Post deleted by TifferNY

The first part here is great, the second part...where you go play cards with your neighbors...no so great. I'm ASSUMING, here, that you went alone and left WH home alone? if not, please disregard the following! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Part of Plan A is a LOT of re-thinking how you do things. While going off to play cards with friends might be a totally normal thing for you to do, you really need to change things up...with yourself. Instead of meeting your own need to recreation, companionship, etc., take a VERY CLOSE look at what HIS needs are...and USE THIS TIME to meet some of those needs.

When I first came here and was trying to start Plan A, everyone was telling me to STRETCH. Go outside your comfort zone. Do things differently. Get your WH to notice you. Meet HIS needs, putting them over my own.

I know it stinks at first feeling like you are indulging this man who hurt you SO badly...but that's what Plan A is...and the VERY HARDEST PART is at the beginning, when you are trying to figure it out. When you are resistant.

But once you get going, once you start opening up, you begin to realize new things about yourself...you GROW. VERY, VERY COOL.

Have you read the stuff on ENs? Do you know what his ENs are? That's a good place to start.

You are doing well...it's great that you've been so receptive to what people are telling you here. Keep doing this, and I guarantee that you will begin to feel your balance again.

Is there anything the two of you could do while H is on Vac? Even a short trip, overnight or two in nearby hotel? Anything to spend qlt time with him and help you two bond?

If you can't get away, can you take a day or two off to do things with him? A day window shopping, lunch, drive thru a few new car lots and dream (H, we would look good in that new car), movie and then dinner before heading home?

Oh, it was good that you saw your LB statement. Next time you can catch yourself before it comes out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Does she call him on your land line? Does she email him on a yahoo or hotmail account? I would call up the phone company and see if they can block a certain number. If not change his/your number. Block her email address on his email account. You can enforce your boundaries without LBing.

Post deleted by TifferNY

What would his work think about him using his work phone and computer to carry on an affair. I know most companies have a policy restricting personal use of company property. You might just want to give them a heads up. That is the stick of plan A.

Cut off all access to the OW.

Post deleted by TifferNY

Post deleted by TifferNY

TNY:

I will start with this:



Are these your Emotional Needs or his?

The house can be trashed, YOU can be in sweats, and he just wants a beer and talk about the football game.

Don't you see? You meet his needs, whatever they are.

And having sex? If you feel betrayed, back off on this for a while. You do not want to feel used. But, if it is one of his EN's, you need to work through this. Please review the info on the website and in SAA. Get it back from your G/F Let her buy her own copy.

And after your evening, you ask the next morning:



You SHOULD have asked:

While I was playing cards last night, I thought of you being here alone, and I wanted to ask, "What would you have liked to do?"

Because he is going to agree anyway to the first question. BUT you make him give you an answer with the second. And involve him. BIG Difference.