Hi everyone. Heard today that WH and OW are having a boy- what "we" wanted so badly.... the news basically paralyzed me, and all friends and family think it should be something that just rolls off my back. I feel like I have gone backwards about a year in that I am beyond heartbroken- advice please?

Divorce will have been final for a year this week. How much longer until I am over it?????

{{{{Laura}}}}

I don't know. Reading your post breaks my heart for you.

It's been 17 months today since my D was final and I'm still not over it.

JinGA

Thank you. It helps to know that I am not the only one not over it yet. Although since we were only married 2 years I just thought I would be better by now.

Thank you for the kind words though.

Hugs back to you!!

You are mourning the loss of a dream, of a marriage and family. Mourning is good, grieving helps you heal.
But, you are young and if you take the time to heal, you can have a full life, with the person who will treat you better than you ever imagined.

Please see a counselor to help you through these feelings. I believe that counselors can get to the heart of the matter far faster than many of us can on our own.

I know the thought of a child hurts, but that child is not born into the best of circumstances.

Laura23187,

I am so sorry. Although my D was just finalized, I can feel your pain. WH and I were only married 2 years as well and many of my friends think that I should just "get over it." Family and friends will say things that will be perceived as hurtful but the truth is, they aren't going through it. I've realized that none of my friends and family can fully understand the pain and the grief of D, especially when infidelity is involved.

Just as I thought I was on the path of healing, I got sideswiped with more devastating news a few weeks ago regarding WH and OW. It was a huge setback. Yes, it hurt like heck. I cried and cried. The one thing that gets me through the darkest moments is that God has such a better plan for me. God has a better plan for you too. The hardest thing I'm trying to do is to let go so God can do His work.

Hang in there. You deserve so much better.

God Bless you.

Hi Ready2Wait, thank you so much for that sweet reply. I read some of your older posts, and our situations are very similar- XH and OW working together, in-laws taking his side etc.... plus being so newly married and involved with the church... it is shocking what these WH did to us...

Anyway, your words meant a lot to me- thank you.

One more thing, thank you for the advice Newly, but I am seeing a counselor- I actually never stopped. She was our MC after my XH's first A, and we never stopped seing her.... the funniest part of all is that on a Monday when we were in session, he was telling her how much he loved me for giving him a second chance and how hard he would work to earn back my trust, and that Wednesday (yep, two days later) he was at it again!!!

I decided to keep seeing her alone because I liked that she has seen he and I together and knew him well. Also I didn't want to rehash the whole story to someone new...

It has been 3 years total that I have been seeing her, 1 and a half of it by myself. You would think I would be better by now!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Hi Laura,

I saw a quote on the front page of today's USA Today. It was about parents of the victims deciding whether to attend commencement exercises at Virginia Tech this weekend. The article mentions one of the last journal entries of a young girl.

"When a deep injury is done us, we never recover until we forgive."

The quote comes from a South African author, Alan Paton who witnessed Apartheid first hand.

I am not even to divorce, and I feel set back. For me, it's a good dose of anger, but it's similar to your situation. My wife is partying it up, and I still find myself at home, alone, when I don't have the kids (she has something, and I do not). I thought I'd be farther along, and I wonder if it's because I'm waiting for some sort of apology or reasonable answer as to why this has happened to me, to my family. She'll never apologize (to her, she's done nothing wrong), and looking around this site, no answer to "Why?" is ever going to be good enough. I'll be pondering this quote this weekend.

Awhile ago, I realized that if I wished for my wife to be a brilliant success in her new life or a miserable failure, I would be disappointed. You'll be fine no matter what his successes or failures. So we try not to dwell on it (oh yeah, that's easy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />).

What do you think of the quote?

Giles