Ok,I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO MY WIFE FOR 7YRS... AND WE HAVE 3 KIDS.. 4YRS, 19MONTS, AND ALMOST 4MONTHS OLD....

LATELY VERY MUCH...MY WIFE AND I HAVE NOT HAD SEX.. MAYBE A COUPLE TIMES HERE AND THERE, BUT NOT REALLY LIKE BEFORE..
INCLUDING BEFORE, SHE ACTUALLY USE TO COME-ON TO ME WHICH I HAD FOUND VERY ARROUSING.. BUT NOW TO REALLY GET HER TO HAVE SEX WITH ME ALMOST FEELS LIKE A PROJECT..

ANYWAYS... I WANT TO KNOW IF THIS IS COMMON TO HAPPEN... AND IF IT EVER IMPROVES... CAUSE HONESTLY, AS HER HUSBAND.. I FEEL LIKE I'M JUST LIVING WITH HER AND NOT REALLY HAVING ANY KIND OF PASSION... I KNOW THAT THERE ARE PLENTY OF WOMEN OUT THERE THAT WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A MAN WITH THE SEXUAL AMBITION THAT I HAVE... BUT I REALLY WANT TO KNOW IF THIS PROBLEM THAT I AM HAVING WITH HER IS ACTUALLY COMMON OR NOT. AND POSSIBLY SOME IDEAS TO HELP BETTER THIS SITUATION..

W2K,

YES it's completely normal. If she's anything like me, she's exhausted and would just like some time for herself. Your kids are young and require a lot from Mom 24/7. Not to mention recovering physically from having the 4 month old. Give it at least til the baby's a year old before she may be initiating sex again. (I'm not saying you have to wait a year to have sex, it just may not be that frequent). Draw her a bath in the evenings and take over the kids for a while. Let her know that she's still sexy...even post baby body. She also may have post partum depression.

It's hard to switch from "Mom" being thrown up on, cleaning dirty bottoms, feeding, etc...somehow it just doesn't make a woman feel sexy and it's hard to switch to the sexy vixen role.

"AND POSSIBLY SOME IDEAS TO HELP BETTER THIS SITUATION.."

Pitch in and give her a hand. I'm sure she is quite busy, and any time she has to herself, she just wants to be left alone. Watch the kids for her, help with cooking and cleaning. Let her take a couple hours and go shopping ALONE. Help with the kids at bedtime, and let your wife relax.

You are absolutely right - sex gets to be just one more project or demand for a new mom, kind of like knowing the floor has to be waxed. You can be a big factor in helping her through this.

well, i do agree with you helping her out, 3 little ones is a handful. HOWEVER, i had twins, and maybe i just have a higher sex drive than most, but i couldn't even wait the, what is it, 6 weeks they say to wait to have sex! i had a c-section too. but after 2 weeks i was like, "this is it, i can't take it anymore" and we were back to our normal sex life after that.

my ex and i found time for sex when babies were napping, etc. our issues with sex and not having it didn't come until way later in the marriage and had NOTHING to do with having 2 little ones the same age. it had to do with built up resentments, angers we had at eachother, and ultimately, because he was having affairs.

so, i just don't relate to having less of a sex life just because you have little and a house to take care of. that sure didn't stop me from continuing to have a great sex life with my husband.

just a different point of view.

mlhb

My wife and I have 5 children. Among them are a set of 10 year old twin girls and a 13 year old who is severely mentally disabled and epileptic.

I fully empathize and identify with your situation. Helping my wife with basic chores during the week helped us overcome similar issues after the twins were born. We had several frank and frequent discussions about what we needed from each other and had to come to some agreement on what we each were able and willing to give.

Her feeling sexy was an issue that she had to work through. I was able to help by affirming my attraction to her sincerely and often. My issue was not realizing that for her, things that happened outside of the bedroom were the setup for the breakdown in the bedroom. Ultimately, as a man, it occurred to me that I had to be more attentive to the demands on her, date my wife and to succeed at rebuilding an intimate emotional connection which rekindled/increased the quality and frequency of our sexual intimacy.

We eventually launched ThePureBed.com as one means of helping ourselves and others rekindle passion. Howver, nothing replaces the hard work of communication.

Bordenz

true words that! My wife claims to have lost her drive after our son was born almost 5 years ago. After years of frustration, I learned the truth--namely that we had a disconnect. I wouldn't say things are rosy as of yet, but we are improving!

As a mother of 3 who balences a full time job, full time college, and a household, I can understand about feeling tired. My husband went through a similar experience, and I did not find out about it until the damage was done. He never let me know how he was feeling, and I was too busy to notice. I got my 2X4 wake up call, and then all of his feelings came out.

My advise is to let her know how you feel. Maybe you'll find she is too tired, not feeling herself, or not feeling sexy. Either way, you know where to go from there.

Good luck!