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Post deleted by I_Am_I_Said
"I am I said! But no one listened, not even the chair" Neil Diamond (not a fan, just stumbled on it and it resonated with me, maybe with you...)
Me- 42 BW
Him - 41 - WH
EA and PA - 8/05 - 2/06
DDay - second time - 1/2/07; 1st time 1999
Married 13 yrs
Son - 10; SS - 16, SD - 20
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Post deleted by I_Am_I_Said
"I am I said! But no one listened, not even the chair" Neil Diamond (not a fan, just stumbled on it and it resonated with me, maybe with you...)
Me- 42 BW
Him - 41 - WH
EA and PA - 8/05 - 2/06
DDay - second time - 1/2/07; 1st time 1999
Married 13 yrs
Son - 10; SS - 16, SD - 20
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Posts: 64
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Post deleted by I_Am_I_Said
"I am I said! But no one listened, not even the chair" Neil Diamond (not a fan, just stumbled on it and it resonated with me, maybe with you...)
Me- 42 BW
Him - 41 - WH
EA and PA - 8/05 - 2/06
DDay - second time - 1/2/07; 1st time 1999
Married 13 yrs
Son - 10; SS - 16, SD - 20
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Posts: 4,138
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my h blames me for his affair too
i'm willing to forgive him for having the A
but he says he can't forgive me for not being there for him....
ironic isn't it
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Post deleted by I_Am_I_Said
"I am I said! But no one listened, not even the chair" Neil Diamond (not a fan, just stumbled on it and it resonated with me, maybe with you...)
Me- 42 BW
Him - 41 - WH
EA and PA - 8/05 - 2/06
DDay - second time - 1/2/07; 1st time 1999
Married 13 yrs
Son - 10; SS - 16, SD - 20
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Posts: 4,138
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the bottem line is.........until he is able to accept that HE is responsible for the choices he made
just as you are
and your choices DID NOT FORCE HIM TO DO ANYTHING
then your marraige can't be healed
stop arguing your point with him
plan A
and ignore the rest of his crap
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Post deleted by I_Am_I_Said
"I am I said! But no one listened, not even the chair" Neil Diamond (not a fan, just stumbled on it and it resonated with me, maybe with you...)
Me- 42 BW
Him - 41 - WH
EA and PA - 8/05 - 2/06
DDay - second time - 1/2/07; 1st time 1999
Married 13 yrs
Son - 10; SS - 16, SD - 20
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Posts: 6,473
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Read this link, and tell us if this applies to your situation . http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rt=all&vc=1It looks like he is blame shifting too - trying to get you to believe HIS BETRAYAL is not his fault, but yours. My advice is DON'T BELIEVE IT. When you love someone, and have trusted them and been loyal to them, it's hard to break out of the mold, and see what it is that they are doing, but it's something you need to see. What does it look like to you? SS
I think sometimes about all the pain in the world. I hope we can ease that here, even if only a little bit.
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Post deleted by I_Am_I_Said
"I am I said! But no one listened, not even the chair" Neil Diamond (not a fan, just stumbled on it and it resonated with me, maybe with you...)
Me- 42 BW
Him - 41 - WH
EA and PA - 8/05 - 2/06
DDay - second time - 1/2/07; 1st time 1999
Married 13 yrs
Son - 10; SS - 16, SD - 20
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Posts: 64
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Post deleted by I_Am_I_Said
"I am I said! But no one listened, not even the chair" Neil Diamond (not a fan, just stumbled on it and it resonated with me, maybe with you...)
Me- 42 BW
Him - 41 - WH
EA and PA - 8/05 - 2/06
DDay - second time - 1/2/07; 1st time 1999
Married 13 yrs
Son - 10; SS - 16, SD - 20
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Posts: 64
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Post deleted by I_Am_I_Said
"I am I said! But no one listened, not even the chair" Neil Diamond (not a fan, just stumbled on it and it resonated with me, maybe with you...)
Me- 42 BW
Him - 41 - WH
EA and PA - 8/05 - 2/06
DDay - second time - 1/2/07; 1st time 1999
Married 13 yrs
Son - 10; SS - 16, SD - 20
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(((Sadmo))
You're not a moron, you are hurting.
I'll check more of your thread later... I'm going back to bed.
Still
BW me 46
WH 46
Together 28 years married 23
3 Kids DD20, DD17 and DS 14
DD #1 (1st A) 10/13/01 with single OW who was co-worker
DD#2 1/23/02 phone call from OW
WH left job 4/02
MC 10/01 to 4/02 (when he showed up)
Separated 7/04 to 10/04
Retrouvaille 9/04
Red Flags 11/05
DD#1 (2nd affair) 8/16/06 with MOW age 29 twice married and he's her boss.
Moved out (him) weekend after labor day
23rd anniversary 10/7/07
Filed 10/18/06 still seeing MOW
Dropped divorce complaint 6/7/07
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IaIs,
Your H is still in the fog. He will wake up and realize what HE did and be devastated. My H woke up about 2 months ago...it was heart wrenching to witness. I still have anger, but am processing it. My point is, none of what he says is true and he will wake up and have regret...at that point you are in control...be ready.
AKA
VowsRSacred/ VRS
Me 44 WH 46
dd Mar 7 06
Dday 2 Jan 19 07 EA and PA
DD 19
DS 10
DS 7
DD 4
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even though I was the BS, i didn't accept my part in our problems
my H did accept his part
it took alot BUT i finally understood
sadly, by then, my H had given up on "us"
he had come to beleive i would never accept my part in our problems
that's when he became angry and his thinking changed
he started blaming me for the A and for our failed recovery
by the time I came around....he had left
people change when they realize what they might lose if they don't
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Post deleted by I_Am_I_Said
"I am I said! But no one listened, not even the chair" Neil Diamond (not a fan, just stumbled on it and it resonated with me, maybe with you...)
Me- 42 BW
Him - 41 - WH
EA and PA - 8/05 - 2/06
DDay - second time - 1/2/07; 1st time 1999
Married 13 yrs
Son - 10; SS - 16, SD - 20
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Posts: 64
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first agreement to reconcile - he would be here with shop, now tonight tells me a different story. When I objected and said make sure the owner of company he works for knows he will not continue to travel all the time, he shouts a different story -- all about his job, his boss, and told me 3 times to "shut up". This is a no-win situation. BUT, I will no longer agree to come in second place and raise our son. Drastic thoughts I need help with -- Come ON you all. I am thinking that I need to separate and give him temporary custody of our 10 year old son - so he will get it - what I have done for years alone. But, if I do this, then he can move him to TX away from me , etc.... Don't know what to do..
"I am I said! But no one listened, not even the chair" Neil Diamond (not a fan, just stumbled on it and it resonated with me, maybe with you...)
Me- 42 BW
Him - 41 - WH
EA and PA - 8/05 - 2/06
DDay - second time - 1/2/07; 1st time 1999
Married 13 yrs
Son - 10; SS - 16, SD - 20
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Posts: 64
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Know What?? It is the damn TRIGGERS - you experienced advisors know it, right? Told him in our "ground hog day" conversation - the second one, how triggers effect me.So we go to Home Depot and I think "Oh MY, the OW sat right here in his truck with him - the truck I am helping him pay for...) I see any military woman --- daggers since she is one/ I go to get my hair cut and all I can think about is the very real lustful twinkle in his eye when he described her long, curly hair (I have baby fine and very short hair - thankful to have what is there!) He's in Dallas tonight and I am a mess again. It just doesn't have to be this way, I know it! Not enough that he accepts that I will react to "triggers" - gratefully appreciate that, but at some point all of us have to accept that it is just too broken, right??????
"I am I said! But no one listened, not even the chair" Neil Diamond (not a fan, just stumbled on it and it resonated with me, maybe with you...)
Me- 42 BW
Him - 41 - WH
EA and PA - 8/05 - 2/06
DDay - second time - 1/2/07; 1st time 1999
Married 13 yrs
Son - 10; SS - 16, SD - 20
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