I know it may be difficult to offer advice/feedback with limited info, but I have to condense this due to space and time; so anything offered is appreciated. Here goes...

Apparently, I made a comment to my DW some time ago that was hurtful to her emotionally, but she said nothing about it at the time. Instead, she retreated into immediate silence and withdrawal. The next day, I attempted to find out why she was withdrawing and she finally admitted why. I profusely apologized and asked her forgiveness -- and even asked that she please point out when I hurt her feelings like this so I can learn from my mistakes rather than inadvertantly repeat them. She offered no "okay" or anything like that -- just more silence. We've been to MC in the past (that I thought was very beneficial), so my instinct has been to try and talk through things, but with the stonewalling recently, I'm not so sure. I hate to get into this Crazy Cycle, as Dr. Emerson Eggerichs calls it, but do you think allowing for her to cool off, think things over a few days without me trying to force conversation about it would be a healthy route to take?

Keep in mind, my DW, as unstereotypical as this might be, has never been big on communicating her feelings and emotions.

Thank you.

Aperio, all I can do is explain why "I" do the same thing as your DW. Unfortunately, just this morning (my B-day no less!!) my W and I got into a spat over something really as stupid as my parking her car in a space she didn't approve of. My feelings were hurt but instead of escalating the arguement, I build these "walls" around myself to keep from being hurt further. I simply stop communicating and sometimes it takes a day or two for me to drop my defenses again. I know by past experience that I am fully capable of seriously damaging our relationship by saying hurtful things in the heat of the moment, so I prefer to just withdraw into my shell so to speak. I know my communicative skills are cr*p, so I just clam up.

I've been lurking for a long time and have this same issue. I know it has so much to do with my poor communication skills.

My WW continues to put up walls and avoids all sorts of conversations or time together by my own doing. I beg and beg for her to open up but when she finally does, I don't listen. I become defensive, angry, and emotional. Obviously I should just shut up and listen. My defensiveness is ruining my chances for her to ever be open with me.

Is it possible that you are doing the same? If so Aperio, you and I both just need to learn to shut up and listen sometimes.

i agree with lonely... i am the stonewaller because of how my H reacts to when i try to talk to him... it pushes me further away.... we're going through counseling, but that seems to be the only time he LISTENS to me... and i think it's because someone else is there and he has to.... so, please give your wife time to cool off... my H and i now have a time out rule.... when we don't want to talk at that moment... we call a time out.... put a time limit on it though.. ours is 30 minutes.... then try again... if she needs another 30 minutes after that... let her have it.... there are obviously issues of why she can't talk to you when she gets hurt emotionally....
How often do these COMMENTS happen? with my H it's quite often... so, he is now going to counseling alone to figure out why HE does these things...
But there are reasons... and you need to figure them out... WITH her.... but give her the space she needs or she'll just continue to stonewall...