Chris,

Great to have you here and posting.

I can relate to your DD's feelings. I went to my father's house after he married the mistress and my sis and I went around and put all her pics down.

I also had a reaction to going to my mom's house and seeing our pics mixed in with her new husband's kid's pics. It upset me as well. It's a natural adjustment period for her and she might even react to you having a pic at your place of someone else's kid if you meet someone who has any.

It's a tough thing to experience as a kid, no matter your age. But it does get better and she and her mom will eventually get along again. It might take years, but it will happen.

It is sad that she doesn't have pics of her own daughter up and as prominent.

I have friends who live in Denver and I was there a year ago for my class reunion at the Academy. Wouldn't mind meeting you if I'm ever in the neighborhood there again to watch AF football or for a reunion. It might be another 9 years, but hey, you can always plan ahead. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm going to the AF-Navy game with a new lady friend I met out here in DC. She's a great gal and there is some great potential.

How are things with your new friend?

Hey BD,

I have never been to an Air Force game. I love their stadium. I really need to do that some day. I coached a few basketball games at the Academy High School in July. I love that whole campus. It is very beautiful there. Gollum lives in Colorado Springs but I try not to hold that against the entire city.

DD was feeling a little vulnerable this weekend after being at her Moms. I can always tell because she will put in movies from her childhood like Little Mermaid or Beauty and the Beast and curl up under a blanket. You can just see that she wants to be transported back to that simpler, safe time for just a while.

She needed a little Mommy time and DivorcenGruppen Sniper was really great with her. The two of them went through DD’s yearbooks and photo albums for a couple hours. Her Mother never really did that with her. I left them alone and did some badly needed yard and house work. DD cried a little and DGS rubbed her back, listened and gave some real solid mother-like advice. Later I came across DGS alone upstairs wiping away tears. She told me until now she had given Wayzilla the benefit of the doubt but now she just wanted to “B!tch-slap” her for how she was treating her own daughter.

That night DGS and I got a little dressed up (always fun) and went into Boulder for a little street shopping, nice dinner and some live jazz. Great time!


Wayzilla has no knowledge of DGS. I told DD that DGS is not a secret but she is really none of XWW’s business. I told her if she was asked a direct question then answer it honestly but if it does not come up let it be.

When I got home last night after basketball practice I picked up my mail and found that I have been sent my very own introductory copy of Working Mothers magazine. DD saw it and had a great laugh. She said no one deserved that magazine more than me. Of course a Vicky’s Secret came the day before and DD scurried off with it. I guess I don’t deserve that one.

SL- Thanks for the kind words about DD. She is very special.

It just kills me to hear about your DD's pain. I know that you have your own, but this is a girl and her mother. Abandonment in it's most cruel form. I miss my mom so much, and know what it's like to have that person ripped from you.

She called her mother a cancer. How horrible it must be to view your mother as a disease. It's just heart wrenching. I hate what this does to the kids. I know your DD is a teen, nearly twenty year old, but she won't stop needing her mother for some time; believe me, I'm 35, and I could use her advice and shoulder OFTEN.

It's good that she has a friendly woman in her life to lean on right now. It's not MOM, but it's an older woman who know's something of life and a girls pain. It's really something that DGS is so open to her; that says a lot about her.

Yes, it's a tough time, even when you're all grown up. I wasn't much older than her when my parents split and I remember a very happy childhood. It's really tough and you do want to be transported back. I still have some moments of "why the he!! did he do this to our family". Happened at their wedding when his new wife got hammered around some of our old family friends.

Your DD will go through that and will likely develop a good relationship with whatever woman you end up with eventually. I get along well with both of my parent's new spouses, though my dad is about to go through his 3rd divorce.

I think kids naturally gravitate to the more stable parent and the one that they feel safest with. From the looks of it, that will always be you and you should be proud that you've given your daughter a great role model to seek in a future mate.

Falcon stadium is great and I recommend you go and watch one of the games where we play a rival such as Army or Navy. Show up early and watch as the cadets march on the field and you can enjoy the fly bys as well. The games with Army and Navy also feature a prisoner exchange, where exchange students cross to their respective sides during the game. It's all in good fun and the games are great.

I do miss the campus. I recommend taking the tour one day and heading to Garden of the Gods with DD or have a Chuck Wagon Dinner with a cowboy show in the local area. Those were fun things as well.

Boulder, huh? We use to call it the People's Democratic Republic of Boulder due to the reception we'd get up there on trips. It sure is beautiful there, though.

Glad to hear things are going well with DGS. Good luck with that.

Chrisner,

I read your recent post about DD meeting Gollum. Did that happen?

My father put me in the same boat, sort of. He wanted me to meet his mistress, which was his new wife. He asked me if I would ever change how I felt. I told him absolutely not. I told him I would never go to his home while she was there. I didn't. They divorced when he cheated on her. The only time I've ever supported infidelity. I rooted him on as he gave her a taste of her own medicine.

I kicked his butt afterwards and gave him a good tongue lashing over his need to cheat.

Your DD should stand her ground and not feel forced into meeting a man she obviously hates. Your ex is hoping and praying it goes well and DD accepts him.

I can tell you that I had a very hard time doing so even with my mother's new, very nice guy, husband. He was a good guy and I had a hard time adjusting to his presence.

I had different feelings and images for the woman my father was with.

I went to my father's home with my then wife and newborn daughter. I came over to borrow his car while I was in town to go to a wedding.

I was outside talking to my dad and his neighbor when she came out of the house, probably hoping for a nice and friendly greeting.

I immediately got in the car and peeled off, simply dropping the conversation I was engaged in.

I never, never, never accepted her. She tried to talk to me when I was deployed for the war by telling me about a family member of hers also in the AOR. I remained in total silence. "Is my dad there" was the extent of our conversations.

Gollum is a passing fad. Your DD is 19 and doesn't have to interact with or deal with him. Your DD is bottling up a lot and it will likely explode one day on your ex or even on Gollum himself. I can only imagine the coldness he will end up feeling if she does bring herself to seeing this man.

It's amazing to me that your ex is so stupid on this issue and honestly believes this is a good thing. Simply amazing that waywards are so stupid.

Hey, chris!

I read your post about that, too. Dumb Wayzilla....still desperately trying to hang on to the hope that "it will all work out for the best".

She probably expected DD19 to meet him and think "oh, what a great guy! Dad was sooooo wrong!" NOT!

Your DD19 is a smart girl. Hurting still, I'm sure, but I'm so impressed with her convictions and ability to stand up for herself.

Take care!
Fox

Hey Papa, Thanks for checking in.

No, DD has not yet met Gollum. She reluctantly had dinner last Friday with XWW. I felt bad for her. She just kept standing on the porch before she left saying, “I don’t want to go.” I told her she could do whatever she wanted but in time she screwed up her courage and went.

During dinner XWW told DD it was finally time for her to meet Gollum. She told DD that the relationship with “her friend” is becoming serious. She referred to Gollum for the first time using his real name and not calling him, “her friend.”

As silly as it is, XWW has continued to try to elude to DD that there was never a real “affair, affair” thing and that the two now conveniently divorced friends free of their hideous marriages are only now discovering they may have deeper feelings for each other.
(:{O}[color:"green"]<<<<<<<<<[/color] Sigmund Freud Puking Linda Blair Pea Soup Emoticon


And she does all this fully knowing DD knows everything about the EA and PA last fall and winter. DD has repeatedly told her she knows everything. XWW seems to believe that if she keeps painting over her ugly story with pretty colors it will become true.

I went to a restaurant (well maybe not a real restaurant but they did serve wings in the bar) that evening to watch the Rockies game. DD met me there after her dinner with her mother and was pretty mad. She did not say a word to her mother about the plan to meet Gollum but told me that until the relationship with Gollum is over she wants nothing to do with her mom.

I asked her what happens if XWW and Gollum are together for a long time? What if they get married? She replied, “Whatever.”

I told her she needs to share these feelings with her mom although it is not likely to have much apparent impact. She changed the subject to the Rockies game and we have not spoken of it since. In reality we rarely ever talk about XWW. I have not seen Wayzilla since mid-June and have had no communication with her at all since mid-July when the last of the divorce details were done.

Oh, DD did say that Wayzilla told her that she, “Only wants your dad (me) to be happy.” I guess she did all of this just for me. How considerate.

Otherwise all is well. I had a great business trip last week to Nashville and this weekend I am off to Pepperdine University to sit in on this weekend’s men’s basketball practices.

My high school JV team is doing very well in their fall league and we are getting in a couple practices a week. Work has been very busy. Life goes on. High school tryouts are next month and then things get real busy.

Heydee Hi Cowgirl! It is true I have used Gollum's name in the same sentences as woochippers in front of DD19 (DD20 in 2-months!) but I really try to be good.

How is the Montana Fall coming? Denver and the mountains have been beautiful. I got snowed on pretty heavily two weekends ago coming back from Breckenridge. The aspen were right at the end of their color but it was still great.

Glad to hear DD19 has not yet had to face that particular situation yet. She's so lucky to have you...and you her.

Montana fall is crappy today. Cool, windy, rainy. Blech. A lady at work (who knows the situation) asked me how my day was and I just about burst into tears. Big lump in the throat, tears ready to spill. Cripes....I thought I was past this. She is so sweet and talked for a little while, then brought me Starbucks chai tea after lunch.

It doesn't really help finding out that Bab's in-laws ran into her at the store last night. WH was with her. She turned her back and completely ignored them....and the in-laws had her son with them. Must be ashamed of something, I guess. Her parents passed away when she was fairly young and her in-laws became her surrogate parents.

That doesn't worry me much...it's bound to happen. I hope they are ashamed every time they run into someone who knows the situation.

My worry is....that someday it will be me, walking into a store, seeing them together- quite possibly my DDs will be with them. Sickening, absolutely sickening.

Bab's BH was supposed to meet his parents there to pick up his son. He saw her Jeep in the parking lot, called his dad on the cell phone and said he'd meet them at their house.

Thankfully, he noticed the Jeep and didn't go in. Hearing about it is hard enough...seeing it for yourself is another.

Anyhoo....for the most part fall has been beautiful. Leaves have changed and are falling pretty heavily. There's snow in the high mountains but none down low yet. Halloween seems to be the day we get our first good snow.

I was just thinking yesterday on my drive to work how incredibly beautiful it is right now, how calming it is to sit and watch the leaves fall. I think it's time for a horseback ride. It's been awhile.

Fox

I am so sorry. It's funny how it sneaks up sometimes. I was pretty reflective on my trip to Nashville last week. It was my first business trip (every first seems to revisit memories) since D-Day and it struck me that I had no need to call Wayzilla about the flight and the trip and the room etc...

{{{Cowgirl}}}

I have heard it said at the MB web forum that AFFAIRS SUCK !

((((Foxy Lady))))

Thanks for your support, SL and chris. I'm much better today. I worked on reclaiming the master bedroom last night....I had moved into the basement bedroom in fall of last year. DDs are switching rooms too, so the house is pretty torn apart.

I'm ready to take it back now. Different bed, different pictures, different setup altogether. Now it is MINE. It is not the cave that the basement room was.

I'm sure the email of memories to him was a partial trigger, the day itself being it's own. It felt like some of the closure I've needed, though. I dreamt about it last night and got the response I think I needed. If I never get it in real life, that's okay.

Sorry for the tj, chrisner.

Fox

A woman I work with had her D-Day Monday morning. I have known her and her husband for over 10 years when we worked together at another company. She got the “I never loved you” speech just prior to finding out he cleaned out the bank accounts. The OW is a skank he picked up while working a job for a towing company. It sounds like she rewarded him for his services right on the spot. What a nice girl! That or a Skanky Ho Bag Slut!

I know her in-laws as well and have always thought the world of them but they turned out just like the rest; “Sorry to hear this DDIL, but you know it takes two to destroy a marriage. Ta-ta and good luck.” They were married for 12-years.

I told her about MB and gave her some reading material. She says she has no intention of saving the marriage and would never let him touch her again. I told her MB will be able to help her a lot with her personal recovery as well. All her children are from a prior marriage and are fully grown so a least that will be no issue. She says she has no need or desire to ever see him again. She is very tough but you can see she is hurting pretty bad.

I told her she needed to get to a clinic for testing. She said it was the first thing she thought off. There is a significant overlap in SF with both women. What a POS he is.

Affairs suck.

Her WH works at the same company Gollum worked for when he got caught at his second affair. He had to leave that company due to the affair and came to the company where Wayzilla and I worked. This crap is sick.

Basketball tryouts are next week and then it will be 5-6 days a week until March. The girls coaching staff at the high school had a shake up and right now DD19 is going to be the JV coach. I know there a at least a couple double-headers for the boys and girls teams so I assume I will get to see Wayzilla and XMIL smiling in the stands.

~(:o <<<<<<<< Alfalfa Puking Emoticon

I am getting pretty used to not seeing her, hearing her, or in any way being overly reminded of her existence.

DD19.87 had a Halloween party at the house last Friday night and it was a lot of fun seeing all the kids and having a full noisy house. It reminded me of the party we had when BC was in town in July. That was a fun night that everyone still talks about.

DD has not spoken to her mom since that Friday night three weeks ago when WayZ suggested it was time to meet Gollum. Wayzilla and Gollum. A beautiful couple with a mere combined 4 or 5 affairs between them. What could possibly go wrong?

Affairs suck.

Wayzilla better enjoy this next year with Gollum because their first year post exposure is almost in the books. I wonder how she is hold up when Gollum is through with her and she gets removed from her home because of the construction. I smell a perfect storm brewing.

Well, Chrisner, I'm sorry to hear about your friend, and about the lack of communication between DD19 and WZ.

How do you say?...

Oh, yeah

Affairs suck.

Hey chrisner, I was looking through my camera yesterday and there was your lovely DD19 at Bob's Big Boy. Tell her hi for me!

I will do that Faithful! Thank you. That get together at Big Boy was really fun. I wonder what ever happened to OrangePearl and how Foundareason got through the fires.

My background on my work laptop is a pic of Drew and DD together at the party with Pep behind them. What a hoot.

I am very proud of her. She has experienced a lot of loss this last year with my Mother's passing and her Mother's affair and what has amounted to essentially abandonment. This one is going to take a while.

But she is back on top of her grades, she is doing real well at work, and now is a paid high school assistant basketball coach too.

Wish she would pick up after herself more but I can live with that!

Chris,



This is so great. I remember when I was in HS, that I thought the coaches had hung the moon and could do no wrong.

Little did I know that they didn't pick up after themselves either!!

Don't blow her cover!! LOL!

You have much to be proud of!

Hey Bugs!

Okay, how’s this for an epic defeat.

My JV level boys fall league team played their last games last night. Game 1 was against a school whose program is ranked in the top 5 every year. We show up with 8 small, relatively inexperienced players including 3 freshmen. The physical match-ups between the two teams were laughable. A real David and Goliath pairing.

And…..we dominate the game for 38 of the forty minutes. With a 10-point lead with 2-minutes to go I asked the boys to slow down, run the clock and shoot nothing but wide open layups. Goliath has to resort to fouling (and we were in the double bonus) to stop the clock and get possessions. Everything worked perfectly as we were sent to the line 10-times in the last two minutes to ice the game. But……but….they miss every free throw attempt. Arg!!!!! Yep suddenly every NBA range three-pointer Goliath launched fell through. Their final three went through with one second left tying the game…..and….and….we fouled him. It was their one free throw attempt in the last 2-minutes and it swished. Goliath 59 David 58. Life’s lessons when you have Irwin Cory as your coach explaining how the moon is hung.

DD19.879 sat in the stands trying not to laugh.

We won the second game by around 30 and finished the league 4-4. The JV coach of last years State Championship team told me he was amazed at how hard our kids played through this league.

The tryouts are next week. I can’t wait.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Oh, man. Great story. Good season, coach!

big congrats to your DD, chrisner! She will pick up after herself eventually. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />