I'm Catholic. Your Jewish. Could we thrive in a relationship/marriage? How?

My WH and I had very different beliefs. We learned to cope with it. We actually made compromises. When something REALLY meant a lot to him, and not to me, we did it his way and vice versa.

You have to find a middle ground and be willing to give.

That's understood. And, for the most part, could be a wonderful spiritual experience and journey.

But, in my example, one believes that Jesus Christ IS the Messiah; resurrected and ascended to Heaven for us and for our salvation.

The other believes in the Messiah, however, Christ ain't Him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

That's pretty significant.

Love conquers a lot of things - but that sounds like a deck of cards stacked against the relationship. Some of us make small compromises - and the gap becomes huge. My XW claims Christianity - but reads new age stuff to gain comfort in her "need to be herself". I think the stuff she reads is crap, written to make the authors rich.

I am kinda comparing apples to oranges with your sitch - but it is a big deal. One day the love will not be so strong, and the differences in belief might become a wedge.

It will be interesting to hear what others have to say.

Anybody else out there in a bi-religious relationship that has been successful for a long time?

Pray hard about this one, and listen carefully.

If either of you are less convicted about your belief, it might be easier, I would suppose...

But I am no scholar about such things..

far

I would see such a relationship as failing the basic compatibility test.

If anything, it would make for a great debate, assuming it can be done without LB's and DJ's. Personally, that wouldn't be a problem (I'm open to the entire universe and spectrum of possibilities and would enjoy deepening my knowledge of the Old Testament). Yet, as Soren Kierkegaard suggested, I've taken the "leap of faith" that Christ is the Messiah.

And, as suggested, I do it without question. I CHOOSE to believe.

So, this Jewish person, raised Lutheran by a Lutheran minister, converted to her biological father's faith (Judaism) later in life after spending some time with a Hebrew scholar. So, she grasps the realm of ideas -- but has made and integrated her own beliefs, and, unlike me, seems rather firm in those beliefs. I SEEM to be a bit more flexible.

Yet, am I flexible enough to eradicate Christ from my life? Whoa -- that's kind of a big deal.

Yes, BK, it's basic. But, I grew up with Christianity, Russian Orthodox and Catholocism all blended together. Granted, Christ was still the universal key element, but the stories and methods surrounding Him were ALL different. This simply allows me to be a bit more flexible and broad-minded in my overarching beliefs.

Are there any Jewish folks on this board that have any thoughts? Christians?

I know lots of catholics who are married to jews and manage quite well.
i think it is much more difficult w/ evangelical types because they often feel so strongly about promoting their own beliefs.

Debating with your spouse is a huge lovebuster, big no-no. Marrying someone with a different religious belief is just a recipe for disaster because as BigK noted, it fails the basic compatibility test. It is a BUILT IN conflict generator. This is much more than just a matter of differing "tastes," but a matter of differing WORLDVIEWS and of the reality of that world.

Not to mention that it would be confusing as he11 for kids. How could you teach them the truth when there is someone in the house who contradicts that? Differing religions can't BOTH be true.

Dr. Harley talks about the conflicts in marriages with different religious beliefs and one of the suggestions he gives is for one partner to convert to the other's religion. Here is what he has to say about this:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5040_qa.html

"Could we thrive?" Yes. But that also depends upon your definition of "thrive."

"Should we marry?" That depends, don't you think, on the Christian and whether or not he/she desires to be obedient to God's commands for believers in Jesus Christ?

God's command in His Word, on this subject, is in 2Corinthians 6:14-18, for believers. The "operative command" in that passage is "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers."

Can someone choose to ignore God's command? Yes. But there are consequences for doing so. If "raising children in the Lord" is important, it would seem a problem might be "on the horizon" in an unequally yoked marriage, at the very least with respect to children and whether or not they will be able make a decision for Christ.

Should a believer ignore God's commands? That, it would seem, would depend upon their view of Scripture (i.e., "suggestions" or "commands") and how surrendered they are to God in their own walk with Him, don't you think?

frankly,

I am an atheist. However, I want to respect the role of faith in other people’s lives and support others (my family and friends in particular) in their particular faith journeys.

On to your question:


I think the relationship can thrive if you both are mutually respectful of each other’s faith and mutually supportive of each other in his/her faith.

A few random thoughts about being respectful of someone’s faith:
*Learn about it
*Consider differences from your own faith to be differences – not flaws
*Be watchful of the disrespect of others. Never let them believe you share their disrespect
*Identify how that faith has helped shape that person and the positives that the faith brings to that person’s life

A few random thoughts about being supportive of someone in his/her faith:
*Make time to participate in ways that are appropriate for an outsider
*Build relationships with other members of the faith community
*Create a comfortable environment for your partner to discuss his/her faith with you if he/she wants to
*Do not allow people of your faith to make your partner feel uncomfortable about his/her faith
*Don’t ever, ever harbor any hope – no matter how secret – that the other person will “see the light” and convert to your faith

Some religious faiths are explicitly anti-ecumenical and do not allow the sort of support of a different faith as I’ve described here. It seems obvious to me that a couple of the items I’ve listed here (but not all) are inconsistent with the message of Evangelical Christianity. It’s probably true of certain other religions and other branches of Christianity, but I could not say which ones.

At least that’s my take on it. If your thinking is fairly close to this, then the question becomes, are you BOTH willing to be respectful and supportive of the other person’s faith?

Islam perhaps?




See? This is one example of the potential problem. You have someone who does not believe in God, let alone Jesus Christ, telling you that, essentially, there are NO differences between various "religions."

Curious53 is right, in that Christianity is not about a "religion," it is about a "relationship" with God through Jesus Christ.

So in this case the potential "stress point" would begin with the very existence of God versus everything being just "natural causes." What "makes sense" to the world in general is not necessarily what "makes sense" to Christians, because the object of our faith IS Jesus Christ as both LORD and Savior.

So again, it seems to be back to what you mean by "thrive."

Nia, thank you. Do you have any stories of such?

ML: I would tend to agree in a broad sense, however, there are ways...

FH: There will be no children together, unless adopted, and while not impossible, entirely improbable. However, there are children involved in each respective faith. With regards to scripture, the entire New Testament is based on the fulfillment of the prophets from the Old Testament. Judaism simply does not believe Christ fulfilled the role of the Messiah, therefore, the New Testament is simply an idea based on a false premise. One could never win that debate, therefore, the debate should be more on the principal of virtue and God's basic commandments rather than the validity of Christ. In either belief, whether returning or coming for the first time, the Messiah is indeed coming.

Curious: Excellent post. I agree wholeheartedly to your reasonable approach, especially with the fact that one can never harbor hope of conversion. That is God's work.

My life is my ministry, my service; devoted to principals based on fundamental (Cardinal) virtues.

To be consistant with those virtues, would be to accept, embrace and grow together from (and despite of) these differences.

Assuming the people involved are able...

FH, regarding your last post, I need to think and pray on this a whole lot more.

For me, it's not about being right, or wrong. But, simply faithful to God.

And, I completely understand how a relationship may thrive in so many senses without Christ as a center. But, could it ever be complete? Based on a Christian belief system, the answer is obviously, "no."

ForeverHers,


Perhaps. If I remember correctly, the Koran states that a Muslim man may marry a woman “of the Book” (i.e., Muslim, Christian, or Jew), but that a Muslim woman can only marry a Muslim man. Probably different sects of Islam have more strict or less strict observances. Someone could obviously go down a list of all world religions and sects/denominations and give them a rating from 1 to 5 on an ecumenism scale. But I don’t think this is really the right place for that. So I’m not sure why you brought Islam into the discussion.

Perhaps you mention Islam in direct response to my citation of Evangelical Christianity? I cited it because I have a fair amount of confidence that the call to evangelize runs counter to the notion of supporting another person in their own (non-Christian) faith. But I can see that it was probably a mistake to single out one group in this discussion. It would have been better if I had “some religious practices” instead of “Evangelical Christians” and left it at that. I apologize and meant no offense.


No. I am most literally NOT saying that there are no differences between religions. I am saying that in order to be truly respectful of a your partner’s religion (which you do not share), you should not consider his/her faith inferior to yours. For some people, that will not be possible. Those people should not enter into an interfaith relationship. For some people, I suppose it might mean considering all faiths EXCEPT the partner’s faith inferior to their own.

I hope that no one read my previous post and understood it to mean, “If only everyone could be so tolerant and open minded, we’d have peace and harmony throughout the world.” I in no way meant to imply that. I was only trying to list the conditions under which an interfaith relationship/marriage can work. I did not mean to imply that all people should strive to reflect those attitudes or conditions.

And Curious, it was an oversight on my part to infer to you specifically that it was up to God to convert people -- after you had stated you were an Athiest. You probably had a good chuckle on that one.

Regardless of your beliefs, we can probably both agree that conversion to any belief system is not OUR responsibility. That has to occur within oneself. Anything else would probably lean toward "controlling" and definitely be disrespectful, IMHO.

Yet, many Christians, especially Evangelical, would disagree. Any followers of "The 40 Days of Purpose" are actually led to believe that ministry IS the life work God intended for us -- and in that ministry, conversion is a tempting task (fate?).

This is an interesting topic and thought I might give some input as my younger sister (and myself) were raised as
Christians (the Disciples of Christ denomination) and she
graduated from a Christian college. She married a man who is Jewish. They have been married about 12 years, have two
kids and have a happy, successful marriage.

Early in their relationship she did a lot of research, reading and attended classes to learn more about the history and beliefs of Judaism, however she did not and is not going to "convert". Their wedding was a "blend" of each, with both a minister and rabbi officiating. They celebrate some of the Jewish holidays and some of the
Christian holidays, however she gives/receives "Christmas" gifts from us, her family, and they give/receive "hanukkah" gifts from his family.

The kids are being raised Jewish, in accordance with Jewish
custom and their mutual agreement. My niece (4) attends a jewish "synagogue" pre-school, but my nephew (7) goes to public school.

My sister's in-laws warmly welcomed her to their family and they have an excellent relationship. My parents had a more
difficult time with it, but have come to like my BIL as a good husband and father and show respect and understanding for his religion even though it's much different than what they are used to.
I certainly can't say it would work for everyone or for some other "blends" of religions, but with respect, the
willingness to learn about the other's faith, and some
compromise and flexibility it seems to work for them-

Slammed

If you want to be faithful to God, yu need to consider being unequally yolked with an unbeliever.

Curious53 - No offense taken. I was responding to your question/statement, "It’s probably true of certain other religions and other branches of Christianity, but I could not say which ones," with just one example.

What you are talking about is a reality, not just an academic or philosophical excercise. The "point" is that Christianity is defined by Jesus Christ and the question "Is Jesus who He said He is?"

That many reject Him is a given. That people can have a marriage that "works" is not the issue, they can, depending upon how they define "it works." The marriage is a temporal thing. The "issue" isn't anything at all about "living in this world." The "issue" for Christians is very simple; Who Jesus is, what He did for us, why He did what He did, and how we can be reconciled to God. Christians have a Lord who is Sovereign and who has the exclusive right to command His children because of who He is and what it cost Him to provide the only way that mankind can be reconciled to Him and to live eternally with Him rather than eternally separated from Him in a place of "not niceness."

This is the "defining difference" between Christianity and all other religions, or lack of religion as in the case of atheism: The Christian faith is based on a "Who," not an idea or "logical thinking" of finite minds. Without Christ, Christianity really would be "no better than" any other belief. It would have no saving power and would merely be "another construct of a human mind."




I understood what you were saying. My response was intended for "frankly," who framed the question as Christian/Jewish marriage.

BK, are you talking about BEFORE or AFTER someone has already gotten married to an unbeliever?