Weekends are definitely the hardest for me. This morning when I woke up, the radio was playing an Alabama song (the biggest trigger for me) so today I am way down in the hole. Can't wait for Monday.

TWBD,

I do understand the weekend thing. When I have the kids, there is plenty to do. On my weekend off, I do struggle. I made myself go to church today even if I really didn't want to. I think it renewed my strength to follow through with Plan B. I am planning on taking myself fishing later on this afternoon.

Orchid,

Thanks for the acknowledgement. I know in my heart that this is the right thing to do, but it doesn't make it any easier.

{{{MB hug 2 u}}}} <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

CJ draws a distinction between triggers and buttons that is worth thinking about. I don't know if I have the terminology wrong, but one level of triggers is the ones like songs or locations--where you see or hear something that makes you sad and can set off a depressive funk.

The ones I was trying to warn you about are when the WS does something hurtful (often being oblivious to the fact that it might hurt you--"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS"--Mulan). Then you get triggered, with the whole adrenaline response and you have an incredible urge to make things right--to DO SOMETHING. Most often, the things you want to do are ultimately not helpful for your situation.

Jennifer advised me that, when triggered in this way, I should stop and breathe. Then, if I still wanted to reach out to my WW to, say, educate her or point out the error of her ways, I should ask myself why I am doing it, and, more importantly, will she listen. WW is a fogged-out zombie who will use any LB'ing that I do out of self-righteousness against me, so why bother?

Staying dark in these situations and fighting off the urge to DO SOMETHING was and continues to be the hardest part of Plan B for me.

I'll have to read up more on your situation, but come hang out on the Killer Bee threads. It's a good group, and we need some fresh blood, what with so many graduates.

((Xetta))

Thanks SD. I just may check them out.

The kids came home today from their weekend with their father. It sounds like their weekend didn't go very well. Son, 8, was really acting up all weekend. I suspect that WH has lost a lot of respect from our 8 year old. I generally have to only saw something once and it's obeyed. Sometimes just a dirty look from me will silence our son's behavior. WH doesn't have the same power over our son anymore.

In addition, daughter, 14, said that most of the weekend was tense. I told her that when she's tense, she needs to start talking to her father more. She said she did try, but it didn't diffuse much of the tenseness. I guess at one point he acknowledged that he's got a lot of making up to do. To whom? Don't know. But in the same conversation, he told her that she needs to quit being so selfish. HA! That's a pot calling the kettle black.

So, I can't ignore that the kids went with their father for the weekend and they are going to want to talk about the good and the bad. I will try not to dwell on it too much.

I took myself fishing today so that I wouldn't be here when he brought the kids home. It was too funny today. I went to a boat landing and the rent-a-cop that works at the boat landing on the weekends gave me his phone number and told me to call him for anything. No, I wasn't flirting and I definitely didn't go fishing to catch a date. I just had to laugh about it. I won't be calling him, but it still feels good to have someone notice me. A little boost of self-esteem is just what I needed.

The next two weeks should be relatively quiet now and I can relax once again...

Hey everyone...

Still alive and well in Plan B. I honestly have to say that I thought Plan B would be easier than it is right now. Yesterday was a real bummer. Nothing happened, but I was just really down. Today was much better. Kept myself pretty busy all day and just now finally sat down to relax. I bought myself some new patio furnature too, so I am looking forward to creating the new outdoor room for me and the kids.

WH just called to talk to the kids. He still calls a couple of times a week, but I love caller ID. If he is calling, I won't answer the phone. I will let the kids get it.

Not much else to report. The seas are calm and I just feel like I am just drifting along aimlessly right now.

Are you taking antidepressants? If not, please consider discussing with your MD.

Lem

No, I am not taking anti-depressants. About five years ago, I was on anti-depressants and a whole bunch of other things they put me on. Oh my God! It was not fun. They messed me up really badly. I know where I was in that depression and I am not in the same state of mind as I was back then. After WH's affair became common knowledge, I used many of the techniques that I learned in the last major depression to combat the onset of another one. I went to the gym to help with the stress and anxiety. I took great care of myself. I was on meds for sleep. I made a point to talk to tons of family and friends, etc. I wanted to see if I could really get past the major blows without using antidepressants because in the past, it had really messed me up and right now, I am the only one available for my kids. I think my kids more than anything helped me to stay focused through this whole thing so far.

So, no...not on antidepressants, but I am taking the measures I need to do to avoid having to take them. Yesterday was just a bummer, that's all and I know that I will have those days and that's ok too. I just can't let those days be too numerous.

Thanks for your concern...

Today has been a really hard day for me, probably because I have had to do so much running. I am almost exhausted and I still have laundry to do and dishes. I keep asking myself when is he going to do what he needs to do to get home? I am done listening to the talk...will he do the walk?

I am frustrated with the silence, but I know I just have to hang in there...

Just so you also understand, there are chemical changes that your brain undergoes that may really aided by antidepressants. Sometimes, in situations like this, "taking the measures" is not enough. If you are still struggling down the line, please reconsider them oor discuss them with your MD.

Best

LM

The beginning of Plan B is pretty difficult. It gets easier, but it is still a roller coaster. Consider what LM said about anti-depressants.

((((((((((Xetta)))))))))

keep it up, yr doing great...first time reading your thread.

So, I can't ignore that the kids went with their father for the weekend and they are going to want to talk about the good and the bad. I will try not to dwell on it too much.

watch for this....the more info your kids bring back...the more exposure you are having to the A...thats what you are trying to protect yourself from.

I had a very hard time staying dark in plan B....my craving for the drama was intense...i couldn't stand the quiet silent distance of plan B. but as time wore on and I made more mistakes, i finally got the hang of it. it does get better.

saturdays were very hard on me for a long time....it was family day..yada yada yada. surround yourself with good people...people you dont have to pretend with...just so youre not alone....when you are alone...and feel down...keep posting. if you want to make contact, ask about how he is doing, come here first.

stay strong..it will get easier.

Thanks Lemon, SD, and Fighting. I will consider the antidepressants if I really start to see my moods becoming darker. I have learned to monitor my mood because of my last major depression. Today so far has been a pretty good day. I made myself indispensible at work today and a major client was impressed with my work. Scored a ton of brownie points today!

D14 has a concert tonight and I got a babysitter for the two younger kids. It will nice to be able to enjoy her concert by myself. It will be somewhat hard though. She is to get a few awards tonight and her dad isn't going to be there again... She gets testy every time something major happens in her life and he father isn't around to share it. More often than not, I end up dealing with the fallout.

Got to run and get ready for the concert! Thanks everyone!

Today was another hard day. Hard because I just have so much to do and so very little time. I always seem to be so rushed lately. I need to start taking more tim for myself to just unwind, but I guess it will have to wait for a little bit yet.

I did call my lawyer today and he is going to contact WH's lawyer and ask him which weeks he wants the kids for the summer. At thee beginning of our divorce proceedings, WH asked for the kids for two weeks during the summer. I am sure he is fast running out of available vacation time with the divorce proceedings and other things as well. It also sends a message that I have not seen any changes in his situation either. He's the one that has told his lawyer that he wants to reconcile. He's the one that asked if he can come home. But still, there has been no walking to back it up. Time is growing short. We have our preliminary hearing on June 13th and he's not walking the walk, so the divorce goes on...

My lawyer told me today that his lawyer is getting frustrated with his client (WH). Again, it comes down to walking the walk, and he's not doing it... His lawyer feels like he is jerking me around. I know it's been just a little over a week since I started Plan B and the past couple of days has been tough, really tough. I will get through it though and I will be strong. I am taking the kids back to my hometown for the weekend for a wedding shower and a birthday. There will be a much needed distraction for me there.

Off to finish packing now. I would like to get an early start in the morning.

I hope everyone has a Happy and Safe Memorial Weekend!

Bless you all!

Back to work tomorrow. Survived Memorial Day Weekend ok. It was tough though. I went back home for a couple of days and had to attend a wedding shower and a birthday, both of which reminded me that I was there...alone with kids. I also stopped by and say my father-in-law. He's on my side in all of this. He can't understand why his son has done the things he had done.

Came home late last night and cleaned the house today. I also made a point to put together the kids' trampoline and cook a nice meal on the BBQ. Kids are all exhausted and sunburnt. I was glad just to be home, but still a bit lonely. WH called and talked for less than 10 minutes to the kids... His loss...

J

hang tough and remember your not alone in this fight... I honestly beleve your M will survive this... OK you need to talk, call, you need to get away, call, I have a guest room, and I will call in a favior and have Kat drop by so you will have another female present to keep it Kosher.

I make a killer batch of margerettas! Know my way around a grill. Have 2 lovin dogs who will give you all the attention you can handle...


Dog was spot on for me the hardest part was like the first 2-3 weeks I have been in plan B now 6 weeks it isn't hard anymore... But then you know the drill I went through.

As you know as of late I am consuming significantly more engery thinking about anything but the WW/STBX. She is quickly fading from view in the rear view mirrow.


Jim

WH came and picked up the kids today. I made sure that I wasn't home. So far, no word from him. I will just assume that he is still with OW then. My concern is that our temporary hearing is coming up soon. I am very emotional right now. June 8th is our 16th wedding anniversary. June 11th is WH's birthday. June 13th we have our preliminary hearing.

Yes, I am feeling the effects of the withdrawal. I have been really down the past week and a half. I am trying to keep myself busy, but that doesn't really help keep the mind occupied...

I have to honestly say that I wonder when and if he's going to come around. Yes, I even have purely foolish fantasies that he will come groveling back. I know...it's sad.

X:

I haven't read your first thread, what it took to get here in Plan B.

But I wanted to comment on this:

"I have to honestly say that I wonder when and if he's going to come around. Yes, I even have purely foolish fantasies that he will come groveling back. I know...it's sad."

You can have these thoughts. Your allowed to dream.

WH? He just needs to make a choice.

You are making it possible for him to do so.

LG

OK, I will accept that I am allowed to dream, but dreaming seems to hurt me more right now. The question of will today be the day seems to hit me first thing in the morning. Right now, WH is in town. He's only here twice a month but nothing happens. I think I need to seriously stop dreaming... You can't live on dreams...

X:

No, you can't live ON Dreams, but you can live WITH dreams.

Plan B allows you the space to get the dreams you want.

Those dreams may, or may not include WH.

So, Will WH return today?

Don't Know.

Will he return Tommorrow?

Don't know.

Next week?

Don't know, and we just will never know. Read SilentLucidity's threads.

She acheieved a very peaceful state and darn if that pesky old H didn't return then.

LG