So my hubby and I have been married for 1 year and nine months. We have done more damage to eachother in that time than I car to reflect on. Shameful, terrible things. Nothing physical except for one incident where I hit him. However, when we have our stuff together our marriage is beautiful and productive. Our problem is the fighting, name calling, kicking out, ect....we have been seperated since March 2006 off and on and really want to make an honest go of rebuilding our marriage. Take it one day at a time, garbage in-garbage out and embrace true forgiveness. My fear is this, my family hates him for what he's done, his family hates me for what I've done, my friend's all hate him except for one and she is married to Hubby's best friend. She has always been a support and cheerleader, her husband tells mine to run. I have been warned previously that should I try to reconscile with my husband that I will be disowned and one friend in particular stated that she would not speak to me. So, I am taking a huge risk here by wanting to work this out with my husband. I don't think that my family would actually disown me but I do think it would be awhile before they would call and I know that my H would not be welcome at family functions. Advise?

Hi there,
I think sometimes we forget that we can make our own decisions and rely on somebody else to do it.
I think that if you feel it in you gut you should go for it, but if you think is going to lead to the same, just move on.
I am going through the same thing and I figured life is to short to worry about these things. We humans can adapt to anything except death.
C jcarloscruz@msn.com

MF,

How many times do you want to be married?

I'm not jeering or judging...I really want to know.

LA

Hi Maeflower,
I am in the same boat with you... i am contemplating divorce.. my marriage has only lasted 7 months so far... we didn't know each other long enough to begin with.. my family has disowned him because of his destructive behavior... and i have to be torn between the two... although, my heart always remains with my family... they are the most important... we are in the process of trying to rebuilt our relationship.. he is in counseling due to his violent and destructive behaviors... he is trying to fix them, yet i dont' know how many times i can keep forgiving... i have put a so-called DEADLINE on our relationship.. if things are not better in the next 3 months, i'm calling it quits... i cannot continue to be controlled... happiness is they key here.. if he makes you happy and it can be fixed, then fix it.. if it can't, salvage the happiness you have inside and begin a new...

A spouse is the most imporant person in one's life. Who cares what friends or family think.

since 2/26 i have filed for PFA and am ready to move toward divorce proceedings... my family will totally disown me if i do not go through with this... my family is more important to me than some guy.... i will move on and i will be happy again... so, it's not always the spouse who is more important... i guess it depends on the strength of each of the relationships. We should be happy and live with those we LOVE and that's all... even if it's NOT our husbands....

Honestly, if he will treat you right and you treat him right eventually everyone will come around. My ex was physically and verbally abusive to me. My parents hated him, but they knew I loved him (or so I thought, i have found love is what I feel for my now husband, what I felt before was nothing compared) threfore they knew they loved me and eventually allowded him around. The consoled me when he left, but jumped for joy inside. Our parents just want what is best for us. If they see day after day the intense joy this man brings to your life they will start to like him just for the fact he makes you so happy. If it is a bad relationship and he is abusive I would suggest to take your families reasons for dislike into consideration. Noone should endure abuse no matter how much they love the person. An abuser does not love the person he cares for, he loves the control and is not worthy of your admiration.

Maeflower,
Just wondering how things were going for you.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />