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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 4
J
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J
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 4
Hello.
My name is John, and I did not know if I should write and seek advice for mine and my wife's story or not. i don't want to go to my family just yet though. I want advice that is fresh my strangers.
Me and my wife grew both grew up in christian family's, but find ourselves married teenagers now at almost 16 and 14.
We admittedly got pregnant a lil over one year ago at 14 and 13 when we were dating, and my girlfriend gave birth on her 14'th birthday to a baby girl. Our parents had us get married at that time. We now have a small baby girl. My new wife is 4 months pregnant again, and 7 months away from her 15'th birthday. She got pregnant again shotly after we were married. She is such small petite girl that she does not even lool pregnant, but they won't last, and we are so scared to tell our parents.
We had to make major changes in our lifes. We both quit school and are homeschooling now. My wife had to quit the things she loves like cheerleading, basketball and volleyball in school, and I had to quit soccer and track. We'll never have a normal highschool experience now.
We live as a family right now in her parents apartment abover their garage rent free, until we are older. This is so we can save money, and my wife can still be close and learn from her mom.
I work for my father in law's concrete company, trying to take care of my little family while she is a stay at home mom.
we have made such big mistakes, but am hoping for good in the future.

Joined: Jan 2000
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K
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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 14,283
What a story! I am so sorry that you are in a tough position.

I do hope you make plans to avoid having more children unless/until you are in a position to care for them on your own. Living with your in-laws is probably tough at times, but at least you do have support from her family.

I will say that one of my friends parents marriage started when the girl was 13, and it has lasted and remained loving. I hope that your marriage will turn out well also...

Joined: Feb 2007
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J
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J
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 4
We never thought to use protection after we were married when my wife's turn 14, because we already just had a small baby, but than not lon after she was developing morning sickness again and she was pregnant again.
After this baby is born, we plan on using birth control.
It's just that right now, we don't know quite how to tell our families that another one is on the way again already. She doesn't even have any of her small maternity dresses left from our first one that was just one only a few months back. she gave them away, thinking she wouldn't need them anymore.

we do love each other very much, and are committed to making it together even though we are young.

Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 28
M
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Posts: 28
It sounds like you are still feeling the transition from youth to adult, or you would not be worried what your parents will say. Here's the thing: you are now the head of your very own household, and it sounds like you are doing a good job of supporting your wife and child in the best way you can. You are now a man, with man-sized responsibilities. Even though you have parental support, this does not keep you in the youth role - every adult gets help when needed, regardless of our ages.

You need to stand strong and realize that having children is a natural product of marriage. You did the right thing in marrying your wife and taking care of her and your child. You have NO explaining to do about getting pregnant again! For goodness sake, you have the right to have sex with your own spouse, and if you and she want this baby, then you have no need to explain it or justify it to anyone!

I think that having your children close together is actually not a bad move at all. It means that your wife will not be stuck for years on end with small children. If she wants to work later, then she will be free that much sooner. If you two are managing emotionally, then why NOT have two in a row? Millions of other parents do, and millions did not "plan" their children any more than you did. You are just like everyone else, now, and your youth would only matter if you were unprepared emotionally and couldn't manage to step up to the plate to take care of your family - which it sounds like you are doing quite well.

Sure, you might want to use birth control after this pregnancy. Three pregnancies in a row is hard on any woman. However, make sure that the choice is made by you and your wife, NOT by outside pressure from anyone, including parents...and even including people on this site!

You and your wife are meeting your adult responsibilities as well as most people. I see no problem with living with parents for a little while, to save money, but I would urge you to get out on your own as soon as you can. It will help make it more clear that you are no longer youth who need to be parented as you used to be, but are now adults who simply need support as any other adult might from time to time.

You are both very young, but I'm proud of you both for stepping up to take on your responsibilities. I wish you all the best. Enjoy your children! They grow up SO FAST! Take lots of photos!

Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 4
J
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J
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 4
Well, we actually got married 2 months before my wife's 14'th birthday. Our parents wanted us to be together before the baby was born.
They knew marrying us early nad having us live up to our new responsibilites would also mean that we would be having sex together. We made love the entire night on our edding night together, but they atleast though that we'd be using protection after the baby was born, which we didn't.
they won't be mad since we are married now, just dissapointed, which I don't want to disspoint them.
I am worried about her though because of how small she is. She is a small petite girl who only weighs 100 pouns, and I am wondering if having two babies literally right after one another will harm her body.(I am twice her size)
I know we have every right to have sex together now, but whish we would have been smarter.
We can't move out of the garage apartment, because we are both still minors, and no renter will rent to a minor. Also her did said right now if we did go out on our own, we'd have the school and social services poking their noses in, which we don't want.
We are actually planning to stay with her parents the next 5 years.
She misses the sports like cheerleading, and volleyball she was in and her friends, and so do I, but we are a family now, and have responsibilites.

Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 4
J
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J
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 4
Just to clarify, my wife and I literally grew up together since we were babies living next door to one another. We played together all the time as kids, and our mom's and dad's were the best of friends.
I know many people in this situation say that they would probaly feel more like sister and brother than boyfriend and girlfriend, but her and I have always had a different and special bond, and by the time she turned 12 years, we really began to look at each other differently when we began junior high.
we started dating, but it was really no more than puppy love than. I mean we went to movies together, cuddled together, took walks, kisses each other, huing out with friends, passed notes, but that was it.
Than friends srated pressuring us telling us that we had to have sex. We finally gave in by the time my wife was 12 and a half, and I was still 13.
We both loved being with one another that way, and had no problems for the longest time, until a couple months after her 13'th birthday when she started having morning sickness.
than her mother was like, Jenna what have you and John been doing?
We confessed, and they were quite angry with us. In the end though after things simmered down, both parents agreed to marry us, because they knew essentially we would be tog anyways someday, and they wanted us to live up to our responsibilies now to each other and our child. So, we married right before her 2 months before her 14'th birthday and the baby born. Now, here we are only a lil over a half a year gone into married, and another babygirl on the way.
I will be outnumbered 3 girls to me.


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