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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,463
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,463 |
WHATTTTA'SS UPPPP? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> Hey beautiful lady, wherrrreeee rrrrrrr uuuuuu? how U doin'? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986 |
Take the focus off of what you believe about yourself and what's left? The reality of you. Everything that's beautiful in your life. All the blessings you have been given. The joy in watching the faces of your children when they're happy. The peace of knowing that you have held the high ground. The contentment of knowing that you, Lil Sis, will survive AND be happy again (even if you don't feel that yet). The grace in your life that helps you in your day to day life. You ARE a beautiful woman (inside and out) and worthy of love. That little girl that you were was also worthy of love. You'll get there. Hang tight. You've got a BUNCH of people rooting and praying for you. (((Sis)))
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,155
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OP
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,155 |
I'm sorry, guys. I have been so triggered and so anxious.
Last year, I went to this same conference, was determined to come back and have a wonderful summer with my family, just as I have every year for eight years since I started this job...and three days later the bomb dropped.
All weekend, I was reflecting on "a year ago..." wishing i had done things differently...feeling so responsible for not having done a good Plan A from the beginning and being party to letting this all get so out of control. We had a MC appointment set up for a few days after the conference last year, and I was so hoping that we could get our marriage back on track (from whatever it was that was wrong) and have our "family" back again.
So between being "there" and missing the boys so badly, anticipating their return, it was a rough weekend. Almost to the point of desperation. Which I think came through on Saturday...
NOW the boys are home. A HUGE relief. I started crying when they came in and we hugged, "tears of joy" I told them. We checked out their garden, had some talk time, went out and got supplies for an attic picnic and watched a movie.
Thanks, everyone, and sorry for losing it...I don't know where that all comes from sometimes...I get overwhelmed, and I don't even know by what. That any steps I've made to reclaim myself are just lies? That it's not real? That WH was right all along?
I don't know. Right now, I'm wiped. I've put in almost 40 hours in the past three days, late nights, bad food, sleeping in a dorm room without a private bathroom....I could use a good night's sleep.
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,093
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,093 |
Sis,
The dorm room baths can make anyone crazy.
The thought of doing that again......
I need a pill, STAT.
SB
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986 |
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 3,834
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 3,834 |
Time for a BUMP for the new folks, contemplating Plan A/B
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