no way in ****** would that happen. So, he decided he was leaving and going to move in with her. That night he went and spent it with her. He left me to explain to our 14 and almost 16 year old son that he was leaving us. They were devastated.
October 7, 2006- He came with a trailer and loaded up his things and officially moved back in with her. He did this while his kids were home and while they had friends over. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
Currently he still comes to visit me every Monday, Thursday and Friday. He knows those are the days I am home. I know he can't stay faithful to the OW as we have had some indiscretions of our own. I know that is so wrong. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
At first I was devastated that he left. Then I thought about it and let him know that if that was what made him happy then more power to him. I also had information for him about divorce and how I would like to handle it. He told me he wasn't ready for that. This was the day he officially moved out. It has now been almost 4 months since he has left and he still hasn't brought up the D word and I sure don't either.
He is fully supporting us... he still has his paychecks directly deposited into our joint checking account and then I transfer it over to my personal account. I give him maybe $150 a month. We can't spare that much.
Now I am not so sure I want to end this. I know I must be messed up to even think I want to have another chance with him. I know we didn't do our last attempt at recovery right at all. I know this is all vague but it's such a long messed up story. I used to post here as woozy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Lost the password for that account.
Anyway, I feel like he must still care if he still comes over when he knows I am here. Yesterday I was working but stopped by the house quick to put some salt on my sidewalks and he was inside. I hurried to get them salted and then was going back to my car to leave so I wouldn't have to see him... he came outside and asked me what I was doing and said he thought I would come inside to say hi.... I told him I thought I had bothered him enough already for the day as we had a long series of text messages already... started by him. He looked kind of sad that I wasn't going to come in and say hi to him.
When he was over on Monday to go over finances he talked about things he wanted to do with our business. Then he was going to leave and already on the porch and I brought something up to him and he came back in the house to talk some more.
I am so completely and utterly confused by him.
I have been following Lil Sis's thread very closely and feel her pain so well. She is doing awesome though by the way! I think I could just use some great support and encouragement or a kick in the pants. I don't know which. Anyway... feel free to ask questions...
As for the OW.. she is 10 years older than me. Has two grown children and four grandkids. She has been married twice... broken up two marriages and has cheated on both her spouses and not to mention her boyfriends. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I don't know what my WH sees in her. I work with a lady who says she knows her and she has nothing good to say about her. She says she's a nasty, skanky "ho". She is tall and super skinny but not attractive. I've seen her... although WH doesn't know I've seen her. My manager has seen her and anyone that has seen her says she's not attractive. One of the guys that used to work with my WH and the OW asked my WH what he was thinking after he met me... he said,"What were you thinking? Your wife is CUTE!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> God help me. I don't know what to do.
Sorry this turned into a long post. I tried to make it brief.
