My husband and I decided to move my mother-in-law in after she broke up with her live in boyfriend. She called him crying because she needed a place to stay. I found nothing wrong with that. I was happy to help. That was in December. We were staying in a one bedroom apartment where she was sleeping in the living room. This was the arrangements until Jan., she was supposed to move in with her grandmother then. But because of her health issues we thought that she would be better off staying. So I renewed my lease, which is under my name, for a bigger apartment. She is working and was working then. No problem right? Wrong!!! She recently told my husband that she was too depressed to go to work and thought about killing herself. So she says she made an appointment with the doctor. She says now she is worried about money so she gets rid of her car. However I noticed that she has been buying things on the internet. My husband volunteered me to take her back and forth to work if her doctor doesn't give her medical leave. I told him no. She gave up her car by choice, she lives in a place practically rent free, she pays us a small portion of rent, what's the problem? I truely believe that she just wants someone to take care of her and is not willing to take responsibility for herself. Now I see where my husband gets it. I am at my wits end. I am 3 months pregnant and don't want to deal with this and refuse to participate in any of this.

Oh.....by the way. My mother-in-law is not clinically depressed. She used that to manipulate my husband into thinking that she needed to be taken care of. She has got to go and I can see right through her acting. She laughs a lot, not typical of a depressed person. She doesn't have sleeping problems and gets up and functions like a normal person every single day. I must get her out of my house. I have made a big mistake in marrying my husband and letting this woman into my home. Oh and she wants to drive my jeep that i pay for and is in my name. NO WAY! But H wants to allow this. I will not!

I suggest you get some counseling. You are making very poor decisions. Sorry to be so blunt, but you have your hands full with hubby, and now you have mom to contend with. It is a no-win situation.

I got in a similar situation when my sons were babies. I quit my job and moved 1000 miles to help husband's mom out. We stayed with her, and she LOVED it. After a year I wanted to live on our own and their was ****** to pay. She wanted us to continue living with her.

You are in a horrible trap, and there is no gracious way out. See a counselor.

kstanshum

puh...this is a difficult situation.

I can only tell you from my own experience, don't let this happen. Don't let your MIL control your life.

I myself have lived with this kind of drama for somewhat 30years. We live in a house and my MIL lives in the same house. (her own appartment)
Never again would I let this happen as it affected every corner of our life.

My husband always felt bad when it came to certain decisions concerning his mother and I usually gave in. Within years I felt like I was #2 and this made me sad and mad at the same time. Within years it got worse and my MIL had more to say than I did. My husband didn't stand up for me and for our marriage.

This was as if he opened a door for his mother. It was never spoken about but she knew that she had control and she knew that he would put his foot down.

Well approx. 2 years ago we had a real blow-up and at last my husband realized what his passive behaviour had created. His mother was apart of our life in every corner and she was everywhere................I had enough and I told him so and thank god he understood me at last.

I wish I had put my foot down from beginning on..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
I'm a believer that young people should have their own home without any mothers/MIL or whatsoever.

Every marriage needs it's own undevided space and if something does NOT feel good, it usually isn't good. Have a good talk with your husband and make it as comfortable as possible..............because if he doesn't understand that "you" are the #1 Woman in his life and NOT his mother.........this is going to have a negetive affect on his marriage.

Don't give up and don't just give in and don't let these kind of things happen if you don't want them to!

Otherwise let your MIL sleep in your bed and see if he still enjoys it!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

bb

I will be doing all I can to get her out of my house, even if it cost me my husband, although I love him very much. I need my stanity.

It's only possible to lead a happy marriage when you as the wife feel that you are #1 in your husbands life.
He has to understand (so does MIL) that she will always be a part of his life but not the #1 anymore. It is now time for him to understand that you and his marriage are the most important things in his life.

It's ok to help MIL up to a certain extend but there is a time when you have to let go and she has to understand that she is responsible for her own life. It might sound cruel for some people but I have been there and I know what I'm talking about.

hugs
bb

Exactly, I agree. He wanted me to make him #1 in his life, which I have done. I keep people and family out of my marriage. I have disconnected the cord that I had with my mother and moved on. For some reason he seems to think that this is different. MIL is a case and a half and I am praying that she leaves and I make it known to my husband how I feel about her being there. She has done some very weird things like not cleaning up a spot of pee on the floor that my dog made, twice, and insisted that I clean up after him. All this happened while she was at home with my dog. She watched him pee on the floor, and for that it left behind an odor. Now we have to get the carpet steamed. When my H asked why she did this, she wanted the dog to explain his actions, like the dog can actually talk. After seeing her do that she will not be allowed to babysit my unborn child. It's too risky. If she does that my my dog then she will do that with a baby.

Have you had a "Heart to heart" talk with your husband yet??? What does he say about your thoguhts???

bb

I have had a heart to heart talk with my husband. Because this is his mother he feels that we should take care of her and do what she needs. She isn't an invalid, she can take care of herself. He hears what I am saying but it is not registering with him. This situation can ultimately tear our marriage apart. He doesn't see it that way. I have gone through a lot with him and we haven't beem married for a year yet. I am preparing to make my exit sometime next year because I told him that I am feeling left out and pushed out of my home. I don't even know what is going on in my home anymore. I am tired and ready to give up on marriage.

Have you considered seeing a counselor?

I'm quite worried about you. You are newly married and pregnant. I think hubby has 5 other kids by 5 other women, right? He does porn, doesn't get you Christmas presents, and can't keep a job. Now he wants you to take care of both him and mom. In 6 more months, it will be him and mom and baby.

Sorry, but I think I would file for divorce.

Leave ... and cleave.

I left my husband! I couldn't take anymore. I love him but I loved a different man, a man full of promise and new beginnings, that's what he showed me at the very start of our marriage. All of this other stuff was a suprise. I am cutting my loses now. I moved in with my mother who has been supportive yet cautioned me on marrying this man. I love my husband for the child he gave me and the experience. I will never just jump into marriage with someone that I hardly know. For some it works, but it didn't work for me. I am starting my life over and my marriage will be dissolved by the time the baby is born.

What lead to me leaving was me asking him about to choose me or his mother. He said that he couldn't chose and I said ok, well I can't be your wife and you clearly have chosen your mother. He proceeded to scream at me for an hour about how selfish I am and that I didn't understand that all that he was doing, working and trying to go to church was for me. My dog laid in front of me shaking and I got so upset that I started having Braxton Hicks contractions early in my pregnancy. When he was done I cooked a complete meal and thought about my next move. My dog just hugged me and the baby, I went into the closet, took out a shirt a pair of pants, grabbed my Bible, and my dog and took off. All the while he was standing in front me asking me where I was going. I didn't say a word. I grabbed my stuff and left. I have been getting my things together.

He has been begging me back all the while doing dirty stuff behind my back. He wrote a check for the rent and we had a few hundred left to spend so I took some time to get some food and toiletries for my stay and my mothers, I needed gas for the car and I needed to pamper myself so I took money out to get my hair done. Well.....he called and called and texted me why I spent this money. He later closed my half of the joint account, and withdrew all of the money that was in the account for the rent. We doesn't know that I have been following his deeds. I have documentation. I am done with this marriage. I am picking up what's left of my youth and moving forward.

Well....I decided to leave my husband just like I said. Now that the weight seems to be lifted off of my shoulders because this crazy marriage is ending, another nightmare is beginning. I am realizing that I married a con artist. Someone on here said that he may be one and she was right. After I left he cleaned out our joint account. I am 4 months pregnant and it was shocking to not be able to buy gas because he closed my part of the joint account. I found out that he sold our couch for what he said was extra money to pay bills, which he did not. I knew he was up to something when he told me that he was going "drop off" my things at my mothers house when he refused to help me move anything in the first place. With that money he did not pay the rent I believe he found himself a new apartment or something. He says that I left him homeless so he will be sleeping at his job. I asked for an address and he refused that. I wish there was a way that I could press charges against him for what he did with the joint account. I will never get my year back, but I learned a valuable lesson. If something is too good to be true it probably is. He sold me a dream and tried to take my life away. What goes around comes around and I know that he will never be able to get out the consequences of his actions.

I am 4 months pregnant and it was shocking to not be able to buy gas because he closed my part of the joint account.

No...this is why you were not able to buy gas...

[color:"red"] I needed to pamper myself so I took money out to get my hair done.[/color]

Ownership...personal ownership

committed