Hello All,

Well, back home again after a two week vacation home to California. My wife picked me up from the airport and spent the rest of the night and following day with me, and was quite affectionate.

We didn't end up talking about the M or R, but we held each other, kissed, even showered together.

We spent the day watching movies curled up, she wasn't down for going outside and doing some active things, and it went well. We did go out to the store for a brief bit, and joked about what a doof OM is.

She was still sick, and asked me to spend the night with her at her place, so I ended up seeing her place for the first time.
I took care of her for the evening, and she dropped me off at home in the morning.

It's great to have my wife back in the marital bed! Even for only two nights!

Congratulations! Fantastic news.

Good news Jay!!! Wow really good news to hear. I don't know what else to say at this time...speechless

I don't want to take credit for anything, but...............where would you be without us?!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Seriously though, you did all the work, we were just here to help support you along the way. I know that you know this is just a hill and there will be many more valleys to come. I'm really glad that there is a flicker of hope in your situation now.

Sh,

If you are reading this, I want to commend you on taking some of the first steps. This isn't going to be easy, but I know Jay loves you and WILL make this work. There will be long and difficult days ahead, but it will all be worth it in the end. I know I still have my rough days. I still haven't had SF with my WW in 7 months, but we are getting along better than we have in years, and I love her with all my heart. I'm praying that you guys make it. Just try and avoid OM like the plague (sorry, I had to throw that in there). Good luck!

wow.
umm.. so, i'm lost now. tried to catch up, but not much in the way of jayban's posts around.
Congratulations on what looks like heading in a better direction..
Jayban, would you possibly write up a short summary of what happened, to turn things in a better direction?

Do, or do not. There is no try. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Aye, Neak! DO or DO NOT.

All choices have consequences in this life.

Techie:
"My Story of Separation" is my full post, but all of my posts have been deleted since my wife found the forum. It's not because of what I said, it was something I did for her comfort. I'm damn proud of the fight I put up for my marriage, and I continue to fight for the thing I believe in the most: My family.

What did I do to bring about such a wonderful day? Plan A. Love and caring, no LBs, genuine sincerity and absolutely no regrets for doing whatever it took to get her in my bed, even if it's the last time. I told her she was worth it. I meant it.

I started doing what only time will allow us to do: The things we would do if we weren't afraid anymore. More on that some other time.

i shall await eagerly, the tale of "what it took" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Great news!

Wow, this is great, great news!!

Praying for you and your marriage.

May this new awakening be sustained and may you reap the rewards of your efforts. Welcome back, and thank you for the great update.

SD

Great news - even making this ret-hockey player weak. Made my day.



You are so right - this is the most important fight you can make. After all - all we have is our family.

My 25 y OS said that to my wife when she was ready to go with a new man - really burned the fog.

This just goes to show you that ADULTERERs ALWAYS 100% of the time "Affair Down".... the OM obviously doesn't have what it really takes... that's why she keeps coming home to where she knows she can get the real loving... The OM needs to just F-off and go find a stuffed duck (ala "Click")

LOL

Threadjack...

Heartsore22, can you update....?

PGA

PGA,
YOu'll need to bump my thread and ask there... I'm against TJs

Last night I entered Plan B after closing the joint accounts with my wife. It was an easy decision to come to, as I have elected to remove myself from the chaos and poisonous atmosphere. I feel strongly that another day may have resulted in hate, and I've become increasingly frustrated with the whole situation. It has began to affect my daughter, and that was really the final straw for me.

I hold the same position today as I have throughout: I love my wife dearly and do not desire a divorce. However, she may either have another person in her life, or me.

I'll update now and then - I intend to remain VERY DARK in this.

God Bless,

Jay

Jayban,

What happened? I thought things were looking a little better based on the last few posts on this thread.

I look forward to hearing from you in a few months about how successful your plan B was. I don't worry that you will stay dark. Take care of yourself in the meantime.

Well, week one is today for my Plan B.

I've talked with quite a few people, both inside and outside of MB, and I've concluded a number of things about Plan B.

I think the thing that is not emphasized enough is that Plan B is for YOU, not your WS. I can attest to that, I felt a 100% better after the first few days of Plan B. Mind you, I endured four months of asinine fogtalk before I entered Plan B, so I was quite numbed. It didn't take long before I TRULY began evaluating myself, my issues, what I want from a marriage, what I want from myself, and how to make myself happy UNTIL I entered Plan B. Oh, I thought I had that all figured out before.

Now I KNOW.

More reflections? I think it's a dangerous time for both spouses - the Wayward will RUN (not walk) into the OP's arms during this time, and the BS will most likely enter into an indignant phase. It's very true that the tables are turned - you don't have to care anymore. You are moving on with your life. You begin to move forward and pity the one who moves backwards. I look upon the selfish actions of my WS as pitiable, it is truly sad to see people we loved so dearly destroy everything around them. And their only response? Rationalize, justify, point to the marriage, never take accountability for their own self-destructive choice.

Adultery is adultery is adultery. It CANNOT be rationalized, justified or excused away. It impacts friends, family and even the future relationships of your own children. True realization of the facts in your Plan B becomes so much clearer during the time you are in the dark.

Even more reflections? You must BECOME TRULY DARK. It's easy to do with the right mindset. H*ll, look at your WS for inspiration. I did. What did my WW do throughout Plan A? I KNEW she still loved me, yet she kept guarded. She could say she loved me, she KEPT herself from doing so. I could care about what she's doing, make excuses to see or talk to her, I KEEP myself from doing so.

Why? Because a WS is inherently flawed, they are not the strong person you USED to know. They are a weak being, despite the irony of claims that they are "Stronger" now. Strong people resist the urge to betray those they love. Strong people protect the things they value. Strong people fight for their families, and do the right thing even when no else is looking. I am the strong one, not my WS.

Plan B is about moving on in your life as though your WS does not exist. It is indeed a way out of the mess, of removing yourself from the chaos and poison. You become much healthier quite quickly as a result. I would highly recommend that anyone who has a "low tank" of love consider Plan B. It will help you maintain what feelings you have by not exposing you to the ABUSIVE behaviour.

As a result, you WILL regain your self-respect by not allowing anyone to hold power over you. You will retain your dignity by conflict avoidance. You will begin to value yourself again.

I WILL have my dignity.If I have both my W back and my dignity, great. If not, I WILL have my dignity no matter what. I will make it through this. I have no doubts.

I am NOT afraid of...anything. One step out in the real world with Plan B eyes and you WILL know that Love is RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER should you choose it. It no longer is a matter of winning your WS back. It becomes an issue of what you will accept, what you will settle for, how much you value yourself, and IF...you will take them back. It is very empowering. You don't hold power over the WS...You hold it over yourself. Get it back, it's yours.

You may look back at the times you followed your spouse around the house, you were clingy, needy, and in despair...then you will CRINGE at the memory. I always do now. It fuels me today.

Strength and Confidence wins the war. The only winner is YOU. No matter what.

Keep your chins up,

Jay

Can we start a pool as to when she agrees to your PBL conditions? Put me down for May 13th. I'm guessing she'll have 4 weeks of indignation, 4 weeks of reflection, and one week to get up the nerve to agree to come back. I seriously doubt it will take more than 3 months given her reaction when you returned from California and your daughter's response. Stay strong my man.

As for me, my WW has pretty much committed herself to staying with me, but she's still reluctant to buy into MB or meet my needs. I think she is perfectly content in taker mode right now, so I need to figure out how to awaken her giver. It has been over 7 months now since any SF, but there was some open mouth kissing (still no tongue) this weekend. I can't look at a woman without thinking of SF right now (even the not-so-great looking ones). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />