Why?

He's already done the worst.
Whats so terrifying about it?

Don't you value yourself? You think he can so easily find someone else? I wouldn't bother letting the competition scare you. Let them have him, right now he's not such a prize.

You don't really want him back until he learns to VALUE you and PRIZE you above all others.

No settling...

I can read those words and I agree with them. But why is it so hard for me to REALLY believe them?

And he works at a bar Lex. He is a VERY handsome man. I am not just saying that. He works out and truly is a sex god. We would walk through a place and the women would literally grab him as he walked by. He used to tell them to knock it off. He used to tell them "Would you like it if I grabbed you like that? No, then don't touch me." I am not seeing so much of that man anymore.

That is why in my Plan A, I didn't use sex. DEEP DOWN that is SO NOT what he is about. He wants to be valued for more than his beautiful face, and truthfully, I was the only one who did just that. All these other women only saw him as a piece of meat. He knows it too. But he is so down that I think any attention is ok with him.

WHen he first met me, one of friends wanted to be with him. He looked at her and said "I am not a steak. Don't look at me like I am one"

Where is that man?

I think in all this I am supposed to learn my own self worth.

In terms of your self-worth....

Step back from yourself and describe yourself. Intelligent, funny, compassionate, reflective, a good mom....

This is WHO YOU ARE. When your mind starts to doubt and go into a dark place, remind yourself of these qualities, and know that those doubts will pass, and you will feel--really feel--who YOU are again.

If you must wonder about what he is doing (I know I still do, to be honest), then at least DO NOT indulge in any thought of REACTING to what you ASSUME is happening. Okay?

It will get easier. You get control back of your life. You get to look at you and get to know you, rather than constantly thinking about his ENs. This is your reprieve.

And yes, he probably is basking in the freedom of Plan B right now. It just started!! The pain won't (theoretically) hit until later...mind you, I'm still waiting...but it makes sense.

Just breathe and get through one day at a time.

HM,

I have not posted to you, but have been following your thread. I just saw on Cymanca's thread that you are from Cleveland. He and I both grew up on the eastside - me in Euclid. He went to an eastside boy's school and I went to a eastside girl's school but not the one right down the road from his boy's school. (I think you get the layout).

I am coming up to Cleveland in 3 weeks to see my parents who now live midway between Cleveland and Akron.

BB

He saw our friends the other day and they said he has been very depressed. He wants to come home...yadda yadda. I keep trying to think that he is miserable without me. Even though I know he isn't.

This is definitly harder than I thought!

Lex did you go into Plan B?

Here is the other worry. ME! I got male attention and I flirted back. Not good. It was over the phone..but not good at all. Then it hit me. I am so worried about him doing it, and I just did it. STOP IT STOP IT NOW. It is hard to wait for someone who you know deep in your heart you want to be with, but after 7 months isn't sure if he wants you back. After awhile I have lost a lot of that love I had for him.


I have gotten my esteem back, I look better than I have in a long time. My friend J said to WH that he used to dress so good. Now he always wears dirty clothes and looks disheveled. She told me I looked outstanding.

HM:
Just stay calm.
Let the plans work.

Now that you are in Plan B -- stop obsessing over what he "is" or "isn't" or "might" do. Put him away. Let him deal with himself. He has a lot of healing and fixing to do before he will be worthy to come back to you and the kids. And if he doesn't do it, then he's not the man you want. Right? No crumbs. No settling.

Now is the time to think about YOU. What do you want for yourself? What do you want in 5 years?

Hey! Sorry I missed your post!

I actually live closer to Akron. i am in Stow. I work closer to Cleveland in Bedford Hts.

Where are you going to be in 3 weeks? Which city? Maybe we can meet!

Aside from the whole marriage and family thing...

I want to go to school. I want a career that I love. I want to have my friends again. I want to go out and have a life again. I want to sit in MY house in MY backyard with my kids and be surrounded by people who love me.

HM,

My folks live in Richfield just Cleveland-Massilon road. I will visting them.

BB

That isn't too far from me! I don't think anyway! Where is Cymanca from?

Ya know..in a sick way I am angry that he hasn't tried to call.

How long will I go through withdrawl?

AH, this is normal...as far as withdrawal, it can take up to three weeks but it really depend on the R/M...here I am three months into Plan B...well, I just saw him the other day...so nevermind...

DUD! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Come to think about it, I don't miss PODS, I miss the companion! Someone to talk to, to share...and he is really sexy, but you know what, that's not good enough for me these days...he's a lair, a lousy husband, a horrible dad...I can go on...

I think that's what keeps me going...when I start feeling all gooie inside, which is rare, especially after this past week, I would think about all the things that really piss me off about him, the way he treated me, blah, blah, blah...

Have you ever journaled?

HM,

Just saying hi this morning as I am catching up w/everyone.

The withdrawl will be hard, but hang in there! You will be ok!

Have a great weekend! If it gets tough, stop over on BC's thread for a frosty cold one! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

He actually tried to come over on Sunday! He walked in to me and our DD3, dancing to "Want to" and he just stared at us.

This morning he sent a text that said "I want to come home. I was fine and then all of a sudden I heard that song on my way to work and I knew I needed to come home"

He agreed to EVERYTHING I needed him to do. now he just needs to do it!

Don't let him home based on 'agreeing' to everything.

Let him come home once he's DONE OR DOING those things.

He can come home AFTER he:

-Establishes NC with OW (sends NC letter and copies you on it so you see and approve of the message)
-Quits his job at the bar
-Sets up marriage counseling for the two of you
-Whatever else it was you required in your plan B letter

Words are easy...ACTIONS are the only thing that counts.

Don't take him back with ANYTHING LESS than the ACTIONS you need to begin rebuilding trust in him. Words mean nothing.

I agree with Owl, he has to prove he means what he's saying. Don't get played again.

and you're always welcomed on my thread for a frosty one, but I need a few days to recover from the weekend.

Good Luck Holy

HM,

I am Very happy to hear this news!

HOWEVER - Ditto what Owl said so very well. That saved me a lot of typing!

Let's see some ACTION from him and then you can host a celebration party here on your thread!

BC should be recovered by then <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

HM:

What kind of Plan B are you in?
He walks into your house.
He texts you.
You've had some kind of conversation about him agreeing to everything. (which for the record, is only WORDS...there have been no ACTIONS)

Who is your intermediary?
Perhaps you should restate some boundries and a list of ACTIONS.

And you need a MB'ers butt-whooping.....STICK TO YOUR PLAN.

I gave him the letter TWICE this weekend. He wouldn't follow it. I ignored him, left the house, had R call him, etc.

He was fighting about the visitation schedule, having to talk to R, everything.

I did not talk to him. I talked to R. Then he just showed up at the house and walked in the front door.

If you remain in plan B...

Keep the house locked, at all times. Remind your WH through your intermediary that he is NOT welcome at your house any further. Call the local sherriff's office and determine whether or not you can legally have him removed.

He's deliberately walking all over your boundaries...so you need to get some teeth behind them to ensure that they're enforced. Find out what's legally enforceable.