I have found out today after further exposure that my WW has moved from an EA to a PA. I will tell the children tomorrow when she goes out and I'm off to Plan B.

I have told her to sort out the finances as she never deals with anything until its too late.

Where do I go from here. She says she loves OP and nothing seems wrong so she will continue damaging me in the process. I asked her to read Surviving an Affair but she won't bother not now I've exposed her further.

I have to say Plan A stinks!

Hey Chris-yes Plan B does stink-I am going thru that right now-How long have you been in Plan A? If you want to salvage any love you have for her, I would go to Plan B like you are talking about. It is so hard and it hurts so much-But I am living proof that the pain does subside. I was where you are about 3 months ago and I am smiling and laughing again eventhough I know that my M is over-I wish you peace and comfort b/c this is a terrible time...but it does pass.

How long you been in Plan A? Did you expose? What have you done.

If you dont do Plan A right, Plan B will fail!

Does she live with you?

I'm so sorry to hear this Chris..

What's going on with the children?

I have been in Plan A for about a month but I've been aware of her affair for about 2 months and its probably been going on 4 months. Stupidly I let her deal with things in the beginning but she just kept on seeing him. I just wish I had come across this site earlier

I have exposed her to family, friends, her work, his work and his parents.

She won't let me meet any of her emotions needs. She leaves the room when I come in. If I touch her she pushes me away, she no longer puts kisses on her text messages. I told her I read his text messages and they are filthy and I knew he wanted to move in to my house.

She won't leave as he has nowhere for them to live as he lives with his parents. She keeps saying that she loves him and no matter what I do she will do everything she can to be with him.

I spoke to my solicitor (UK law) and have been told that she will get the house as she has the children as she provides the main child care.

It now seems pointless following Plan A and I can't kick her out as that will damage the children, so I've decided to move out and follow Plan B slightly different from the plan they expect you to follow. Dr. Harley says that Plan A doesn't work in most cases and with her affair having so much emotional attachment since they believe they are soul mates I think I should just move out and try and get on with my life, but I'll keep the door slightly open in case I can return

If you read Surviving an affair, Jon has to do exactly that in the end.
I have made arrangements to move to a 1 bedroom house so she will see the damage it causes on the children when I leave. I have prepared letters for both my boys and her and she is aware that once I move I don't want to see or speak to her.

I have told her to sort out the finances and when she see she is left with nothing she will have to suffer.

Hi Chris,

Sorry you are going through this. I have gone through much the same but have not entered plan B and have no plans to move out or make anything easy for the OM. If the OM is such a good catch, he will make it easy them to be together. If not, he is making it easy for me when I don't leave and he does nothing to help the A along.

Plan A to work effectively requires you doing only things that are seen as positive and loving towards the WS. She will see both positive and negative sides to the OM over time and what he lacks for emotional needs fulfillment will start to eat away at her.

It is very tempting to talk about the A during plan A, argue about it, or get angry over it. Talking about the A will not be seen in a positive light by the WS. She will not want to be in the same room with you because it means talking about the A and not getting the positive loving feelings that she can get from the OM (that also isn't stressing her over the A). This is the reason plan A is hard. You'll know if you've been successful in plan A if the WS starts to act more like a W and doesn't mind talking more or being around you. She will allow more ENs to be met as time progresses.

You might still have time to save your M. Take your time to plan and think things through, figure out what she wants most for her emotional needs to be met and work on those. The OM might not want to meet all her ENs. He might not want all the baggage she's carrying. Anyway, plan and re-plan. Take your time, believe me, it's worth doing that if you still love your W and think there is even the slightest hope left to get her back.

God bless,
CS

Even if she 'was the primary care giver' for the children, can you let them know she is now not safe for the children t/b around? Let them know she has been abusive to you and being with 'strange boy who lives with his parents'.

That you worry for the safety of your children and as a result need to stay and setup care for them. That she needs to leave and you need to stay for the children.

Your solicitors can't be that old that they never heard of a WSW (waywardspousewife), eh?

L.