I don't know where else to turn. I've caught dh looking at porn on the internet. I was annoyed about it mostly because he lies about it. We also had some computer "problems" due to this - virus type stuff.

Anyway without totally getting off track here. He got smarter and started deleting the history/cookies/downloads. Basically he's learned enough to cover his tracks most of the time.

Unfortunately i'm not that computer savvy so as far as I can tell there's no way for me to block him from altering these things (we've got windows xp.)

I know there is software out there that runs behind the scene and can show what's going on, but I don't know any more than there is stuff like that available. I've heard that sometimes it's picked up by anti-virus software. We're running a free version of AVG.

Can someone give me some help on what types of things I might be able to get, will it run undetected (and how is that possible?)

I'm really getting frustrated. We're in a really bad spot in our marriage, just started MC. I feel totally frustrated that he's lying and i'm also a little concerned since he got a call and was meeting someone this morning unusually early (I was still in bed, but heard the phone call.)

I know my marriage is a mess, I know going behind his back to catch him in things isn't idea. But he lies and I need the truth. Can someone help me out with some info? Please.

Welcome to MB, ‘D. Wish it could have been under better circumstances.

The problem in your marriage is not porn. It is the lack of trust. If he uses porn (as most guys with an Internet access do), then he needs to be truthful with you. If you want know if he uses porn, then you should be able to ask him a question and get a straight answer from him.

You must understand that for most guys porn is something they like, but they are not proud of the fact that they like it. To most guys it is something to be ashamed of enjoying, somewhat akin to cheating. Whether or not you or some other woman considers it cheating is immaterial for this discussion; I am just trying to make you understand why he would tell you these lies. He is trying to not hurt you, he is trying not to look pathetic in your eyes.

What to do about it: tell him that you understand his porn use, tell him that the use of porn is not a problem for you, but that his lying is. He needs to be an honest man. The two of you have to come up with a way of dealing with porn (I do not know of what your opinion of porn is).

As far as your question on keylogger software goes: do a search through this forum, as this subject regularly pops up every month or so.

As far as what you can do without the software or any computer expertise, let me give you a few pointers. Please note that I am not very computer savvy myself, so if he knows just a little more then I do (which is not a high hurdle to clear), he may be able to cover his tracks so you wont find anything.

Firstly, take a look at the “recent documents” folder; if he saved anything, then the last few files will have a short cut to it.

Secondly, look at the cookies, recent history, etc., as you’ve stated; if it is conspicuously clean, you’ll have to wonder why.

Thirdly, do a search on the C: drive (or whatever drives you have) for the past month. Although after viewing/reading porn on the Internet I erase cookies, and try to clean up the history (because of kids, not because of my wife who is supportive of my activities be they porn or otherwise), I am always amazed that there is something that I missed. Scanning the C: drive is a good way for me to check; perhaps your H does not.

Fourthly, check if a search shows up shortcuts to some removable drive or to documents on a removable drive, such as a Zip drive, CD rom, flashdrive. I keep my downloaded porn on flashdrive, so after I am done, I simply remove the flashdrive.

Fifthly, type a letter or two after a www. in the address bar, and recently used sites will pop up. I am not computer savvy enough to know how to erase these entrees selectively, without erasing the entire history.

Sixthly, do a search on blocked websites. Because you’ve had viruses before, it is likely that he is paranoid that the computer will get infected from a site that has porn on it, and he has turned up the security. If he did so that for any deposit of a cookie to your computer by a different computer he gets a pop-up window asking for a permission to deposit a cookie on your computer, and if he hits “no”, he will be generating a “reject” list on his computer. You should be able to find this list.

Good luck!

Hi Mrs D, I have held off posting a reply on this one as I simply have not had a spare minute lately but here goes...I simply could not disagree more with AG on this one. The way I see it you have two problems not one...
a) the trust issue a
b) the porn issue.
AG likes to state that many guys like porn well sorry but so what...just because people may enjoy something it simply doesn justify it. The fact that porn is degrading and many many of the so caled porn stars were victims of childhood sexual abuse seems to have absolutely NO impact on guys who use porn...basically it comes down to their sexual gratification being most important in their eyes regardless of who is demeaned and degraded...The fact that most women instinctively feel betrayed anddegraded also means little. You have EVERY right to expect your partner NOT to participate in this seems to allude them...Of course you cannot change their decisions but I would urge you to conbsider what you need and deserve...I strongly believe a woman with self esteem would recognise that she deserves mosre than some wives are prepered to tolerate....The studies that have shown exposure to even mild porn decreases a mans perception of his partners attractiveness seem to be denied by porn users (of course they know more than the scientists right???? Their brains are screwed, they cant help but see women as a series of body parts let alone takes their opinions seriously....I think their biggest nightmare would be to have to give up their disrespect of women....that which makes them feel like the men when deep down they have deep insecurities and seek to build themselves up through demeaning women and children (hey lets face it most of those mags/ websites features 'women' whos ages are at least a little questionable...tell me please how they know 17 from 18??? are porn users reallly so ignirant, plain stupid or Simply dont care...my guess is the latter...

Trust me, you deserve better than the rot you have been fed above......we teach others how to treat us...PS sorry bout the typos but in a rush to head out..

Look, letmejustsay, why don't you read Mrs D's post again. She posts that her problem is the lack of honesty in her husband. Why don't you address that, instead of posting your diatribe on how much you hate porn?

She asked a question about how to track her H's postings. I answered that question. Can you?

Mrs D, welcome.

You mentioned something about an early morning call and your husband leaving and you not knowing where.

Are you afraid he's meeting with prostitutes or other women?

My ex actually did extensive searches on escort services in an area to where he was traveling. I don't think he met any of them, but I could understand your concern.