Do you have any resources about flirting? My wife is a major flirt around men. Before I married her she slept around like a wet blanket with every man she met, I didn't know this at the time, but later after we were well married did I find out she is an easy pick up...everywhere I go she is on the prowl it seems, or is it my insecurities?

She has already had several affairs with three different men... prior to our marriage, but after our engagement...she claims she has changed, but it doesn't appear to be the case in public when she's around other men, it feels like I am in a candy store with a baby! I don't trust this woman as far as I can pick her up...so far I don't believe she's had an affair on our marriage, she said she is finished with that life style. She weighed 300 plus pounds before having surgery, now she is 150lbs and extremely beautiful, but I notice her working the stares from other guys, she looks for attention, am I sitting on a bomb here? I'm sooooo bloody confused...

Any help would greatly be appreciated,

God Bless <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

please help <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks.

WOW - That would be tiring.

How do you know she has not been unfaithful after you married? Whyever did you marry her when she cheated on you while engaged?

With her appearance changing I would certainly not trust her. Why DO you trust her?

How long married? Any children? Has she done any counselling to examine why she is a sl*t? What is she doing to make you feel safe? Have you read HNHN? WOW.

You know, if you have no kids, I would seriously consider a divorce. She deceived you to marry you. I would not believe she has been faithful personally.

After I found out she was unfaithful, we were already married, but I am so much in love with her. No, we have no children. She always lets me know where she is and what she does, we've gotten into church and she really tries to enfore my insecurities, but the eye thing she does around other men really takes its toll on me.

What is HNHN?

His Needs, Her Needs.

Did she consider herself a Christian while she was screwing everything that moves?

No, in fact she didn't even go to Church until I lost my mind about finding out about her screwing around. We have been going to Church quite regularly and she appears to be committing herself to God and praying with me...do people change bigkahuna? Can they change?

OK - That is an excellent piece of news.

YES - People can and DO change. IF she is truely submitting herself to God then this is great news.

That being the case, tell me WHY you still feel the way you described in your first post.

A LOT of women do see flirting as "fun" without realising the dangers.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...fpart=&vc=1

I just did a search on google.com for:

flirting site:marriagebuilders.com

Turned up that post - sounds EXACTLY like yours doesn't it?

Flirting would be a love buster.

It is disrespectful to YOU and a danger to your marriage especially given her history.

The POJA would also come into play here.

Have you read any of the FAQ's here on this site?

Read up about Love Busters, Emotional Needs etc.

No, I have not read any of the resources you refer to, this is why I posted in order to get pointed in the right direction, thank you for this!

I catch her doing eye flirtations with other men, especially when I am not around and she doesn't think I am noticing. An example, last night we were at a pizza parlor and I told her I was going to the bathroom, but instead, I went to order some more drinks, so while I was waiting to be served, I noticed her looking over at a table full of guys like there was no tomorrow!!! She wasn't doing that while I was sitting there, but the minute I got up from the table she started, and the guys were all checking her out, so she noticed that...I don't mind men checking her out, she is a beautiful woman and I'm proud to be seen with her, but we also had another problem in the past where she was extremely flirtatious with a friend of mine who got uncomfortable and we talked through it, but I guess I am just looking for excuses to stay with this woman, as much as I love her, it won't change, I guess I'm too old fashioned!

It certainly won't change because you love her - that's for sure.

Have you considered Marriage Counselling? Steve Harley at MB is great.

i would say some IC for her might be in order. if she had all these "flings" when she was heavy i am betting my house that she did it because it made her feel wanted and attractice when maybe she did not have an ounce of self esteem for being so heavy. and now that she has lost weight, she may still need that reassurance that she is attractive to the opposite sex. she may flirt to see if she can get that feedback.

when you are once really heavy and suddenly you get all kinds of attention when you aren't anymore it can become addicting. does not mean she will be unfaithful to you or that she doesn't love you. i am guessing she is someone with little to zero self esteem.

i bet if she went to some IC she could work through this and see that it is not a healthy behavior and that she can get her self esteem just be feeling good about herself on her own and from the feedback she gets from YOU, the most important man in her life.

i was heavy all growing up. in my late teens i got thin. all of a sudden i had all kinds of male attention and it blows you away. i used it to my advantage in my early 20's in my work and personal life. so i can understand the mentality. (i am not saying i did that major sleeping around part, or the affairs but i understand the feeling of suddenly getting all kinds of male attention you never had before)

mlhb

slept around like a wet blanket...flirts heavy when she thinks you are not watching...three cheats...no kids...
two choices... counseling or divorce.

Is there a history of childhood sexual abuse on her end. She fits many of the traits. The constant flirting, low self esteem, promiscuity.

I would ask her about this and I would sit her down and tell her that her flirting really bothers you. I would do it in a way that is calm and non judgemental.

"Hon, I really need to talk to you. I've noticed that you flirt a lot with guys and it really bothers me a lot. I would really like it if you stopped."