I just found out that someone I love has been sending dozen emails and phone calls to and from various people that are online. All indicating something sexual.

Right now I want to gather as much evidence before I do anything else. I know some people think of it as a made up fantasy world, blah blah blah, but it still hurts to know that the person you love is flirting with others. I know that we haven't been as close as we use to be. But that isn't an excuse... I don't know how to respond.

Should I distance myself or hold on? We both want this to work but how do I say that i felt hurt and felt what is being done is wrong??? Has anyone else had any experiences with chatroom affairs?

I'm kinda going thru a similar experience. My hubby was joining online porn sites looking for erotic chats with women. Gather your evidence if you must,it may be useful later if you decide to divorce or if you want to confront him with it.

It's possible he will play it off like it's no big deal (that's what my hubby did) say it's not wrong because it's not like he's gonna meet up with them,etc.

I have no advice on how to work thru the hurt and mend your marriage as I havent figured that out for myself. I just wanted to say you're not alone,offer some hugs and prayers that things will work out for you two. My only suggestion is that you explain yourself to him,your feelings and ask him to stop doing what he is doing. That is the first step.

Best of luck!

of course it hurts,,,no-one says because its fantasy that it wouldn't hurt,,,PA's hurt and they are fantasy also,,,I look at all of it on the same level,,,if they are busy with someone else whether its on line or in a hotel room they are not busy with you,,they have their prioritys messed up either way,,,and things can be worked out if both people are willing and therapy can help and stop what is happening.

2 years (not even) my Wife did the same thing.. She got a webcam and did fairly explicit stuff of herself over the web cam with the guy.. She sent him emails of herself doing stuff, and the emails said "just a little something to brighten your day". They had very explicit chats over MSN.

Gather your evidence. both times, my wife completely denied it, the second time (about a year apart) I had more information than I cared to know. But I confronted her without the evidence and she flat out lied to me, said no she hadn't been in contact with him.. etc, etc.

I then showed her a copy of her chats. She just sat there dumbfounded that I had evidence or proof... She waited for me to go to bed then went online with him...

I found videos she tried deleting of herself and of him... that I was able to recover... yeah, not good. She quit it, but the first time I caught her she told me the second time, that she didn't think anything was wrong with it even after I confronted her.

LoveLost-what are you two doing about it? therapy? anything?

"someone I love" - you aren't married? You have no children together? It's cheating. Even if they never touch, it's cheating. If you can get out, get out. If you're married, if you have kids, stay and fight for your marriage.