I can't stand WH. He makes me ill, truly. I can't wait for an appt with SH. I've got the PBL ready...I'll post it here in a moment.

There is NO WAY I can even make it until he leaves town. I can't smile and be nice to that creature. I have to do this NOW.

Please tell me I have your support.

I know this is my gut talking, but it is also my head. I am worried about myself if I have to do this any more. I NEED to save myself. Please, even if you disagree with timing or whatever, just let me know that you will be here for me after I do this.

Be back in a few with the PBL.

morning!

you have my support. and my prayers.
and i don't think i disagree w/ your timing......you sound like you have had enough.
did he do something new?

Yes..time for PLAN B..if you are losing your love for your H..it's meant to safeguard remnants of the love that you have left for him..as Mortarman instructed me...

Just passed his truck at the coffee shop...the last straw.

It is just SOOO class-less, you know? It just disgusts me. No decency. You guys, I am NOT kidding. This coffee shop is literally ONE BLOCK from my house, and they choose to carry on right out in the open.

I'm done.

Still cleaning up last fixes on the PBL.

Ideas about how to deliver it...???

you have seen his truch there before....but,this morning it HIT you in a different way.
yeah, i think it's time.

Although I can't advise much, please know that I'm here supporting you with all good thoughts and prayers coming your way! {{{LilSis}}}

Still checking for typos, etc. but this is the gist of it. I had to restrain myself from lashing out, but some of it may have seeped through anyway....

I'd prefer to keep it generally how it is because it is MY voice, MY truth, but if I'm totally missing something or have something in here that absolutely should NOT be...let me know.

WH,

It breaks my heart to know that this may be the last letter I ever write to you.

I sincerely hope that you read the letter I gave to you a couple of weeks ago, because in it, I spoke from the very deepest places in my heart. I completely bared my soul.

Now I need to speak from my head.

My head is telling me that watching you—powerlessly and helplessly—as you self-destruct and carry on with Amy is just too painful for me to endure. It is intolerable to watch this wonderful, admirable, honorable man step closer and closer to the edge of the cliff. It is clear to me that is what my meltdown a couple of Saturdays ago was about: a desperate, futile attempt to pull you back from the precipice…even though I know in my head that only you can take that step back.

I am so sorry for showing you such ugliness and anger, on that Saturday as well as the many other times in the past. My frustration at my utter helplessness only resulted in driving you further away. I know intellectually that only you can save you, but my heart wants so badly to keep you from losing yourself, losing me, losing the boys. I believe in you, in who you are, in the heart and soul of man that I married. I will never believe that man is gone forever. Goodness always prevails.

I am also deeply sorry for my part in creating an environment in our marriage that helped make this situation possible. I wish that I could go back in time and give you all that you needed to be happy: my undivided attention, my affection, my self—with no holding back. I wish I had made “us” my top priority. I hope that one day you will forgive me for the mistakes that I made and give us the opportunity to create a new marriage.

I have changed. I am no longer the same person I was; that would be an impossibility. But the changes I have made have been for the good: an understanding of who I am, of how deeply I love you, of how much I need to make a place for God in my life, and of what it takes to make a marriage work. Over the past couple of months I have attempted to show you these changes. I want to share those changes with you for one reason: because you are the most important person in my life. I wish I had done a better job of showing that truth to you before all of this happened.

I believe with all my heart that together we can overcome all of this and begin a new and better life, one in which each of us are happy and deeply fulfilled. I want this more than anything.

But my emotions over the past couple of weeks have made it clear to me that I need to protect myself from the pain created by this situation. Watching you lose yourself and seeing you with someone else is simply agonizing. I can no longer endure it; it is tearing me apart. If one day you decide to give our marriage a chance, I need my love for you to be as strong as it is today. And I need to be as strong as I am today. So until the situation changes, the only way I can hold on to my love and personal strength is to end all contact with you.

This is not what I want.

What I want, more than anything, is you in my life—all of you—and all to myself. I am married to you. I promised my life to you—you and you alone. I cannot and will not share you. I cannot and will never be your “friend.” I can only be your wife, in every sense of the word, in the way that I promised to you and to God. That is the only type of relationship that I can accept.

Out of respect for my position, please do not call, send e-mails, or leave messages unless you have permanently separated from Amy and have decided that you want to work on building a new relationship with me.

If you need to reach me, you may communicate through Lisa. Her cell phone number is xxx-xxxx and home number is xxx-xxxx. Her email is xxxx. She will get a message to me. In terms of the boys, I will assume that you will pick them up from school on “your” Fridays and drop them off around 6:00 on Sundays. During the week, we can continue with the same arrangements we have had for alternating Tuesdays and Wednesdays, with you picking them up from school and bringing them home around 8:00.

If you decide that you want to work on building a new marriage with me, I promise you that I will leave the past behind us. I will ask only that you do the same. It will take hard, hard work on both our parts, but it can be done, and it will be worth it. I hope with all my heart that one day you will decide to allow us to make a new and better beginning, together.

I loved you on the first day I met you. I loved you when I married you. I loved you when you worked a horrific schedule to be home with Nick, when you held me after my dad’s first surgery, when I proudly stood beside you when you were named Officer of the Year, when visited the farm and the cemetery every Memorial Day, when we worried together over Jake’s bowel problems, when you gave the toast at my parent’s last anniversary together. I loved you when we marveled at the dappled light on the Pierce Stocking, when we would listen for the first red-winged blackbird in the spring and the first cicada in the summer, when we would document the growth of our maple tree in the fall, and when we would watch Orion’s Belt move across the winter sky. I loved you when we went camping at Brimley, when we drove on countless back roads just to explore, when we collected rocks at Point Betsie, when we found petoskeys at Torch Lake, when we had “great days at the lake,” when we spent those incredible days in Pentwater, and when we went to Ludington.

I will love you until the day I die.

Please come home. You know the way.

Lilsis... I fully support your decision. I will spend some time looking at your letter.

MEDC {{{LILSIS}}}

Lilsis-

I don't post to you much...you've already got the real experts on here helping...but just two thoughts about your letter.

1. Too long. Most waywards don't have that much attention span...must be an alien thing. Try to cut it back to just a few paragraphs.

2. You need to spell out CLEARLY exactly what the conditions of your WH's return would look like. In order to accept him back, to CONSIDER working on a R with him again, what do you require he do first? Or as part of it? Obviously, NC needs to be top of the list...clearly spell that out. What about signing up for MC/IC? What other criteria would you INSIST that he take BEFORE you consider allowing him back into your life?

Hope that helps...and I'm sure you'll hear similar advice from others.

I was thinking along the lines of owl.... W's just don't have the attention span.
They need to feel impact....they need to understand your plan.
maybe a power point. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Beautifully written though...brought tears to my eyes.
p.s....i have Jake.

First glance... I would re word the showing so much anger and ugliness part. My frustration on Saturday and at other times was due to unbearable (by anyones standards) situations. The way you worded it seems to place the blame on you.

I would also remove the I will love you until I die line.

ETA..
I agree with Owl... he needs to know the way home and that as of right now is by meeting your terms. Spell it out for him.

I think you should begin the letter with the I LOVE YOU PART below..It's mainly supposed to be a LOVE LETTER...

I throw my support in as well. I've been reading your post, but not posting on it.


Oh ((((Sis)))

Yea..leave out "I will love you until the day I die"..but leave the rest...

OWL

1. Length. I realize that it's too long for a WH, but I'm not really writing it for a WH...?? I'm writing it to my H. I don't care if WH lacks the attention span to read it because it won't mean anything to him anyway...at least that was my thinking on the matter.

I don't know where that last paragraph came from. It feels right to include it, though, even though it makes it looong. It's a testament to who we were, what we've been though...I don't know. It's from my heart, and I want to keep it in there.

2. Expectations. The biggie is covered. Maybe change "permanently separtated from RT" to "decided to completely cut off all contact with RT." ??? That's stronger and is more clear.

The other stuff...MC, etc. Seems like it might be laying it on awful thick. That could be negotiated with my intermediary, right?

I would delete this..won't get through to his FOGGY BRAIN. Plus, gives the message that he can't do this ON HIS OWN which is what he will HAVE TO DO once you go into PLAN B. Let him know that YOU THINK HE CAN DO IT.

okay...moved the last paragraph up to the top...deleted the "love you til the day I die" thingy

And made the above change that I posted to Owl with regard to the expectations.

You are definitely writing to your WH...

You want your WH to refer back to this while in PLAN B...

You won't see your H until after WITHDRAWAL...

i agree 100% w/ mimi. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />