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Just a question for FWS with kids....
I have noticed that my WXH has not let me and the OW meet or be in the same place. For instance, when he comes to pick up the kids, he has never brought her with him. When I go and pick up the kids from him, he has never had her there, even the kids have said that she leaves maybe 30 min before I come...
This last weekend I had to go to his parents house, OW daughter was there but she came to pick her up before I came to get the kids...her daughter asked why she had to leave and could not stay the night and OW told her because I was coming over to get them...
What is up with this???
If he is so in love why doesn't he want me and OW to meet or why is she never around when I come around...I thought they would be inseparable.
Not saying if this is good or bad...just wondering...it is something that I just can't get off my mind.
Me-BxW-(36)
Him-WxH-(36)
Married 9 days short of 12 years b/f D was final
5 kids-10 and younger (3 DD & 2 DS)
WH filed for D 11/05
D final 05/06
***Of course you would DIE for your kids, the question is will you LIVE for them***
***Time heals nothing but faith heals everything***
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Interesting. I'd almost answer "both". My XH TOLD me that his GF would be welcome at our place of business, and he had no problem bringing her around. I was polite and civil - more so than she was, heck I even let them come over to use my shower when their apartment complex was without water for 4 days last year.
Could be several reasons. He doesn't want a confrontation by either you or OW.
He might not be too proud of OW (usually they trade "down" - mine sure did!)...
So your kids are seeing OW and her DD, but you aren't?
I'd consider it a good thing - other than to satisfy curiosity about what a spouse will throw his family away for, it really is quite painful to have the OP in your face.
I'm saying this and I'm a bit of a hypocrite - I moved on before my H did - we were separated. My M didn't end because of an A.. he had an EA years before, but it was other stuff that killed the M. I exposed my XH to my BF too.
We each gave the other a taste of the same medicine. I did learn from it though... unsure if he has or not - yet.
JinGA
F/40, DD15 DS13
M 1989
DDay his EA May 1998.
S Aug 2004.
D Dec 05. I filed.
4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R.
6/23/07 XH said no to R.
8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B".
1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day.
Ask me about Geocaching!
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Hi, Pepsi.
He is protecting himself.
Gimble
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect.
-An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
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Pepsi-
I have to agree with Gimble.
He was looking out for #1 when he started the A, and he is still looking out for #1. He does not want to see the pain he caused you, or get caught in a crossfire, and have to publicly "choose". That is what I thought as I read it.
Good luck!
Sadmo
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Funny I was coming back to this thread to post that he's protecting himself, after considering what I'd already said...perhaps I try to only see the best in people. But after thinking about it, I have to agree with Gimble and Sadmo - he's looking out for himself <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> JinGA
F/40, DD15 DS13
M 1989
DDay his EA May 1998.
S Aug 2004.
D Dec 05. I filed.
4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R.
6/23/07 XH said no to R.
8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B".
1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day.
Ask me about Geocaching!
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Joined: Aug 2005
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Why do you say he is protecting himself? From what??? Sorry, I don't have on my thinking cap <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
Me-BxW-(36)
Him-WxH-(36)
Married 9 days short of 12 years b/f D was final
5 kids-10 and younger (3 DD & 2 DS)
WH filed for D 11/05
D final 05/06
***Of course you would DIE for your kids, the question is will you LIVE for them***
***Time heals nothing but faith heals everything***
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,517
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Pepsi wrote:"Why do you say he is protecting himself? From what???"
Conflict.
He, like most wayward spouses, is a conflict avoider.
Gimble
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect.
-An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
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Thanks Gimble,
Very true that he is a conflict avoider...that makes perfect sense
Me-BxW-(36)
Him-WxH-(36)
Married 9 days short of 12 years b/f D was final
5 kids-10 and younger (3 DD & 2 DS)
WH filed for D 11/05
D final 05/06
***Of course you would DIE for your kids, the question is will you LIVE for them***
***Time heals nothing but faith heals everything***
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Posts: 193
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Yes, my WH is a conflict avoider as well. All I had really wanted when I found out about the affair was honesty and he wouldn't give me that. He told me that he was deceptive because he wanted to avoid conflict. BINGO!
I have to believe in some way it keeps his fantasy life somewhat separate from reality. If the two don't meet, then the fantasy life isn't threatened by reality. Not sure if that made sense or not, lol.
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