Well, with the evidence you have and because this is a same sex relationship and people will look at the evidence differently than if it were a opposite sex relationship. Why not just let it go?

Take some time. Heal. Go dark -- until you're ready.

Mys

Hey mys,


Yep, and that's where I've been moving towards the past few days. I get moments where I feel I wanna expose, hope the A will end, but I have no plan and worse, not much desire to work things out with her even should it end.

I can definitely say I've been happier the last few days than I ever have since D-day. I want nothing to do with her at this point (which is mutual, I'm sure). As for going dark, well, I'm not going to contact her at all, and I doubt she'd contact me also now that her stuf is completely out of the apartment. So its 'dark' by pretty much mutual agreement...LOL!

Oh, don't be too sure.

She's used to being able to constantly get your attention at will. For too long, the pattern has been:

Her: <poke>
You: <react>
Her: <run>
You: <keep reacting until you stop>
Her: <wait till you're quiet then..repeat>

Your silence will be deafening.

Keep it that way.

Mys

Hi Mys,

Think now its going to be:

Her: <poke>
You: don't care
Her: <run>
You: don't care
Her: (*&$#%$^&^%@&#%@$$

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Dev,

Even though I don't post much, I have been folowing your adventure.

Believe me, I read through your thread sometimes and think you are one of the lucky ones. I know EXACTLY how you feel, and if it wasn't for my son, I would cut bait and run. But that is just it, I have a child who I want to grow up in a loving home with both parents. Luckily you did not have children before you discovered this. And if you did reconcile, do you think you could ever REALLY trust your WW again? I struggle with that thought every day.

Look, your young, have no children, dont have much, if anything, in terms of intertwined finances. Go out and find someone who will love you for who you are. Don't hate your wife. Granted, you don't have to be friends with her, or even talk to her for that matter. Just pack up the thoughts of the good times you guys once had and shelf them in your mind. You will be able to look back on them fondly one day.


As for your WW, well, her chapter in the story of your life is over. It is time for you to turn the page. Dont let is overwhelm you or own you. Get some couselling and learn to let it go.

I wish you the best.

TTG

Hi TTG,

Thanks for replying. I appreciate that people will take the time to follow my 'adventure' (LOL!)

You're right, I don't think I could ever trust her again, nor do I think I could even love her again after what she's done. I am slowly dis-entangling myself from the drama surrounding this whole episode, just to get time for ME, without having to bother or think about what SHE or THEY are up to.

I don't hate her, I don't feel much of anything about her, to be honest. I think I'm well on the way to letting her go completely already.

I know the position you're in, and what you will have to do for the sake of your son. I wish you all the best also

Update:

The past week I've just allowed things to run its course. Still NC between me and WS, not even chatting on MSN with WS's friend (the one who knows about the A, but doesn't wanna get involved).

I seldom think about her these days, and whatever thoughts I *do* have of her are not pleasant ones, remembering the way she was (the WS). Even when I try to conjure up good memories from before the A, I don't have that warm feeling in my heart anymore. Does this mean I have completely lost all love for her?

But I'm doing good. Got a nice tan over the weekend, and I'll be spending the coming weekend doing some scuba diving with some friends at some islands nearby. I'm sure I'll meet loads of new people, and I've been pretty happy of late. I'm now wondering if my happiness is forced, that I'm trying so hard to forget and move on that I'm telling myself I'm happy when in fact, I'm lonely and still sad over the demise of my marriage. How does one tell if you're really over and have moved on?

Hey everyone,

Just to update, I'm doing fine.. moving on with my life. Still have no contact with WS at all, haven't seen nor spoken to her shortly after she came and got all her stuff from the apartment, and I don't miss her anymore.

I'm starting to meet more women, nothing romantic, just lunches and dinners and I realize theres so many fishes in the sea. To me, there probably is no more hope of reconcilliation, and I'm happy living the single life again. I get lonely sometimes and wish I had someone next to me at night, but I no longer wish that it was WS.

I guess the next logical step is to file and move myself over to the divorce forum.

Just want to say thanks to all of you who have stuck with me, through my rantings and ravings, and given me such excellent advice (you know who you are!). Thank you thank you thank you!!

Don't date until you are single. As soon as you do, you will find someone you care about, and your wife will want you back. Happens a lot around here. Take your time, and finish one before you start the next relationship.

Thx believer, you are one of those I'm very grateful to <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

SOmetimes the timing doesn't work out like we plan it to. I'm having lunch with this attractive woman I know through the course of work next week. I've also met several other women in the course of 'moving on and getting on with my life' -you can't spend a weekend scuba diving on an island resort and not make friends.. I don't actively seek them out (ok, I'll admit I made the first move for next week's lunch date) -most of the time.

I do agree that I should end things before I start another, and I'm working on that. I know I don't want to go back to the M with WS, I don't think I can ever trust her again, I know that I don't EVER want to go through the pain of an affair again. But still, I haven't made plans for the D yet. Why am I procrastinating?

Hey Dev,

Good morning.

Glad to see that you are getting on with your life. Just wanted to pop in and say hi

Still

Hi still,

You have been a great source of encouragement despite your own situation, and I'm really thankful for your friendship <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I really do hope things work out for you, you're a wonderful person and a such a caring mother. Its his loss..

Thanks Dev,

I know I haven't been contributing to much to your thread... I think I got wrapped up to much in my own situation.

You have been a good friend also... and I have a good gut feeling that you are going to find that someone special and just remember what you learned about yourself. I know you will do great and whoever does turn out to be that special person is going to be one lucky lady.

I'm not sure how my situation is going to turn out but I'm not really convinced it's going to work out. I still have hope. But I really think I have to deal with co-dependancy issues myself.

Still

Hi still,

No worries on that.. Things have been pretty quiet on my side since I made the decision that I didn't want to go on pining after WS and to get on with my life. And I've been having fun, spending a little too much money, lol but I'm happy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sadly, one of the friends whom I confided in early on about my marital problems has also found out that her husband was involved in an A. I've given her her the advice I know, which is to come here and post, and I think she has, though I have not looked to see. But its quite sad that this is such a common problem, almost makes me feel so jaded about marriage.

Still, whether or not the M works out in the end for you or not, you have still become a much stronger person from going through this and improved yourself in more ways that you thought possible. And you can't put a price on that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

hey Dev........glad to see you are feeling stronger...i am in much the same mindset.

my heart says its done...over...can't go back...dont want to. but I have some legal aspects to deal with that i have been avoiding. still not sure why. believe me I KNOW that i'm done. but the legal stuff would be final....maybe i'm afraid of carrying that failure. maybe i'm afraid of the permanence. i too have flirted and felt good in the company of others. but I tell myself that if I truly want another R to work, I have to do some soul searching and self discovery first.

I'm working on identifying what I want, then I will open myself up to the option of finding it. I think I will do the legal stuff when I am ready. I will just know that its right. I'm not beating myself up about it. I know I'm not confused, guess just not ready yet. it will happen when its meant to.

maybe you are waiting for her to file, that way you can say to yourself...."I gave it every chance" and if she files then you know its really what she wants...ie: she takes the action to end it, not you? i don't know....just thinking out loud. trust in yourself....you know what s best for you. and give yourself time. good things are coming

Hi FB,

Thanks for giving me your perspective from "the other side" to put it lightly <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm sorry that you find yourself giving up also, but I think that giving up, or reaching a stage where you are able to let go is also a step forward. It may not be towards reconcilliation, but to self-discovery.

I realized that many things were not quite right in my marriage, but I also realized from doing a lot of soul searching that I WILL NOT live with someone who is capable of the ultimate betrayal -infidelity. I have learned from the mistakes we've both made, and I have come out stronger, and I hope, a little wiser.

As for filing, I'm not really bothered if she does it before I do or not, -I'd just as soon do it as not. I think she's waiting for me to file so she can say "Aha! See, he divorced me", not me. What's stopping me? Well, I think I'm not prepared for it, maybe I want to give it some time to let it sink in for sure that this is where I'm headed, and maybe you're right, maybe I'm afraid of the permanence of divorce.

I'll give myself 6 months like I said early on, and prob do it in July/Aug or so, unless she files first. I know I deserve better <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Update:

Is this some form of karma coming my way? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

WS was in the US last month, and as mentioned her phone bill was like $700+. Well this month's bill came and it started off where the last one left off, at the last few days of her US trip.

I decided to log into her account to take a look, because I saw a pink slip from the service provider in the mail yesterday, usually for late payment of bills. When I opened the mail, I was shocked! Last month's payment of $700+ had apparently bounced, and this current bill was around $1200!! So total owed is like $1.9k! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I looked at the roaming itemized billings and saw that towards the end of her trip, I suppose she had purchased an international calling card, cause the calls started going out to this 1800- number rather than to WS's number direct (WS's numbers stopped appearing).There were numerous calls over 40 minutes which really made the bill shoot up. I think in her fogged out state, she used her mobile phone (not US-registered) to make calls on the calling card, forgetting that there's such a thing called roaming charges and got totally nailed to the wall by the bill!

WS's are indeed STUPID!

Maybe her lover will bail her out? Hahahaha!

I know I shouldn't be too gleeful, but she's going to pay $2000 for PHONE bills, while I'm spending that going on a holiday and to do more diving. LOL... a little karma finally? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

hmmm, can't change the darned topic again...

Jeez dev.....that Karma sure is a B***h!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rejoice in the absurdity of turdland......i wonder if all those conversations about nothing are worth $2000....most definately not.

something to make you smile!!!!!!!! have fun on vacation

I "see" your insane phone bill karma..

...and for your enjoyment, I "raise" ya.

My current DH, when his WW (at the time) ran off, did the same thing as YOUR WW/STBX. She had a phone bill one month of $700 and ...well...she didn't pay and the next month was about the same amount with the "to be expected" pink slip of death.

WW had the CAJONES...I mean big, brass ONES to demand (not ask...demand) that DH pay her cell bill. And when he looked at her like she had two heads and said no, she had THE NERVE to try to get mad at him and yell at him (in classic WS fog babble) telling him he was being SELFISH!!!

ROFLMAO!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I am not kidding you!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Can you believe it? He just looked at her, shook his head, giggled, and walked away without comment.

(giggle)

Yes, dev--it looks like your POOR WS has be schmucked by the karma bus.