OMG - A serial cheater doing marriage councelling? LOL - if that isn't fog-babble, I don't know what is.

You need to get away from that "friend", and as fast as possible too. IMO he is actually *playing* you and driving a wedge between yourself and your H. How long ago did he start to show such interest in your personal life? Did this interest start before or around the time you starting feeling that there were so many problems in your M?

I also suggest informing that "friend"'s W of his wandering ways before he destroys anyone else's life just as he's trying to destroy yours with his "help".

And yes, I'm speaking from experience. My FWW unfortunately made a similar "friend" at work, end result being our M has become yet another A statistic, and she's done things that I'm having a lot of difficulty forgiving, things that she herself is ashamed to talk about.

IMO, you should tell your H about this "friend", and then avoid that "friend" as much as possible.

Hey Mel,

Thank you for telling me the harsh truth about how wrong my thinking was regarding delayed exposure to OWH after my H only had a little emotional affair with just a few fone fornication sessions but not physical sex.

You and Pep and LG and everyone cared enough to tell me the truth and I just realized (in seeing this thread) how I would have looked had I acted on my first instinct (defensiveness, in denial, and only looking to hear what would make me feel good).

I thought that at first, but then I took everything to heart, even if the 2x4's stung, and now we are in a better place because of it.

Ace

Any time, Ace. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

hard to say it any better than amiok did. I have been cheated on by my wife and we have 2 kids, the pain YOU put on her is a burden she have no right to bear. Your marrige is YOUR responsibility not hers make it right or leave it. Dont show your daughter that cheating is the way to live simplely becouse that is the easy way.

good for you. *************** Here is what you have to be aware of with some people trying to counsel.......

Too bad I can't seem to run off trolls, huh, trollboy? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

p.s. wild horses would not run off someone who truly wants help. If this poster left it was only because she is disappointed she didn't hear what she wanted to hear, which was advocacy of her affair and sympathy for bad behavior.

Is the idea of another relationship a way of punishing your h for his shortcomings?There is no easy escape from a bad marriage. If you try hard for the sake of your family and it cannot be resolved separation may be inevitable but only after every other avenue has been tried.

You are trying to take the easy way out of your problem .Friendship with benefits is a euphemism which implies control over a situation which is impossible to keep under wraps. There are too many variables and the often violent emotions released can lead to diisastrous consequences .

Its like the potential drug addict saying I can take it or leave it

IMO the number of infidelity descriptions designed to make the whole thing appear "cool" need to be edited for the benefit of subsequent generations My OW described the a as ---------- just a little something extra-----same mindset as -----friends with benefits.

Prostitutes have trained themselves to eliminate all emotion from the contract. They have sacrificed their souls and so will you if you consider this attitude to be acceptable.

Mel:

Your statement:

p.s. wild horses would not run off someone who truly wants help.

OH?

I don't think so. I think someone looking for help is just that. Looking for help.

Was she looking to justify an affair?

Maybe.

Did that give you reason to go off on the prostitution thing?

No.

Could you have said the same thing but dropped the Prostitution part?

Yes.

And don't tell me your standard response: "That just your wayward thoughts again"

No. It isn't.

Your very first response to this poster on this thread set a adversarial tone that would discourage anyone from continuing around here.

And when others, saying the same thing in a more even, balanced nature and discussed the devestation that she was about to bring to her M, the poster actually responded to that. More of that? She might still be around.

Mel: Keep your hand on the holster, but leave the six-shooter in the holster unless they come out firing....

S&C wandered into the saloon and was shot at right from the start. "We don't serve your kind in here!"

Not the message that this board should represent.

LG

LG, I sure appreciate the unsolicited advice, but I am pretty happy with my posts and wouldn't change a thing. So, thanks, but no thanks.

I am not the one who was "harsh" here, rather that award goes to the poster who is seeking an affair. This poster is proposing some very harsh actions, a sleazy affair, and very much needed to hear the words that match those actions: crude and harsh. It is crude and harsh to behave like an unpaid wh*re; at least a prostitute gets paid for her services. That is how romantic her "friends with benefits" plot is.

Outside of that, every poster determines the tone of their own posts according to their own style and personality. And we shouldn''t imagine that anyone except the mods can dictate posting styles.

And I will state again, wild horses could not drive off someone who was sincere about getting help. This poster simply did not like what she heard because it did not support her affair nor offer her the sympathy she felt she deserved.

so, thanks but no thanks. I am quite content with my posting style. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I wish that we, as a community, had convinced SnA to have her husband come and read these forums.

SnA, if you are still out there, delete your posts about the EA until you are ready to tell him, but please send your BH this way.

................. f l a s h .........

I think we have now been exposed to yet, a brand new Accronymn:

"Friends with Benifits"==== FWB

Yep, it's going to have to be added to the list, no doubt about it.

You never know, it could come up again.

All Blessings,
Jerry

Regarding styles of posting..... IMHO, readers, lurkers and betrayed spouses seeking help have the choice of selecting input based on styles, grammar, structure,etc.

If someone does not like a certain person's style, they can choose not to respond. If someone chooses to lash out (cut off the nose to spite her face, it would seem) it is not the poster's fault.

When Mel first posted to me about delayed exposure to OWH, she had my gender wrong. I could have told her off but I chose to see her points in spite of it. When I referred to her by the wrong name, she could have blown me off but she chose to help me.

LG, you posted to me a different message in a different style from a different perspective ....I CHOSE to listen to your questions, too. In fact, you were blasted by most posters but because I heard your heart, your posts helped me decide more than all the others. (Sorry Mel, et al! LOL!)

The point is that those of us seeking help have to be mature enough to keep seeking in spite of the styles of posters. Me? I started a new thread, left MB forums for 2 weeks, let y'all duke it out and ended up accidentally emailing and talking to Dr. Harley himself. No kiddin! And my H and I POJA exposure to OWH and we're on the road to recovery now. (It's in the post I cut and pasted for gsh today if you're interested in the 'accidentally' part.)

We are not victims, we can choose and own our own stuff...(thanks LA) and seeking help should be no different.

Ace

why don't you just leave your husband first if he isn't doin' it for you anymore?...that'd be the respectful thing to do.

What About Now------ Thats right

FIX IT OR FINISH IT!!!!!

From the brief desciption you gave of your hs behaviour he sounded very controlling but an a is definitely not the answer.