Hi! Sorry this is very long!

I'm 27, female and have been married for 6 years. The first 5 year flew by since I sooo busy, i was in college, then grad school, then working. We have since moved and now live half an hour from my in laws. I had to give up my great job in NYC to move to a remote area for my husband's new job. I have been looking for work for 6 months with no luck thus frustrated. I also had a miscarriage which has been emotional for us.

My husband loves his job and being close to his parents and sister. But, I feel as though I am not a part of the family even though I have tried to be helpful and involved as best as I can. Recently, I went back to New York for a few days for a reunion and when i came back, i found out that my husband and his family took a family trip to meet my sister-in-law's new beau. But they didn't tell me about it and lied to me when i confronted them.

This isn't the first time either. Two years ago i found out that she had gotten engaged (there was a small party of which i was unawareand uninvited, i found out through pictures) Although I blame my husband for this mostly, i don't understand why my inlaws feel it is necessary to keep me from knowing and why they put my husband in a position where he must choose between us (clearly he always chooses them) He tells me that I am overreacting since this is a personal issue with his sister...but i don;t need to know about her...I just don't want my husband lying to me about where he is. My father-in-law even told me that I didn't have the right to ask my own husband where he is all the time. I am very upset and am lashing out.

It has gotten to the point where our personal issues have taken a back seat to my strained relationship with his parents. I keep saying that we need to figure our own relationship out first but he says that his family is an important factor in that.

I want to know how to handle this properly as he and his family are acting as though they did nothing wrong and that wanting our relationship to be a priority is unreasonable. Please help!

Hello Nars. I have been married for 12 years to a guy that always places his family first. He worked in the family business for the first nine years of our marriage and then we broke off and started our own business. We have a five year old son that is the only reason I have tried to work our differences (we attended MB Weekend 3/07). My husband lies to avoid any type of conflict and to inflate his own ego. The the lies have always been there but the last 3-4 years the lies have taken over every aspect of our relationship. Based on my personal experience is that if your DH cna't put you ahead of his family early on it is never going to get any better. It never has for me. I know that if I tried to divorce his family would try to take my son from me because they have much deeper pockets than I do. And even though joint custody would be the likey arrangement they are the type that would buy our son off with gifts. My advice from someone that has walked in your shoes is leave now while you can get out cleanly (no children). Otherwise next he is going to lie to you about what he does with your kids and the in-laws. Good luck!!!

NArs- I have a step daughter who is married and lives in Alaska. I have no use for her and she is the same for me. My wife wants us to be "one big happy family" and It will not happen with me. My wife is putting pressure on me to move up there so we can be close to them and do a lot of baby sitting her grand children. If anything will end our nearly 30 marriage this will. Also she does not stick up for me in the fights we have and she complains all the time to her about how insensitive I am. I think people have to get their priorities straight. If someone other than the spouse comes first then there is really no marriage.