Hi Friends...

Well it's been two years since we've separated. We still care for each other. I'm getting stronger every day and so the hurt is not as intense as it was. H has been less angry also...

I really can't tell if it is good that we date. I think it's good for us to have a civil relationship, but if we are dating each other I just wonder why we are getting a divorce.

My H filed for divorce and has never said that he doesn't want it. I've been dragging my feel because I was hoping that he would want to work on the marriage and make the changes that we both need to make to have a happy marriage.

But to this day - he's never said anything like that. He's bought a condo and exhibited all kinds of Independent behavior that pretty much tells me that he doesn't want to reconcile.

I think I'm accepting that reality - but enjoy our times together (he is much better company now that we don't live together). I just don't know if I shouldn't accept his offers of dinners, gifts etc. He's always been a giver of gifts but less generous with his time...

Just rambling before I go to work this AM..

Last night was another nice dinner, but it was all spoiled when he text messaged me a hurtful reminder of the bad decisions I made during our marriage. Then I did the same back to him...ugh.

Have a nice day..

I don't think it's a good idea to date unless your H made some changes and stopped the D proceedings.It sounds weird to me.Is he giving you any indication that he does want to reconcile? Dinners and such aren't exactly that.He may be using you.I don't know.Is there intimacy again or just spending time together?

If it were me,I would decline the offers unless there were reason to believe he wanted to save the marriage and was willing to work at it.I would feel used but I guess I don't feel like I have the whole picture.Have you spoken to him about what his intentions are?

There is no intimacy. He says he wants us to be friends. I have to believe that he is really wanting friendship. It is one of my most important needs which was not being met in our marriage . He just didn't "show up", and I was lonely and made some very bad decisions (affair).

Historically sex was the only way he could connect - so I have to say that I am impressed that he acts like he really enjoys my company without sex.

H,

I guess then you should decide exactly what you would like for this relationship as it is now.if the D goes through,would you be ok with still "dating"? Seems unusual to me.Mixed up.If all you want is to be friends than that is ok but why "date"?

To me it all sounds confusing you know? I guess I'm not sure what you are looking for.I wouldn't want for you to get hurt.You may be setting yourself up for that if you subconsciously hope that he will want more and you can go forward as a couple.It doesn't sound as though he's indicated that or if he wants to stop the D.

Thank AB - it is confusing. Most days I'm ok with it - like having his company, like him treating me to things I can't afford, like talking about the kids, like hearing about his job, just like being with him.

Other times, I hate that he is so proud and stubborn and unwilling to work on a marriage. Really any marriage (I'm his third wife!). I should have known better -he did the same to his 2nd wife. Got disappointed and just closed the door.

I think if a nice man came along it would help...but it's doubtful as long as X is in the picture. I'm hoping that when the D is final and all of the financial stuff has been settled I'll be more clear.

thanks though for your response...