Hello folks! Auto here!

I have a question for the women in the group. \

I have tallied up my restaurant expenses these past 6 weeks. What I have found is that I have spent a HUGE amount of money (for me at least) eating out. I figure that had I replaced 80% of those meals with a cooked meal at home, I would have saved enough to pay for me and my date to spend a weekend (2 nights and two days) at a local resort area.

Is eating out really that important to women? They sure seem to like it! But, I tally up the costs and see what else we could have done, and start thinking "Would I rather eat out X times this month or would I rather have a weekend in ResortVille next month?"

What do you ladies think of that? Does it come across as cheap?

Keep in mind these are only MY expenses. A few times the lady has contributed to the meal also. Add in here expenses and we now have a luxury room for that weekend.

i think when you are having a first or second date, eating out just seems to be the thing to do. i like dining out, i like going to the movies, meeting up with friends out some where. BUT, i would not want to eat out all the time. i just got back from spending 5 days with gekko (very nice time i will add, as always) and we didn't go out to eat at all! i like to cook so we looked in my cookbook, picked out some ideas, got the stuff for them, then cooked together. much more enjoyable time to me than just going to a restaurant. we did go out to see a movie and did a few other things, but really, we are both very conscious about keeping costs down. neither one of us are wealthy right now! and i am fine with that.

i am with you, i'd rather have a nice weekend away with that money rather than eating out all the time.

mlhb

I think it would actually be a big turn on to have a guy cook for me, or even spend time talking to me in the kitchen while I cooked.

However on the first few dates, a restaurant is ideal. You have enough privacy to talk but it's public enough to feel safe.

I love to eat out but only here and there,not all the time.To me it's like a special treat but I usually go to the places I know I like and have good meals.Many times I have tried new restaurants only to be quite disappointed.I do like to try new places though.It's a toss up.

I'm a homebody so I would love cooking my own meals with a BF and listening to some jazz and talking.That would be very romantic in my book.

I don't think it would be cheap not to go out all the time.

Hey, I have a second so here is MHO.

For the first date or two, eating out is nice. Okay...to be completely honest, I prefer a coffee date where we both pay for the first date, a lunch date where we both pay for the second date, and THEN maybe eating out. Frankly, after that, I would find it an enormous deposit in the old lovebank if Romeo were to take me out to the market to buy fresh ingredients and then cook a STUNNING meal...while I lit candles, set the table, and arranged some flowers.

Yeah--eating at home and having the guy cook is GOOD!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

i totally love cooking together!! i would choose that over going out to eat any time.

mlhb

I would think eating out is a treat, especially if your lady friends tend to frequently cook at home. Sometimes we enjoy having someone else cook...

Here's my concern--aren't you the same person who whipped out a discount coupon when you went out for dinner and your lady friend got angry? Maybe she suspected that you were just a BIT too worried about the cost of the meal. Personally, I see eating out as a nice gesture and I always work it into my budget....I can understand saving for a weekend away, but using the idea of saving for something BETTER as an excuse not to dine out is a bit cheap...

If you have the MEANS to dine out, then you should. If you're in a long term relationship, then I feel that this is something you should discuss with your mate. If you're casually dating, then I'm sure you'll be viewed as a cheapskate...And you HAVE already, as you posted the following not too long ago:

Quote

Here is the latest in the dating scene. I was dating a lady for a while. Took her out a few times and paid. The last time we met after work for a casual dinner. I had a discount coupon for the restaurant and used it to cover the price of one of the Entrees. A few days later she told me she was very insulted that I would use such a coupon on a date. It implied she was not worth the full value of the meal. She said I should save it for when I went out with my buddies.

I think I dodged a bullet. A very expensive silver, or gold, or platinum bullet.

Dating is expensive, no doubt. If you feel that you're spending too much money on dinner, then why not make dinner for your dates, instead of taking them out for a meal?

Jim loves cooking for me. All he asks for me to do it to sit in the kitchen and keep him company. I always do the dishes though as my way of contributing. He's never asked me to do them; I just do it. We spend alot of time looking at recipes and finding something new to try. We've gone out to eat a handful of times but we find we like just staying in and enjoying each others company.

Not a woman but I'll throw in my two cents.

When I saw the title of the thread I thought...well..something else! So I had to look. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Anyway...yes, women generally love it when you cook for them. That's one of the ways I got my W! I'd wait until at least the third date to invite a lady to your place for dinner...build up a level of trust and comfort level.

Cooking is easy and doesn't have to be fancy or expensive.

shame on you bit bucket.. lol
and what DID you think the title meant huh....???

if it meant what i think you thought it meant, than in that instance, yes, it is necessary! haha

mlhb

May I tell you something? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

To help solving some of these kinds of issues, you have to clarify a few things with yourself.

You might question/confirm/accept a few things (to yourself, and you are welcome if you want to comment them here too as well <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />):

- I do not want to date a woman who prefers going out too often (i.e. more than I can afford), and I am OK if THAT ONE dumps me
- I am OK to spend (only) $10/20/x per week/month for dinning out, with NO regret and NO calculating what I could have done with that money if I didn't eat out (with 'her')
- I am OK to tell her – see, I prefer staying in, or, see, I don't like spending money in restaurants, or, see I earn so much money and once/twice/x times per week/month I'm OK to go out but not more often (you don't need a woman thinking that you earn more than you do, because later on that can be a big disappointment for her and her (prior) expectations, etc.)
- If you cannot tell her that, then invite her to your home and make a simple meal. (You can say you prefer healthy home made food <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)
- You might also invite her first time in a nice restaurant than wait that she invites you to eat together – wouldn't be bad to see if she is a 'giver' as she is a 'taker'… (and with this one we come back to the first item on this 'list'...)

KWIM?

YES. In the beginning especially.

Later, you can cook for her. THe real underlying purpose of feeding the female is to demonstrate you are a good hunter and provider. I don't think that has changed a bit. Women often feel "cared for" when they are fed.

Seems like you need to find a woman whose idea of being fed or cared for means you and she take turns cooking so that you can go get pampered together for a weekend.

I think its in the progression.

At first that is what is appropriate. It would be "weird" to be invited to a man's home too quickly or early in the relationship. It gives us girls Red Flags.

But later on after you have developed the relationship, and you both agree to your plan -- its great!

Is dining in a restaurant necessary? No, I think not. My H and I met when we were poor college students. We never ate in restaurants, unless we were out and about during a mealtime or a special occassion. As adults with jobs, if we were out, and the hours of 5,6, & 7 passed with no signs of eating (and no other reason than saving a few $), I'd think: this person cannot financially meet my needs.

Dining out is a relatively easily enjoyable recreational activity for both parties. If you do not plan on eating out when you date, how do you plan to do to build sustainable quality time instead?

In my humble opinion, dates at home are fun at first. But it can be mundane in a long-term relationship. Distractions of TV / phone / etc ruin the ambiance.

You really don't give any indication of how long you've been seeing this woman.

To me it is "safer" in the beginning to go out - literally - when on a date and not to his home. There is even the perception that when you go into a guy's home that you are ready to be more intimate in many more ways than to just be alone with him.

Then there is the FACT that most women instinctively look for or are culturally conditioned to look for a provider. They want a successful man. They want a show of wealth. There is a legitimate EN for most women to have FS.

How would you go about making a woman feel CHERISHED. Because that is what they want. They want to feel special, loved, and cherished. If you don't have the cash to spend money, then why not be creative about dates that don't cost a lot of money.

And I agree with the other poster - if you are dating women that NEED you to take them out to dinner and you are not ok with that, then it is time to date someone else.

Find someone who would rather be called on for a weekend special and likes to hang out at your place watching Monday night football the rest of the month.

Oh, and let me add that I agree with another poster. When you make dates for hanging out at home usually the TV or some other distraction pops up. I got up and left a couple of times to break my Fiance of the idea that he could just take a nap on our date night. Which is what happened when he had me over - he would turn on the TV and fall asleep. I ended up insisting that we do something on date night and not hang out at his house.

V.

I will no longer eat out more than twice a month.

That should be enough.

Sounds reasonable.

I hope you have some good cookbooks <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />