As most people on here I am looking for the magic answers to make all of the events that have happened disappear, but I know they won't. Guess it is just easiest to tell what happened.

Background info:

Married almost 3 years, have 1 son (6 months old), second marriage for me, first for her.

Work in Afghanistan as a firefighter, one year contract was decided upon by both of us, Early contract termination fees are $30k.

OP is her high school sweet heart that completely ruined their relationship long ago by calling her mom with MS a crippled bag of bones.

The Story:

About 3 weeks ago I was home from my contracting job in Afghanistan. My wife was acting weird and didn't even act the least bit happy that I was home. After some long talks and a little detective work I found out about her affair. I thought I had gotten the whole truth and she denied sleeping with the OP. I immediately went into the super loving husband mode and tried to prove I was the right choice for her to make. She agreed to never see the OP again and for a day or two things started to get back on track. Then another hunch led me to the e-mail traffic. Not only had she not told him that she was going to stop seeing him, she was planning what to do the day I had to leave to come back to Afghanistan. I confronted her again, only this time I had talked to the OP and knew everything that had been happening for almost 2 years now (long before I left for this stupid job)

Feeling betrayed not once but twice now, I tried to figure out how to not lose our house without having to go back to my job. I had to come to the grim realization that if I stayed home, we would lose everything we had worked for. I was prepared to lose it all, but we agreed to work on things for the last 45 days of my contract and then really work on it when I got home. I then found this web site to try to understand what was happening and how to fix things. I am lost as to what to do from here. I am trying to not smother her, but I know with me being gone, her loneliness will lead her back to him. She says she is confused about how she feels and that she knows that her and I will never have what they have. Is this just a stage as according to the books or am I going to be battling this affair for a long time? I cannot move away from the temptation due to us taking care of her mom next door, but I know that it is innevitable that they will cross paths.

I am lost but hopeful that we can not only fix the broken marriage, but make it stronger. My biggest problem is how do you eliminate the OP when there is no way for you to move away. She refuses to let go of all of her mutual friends and says she fights the urge everyday to call him. I know this is going to be a long and difficult road, but I am a hard working loving husband and father that just needs a little support.

what did OP say when confronted? why not just Tell him to leave your wife alone Or Else? how much longer do you hae to be away and when do you come back for good?

Let's sum this up: you've been M'd for 3 years, for 2 of which she was involved in an A. With someone who's likely going to remain "in the picture" for a long while.

I'll suggest that you may likely have to start making some tough decisions after seriously consider if you want to remain in this M, as its future as I see it is not good at all.

TifferNY and ManInMotion.....

I talked to the OP several times since I found out about the A, In fact he was more honest with me than she was at first. He said that he never got closure on his relationship with her that ended 5 years ago, and that he still loved her. He told me that if she could look him in the eyes and say goodbye that he would never contact us or her again. She did that this past week and last I read on his myspace account he was heartbroken and trying to pick up his broken relationship with his ex-girlfriend. He lied to me the first time I called him, but after a heart-to-heart (which was probably the most painful part) he realized that I am a good husband and that he took advantage of her loneliness. I am still in shock from everything that has happened, but once she gets over her addiction to him, I think that we will have a fighting chance.

As far as telling him to leave her alone or else....I have spent my lifetime controlling my temper, I have tried to never use violent behavior or threats. I actually believe that he will leave us alone, only because he realized that I could give her a better life with the happiness she deserves. She has become dependent on me whether she wanted to or not and with me being gone, she turned to the wrong person for support. She feels ashamed and guilty for everything that has happened and for the first time in our marriage has apologized for her actions. As always, I am going to be hopeful and in 45 days I can go home and really try to fix things.

Let me see if a understud tis correctley

Married for three years,and she has been cheating for two of those three years,is that correct???

If so,why do you even wanna be married to her?

ok to clarify, she was with him once two years ago and just recently it re-kindled. I know that I wasn't meeting any of her needs about the time she strayed the first time. I had lost my career and was unable to find a job so I was depressed. I pushed her towards the A the first time, but after I came to my senses she immediately came back to me. (without me even knowing about the A) I think it is the same situation now. She has become so dependent on me that when I am not around she is lost and lonely. You asked me wh I would even want to be married?? The reason is because I know that no one is perfect, but when I am around her and she is around me life seems a little more perfect. She and I fit together and fill each other's voids. I now know her weakness towards the OP and can fill the void he was filling. Call me old fashioned but I believe that a marriage is worth saving as long as both people involved want to save it. My first DD came because she no longer wanted to try. At that time it was beyond repair. This time, she wants to fix things and I do as well.